One of the things I personally find the most frightening about the theology of many female cultural enforcers is the fact that there is exactly zero exceptions. All the rules benefit the owners, oops, I mean husbands of these women. All rules are complete and final, no exceptions. Today I saw a set of rules poorly disguised as answers a ‘Godly’ woman should give written by Lori Alexander of The Transformed Wife. Lori Alexander’s list illustrates the dangers of the absolutes.
Found on Facebook:
Foolish thought: He should throw out his junk
Wise thought: His junk is his own and he gets to do what he wants with it.
Are we talking about a beer can collection or baseball cards or books here? Or is it a hording type situation? That’s the problem with Lori’s rules without wisdom or exceptions. It’s hard to tell what she’s really talking about, and if this is a normal thing, or a weird making life difficult for everyone type of situation. The wise thing is not necessarily what she’s saying here.
Beer can collection? Sure, let him knock himself out collecting them, polishing them, displaying them or just keeping them in cardboard boxes in the basement. Those are his and if he’s not creating a fire hazard or spending every last dime let the man have his fun.
Hoarding, turning your house into a trip hazard, or becoming obsessional you have every right to say or take action. If his ‘junk’ is impacting the health and safety of your family you have an obligation to do something about it.
Foolish thought: He should clean up his own stuff!
Wise thought: The greatest of all is the servant of all
Correct me if I am wrong, but didn’t Lori just finish telling you leave his stuff alone, keep your mitts off it? Which is it? You cannot have it both ways.
So in Lori’s eyes you’re only allowed to touch his things when you’re doing the girly thing and cleaning them up. Of course if you have household help you don’t really have to worry about cleaning his things.
Foolish thought: He shouldn’t be looking at women like that.
Wise thought: He’s accountable to God, not me.
In the days of the “Me Too” movement you might be helping your husband instead of controlling him if you are pointing out he’s behaving in a creepy inappropriate manner by ogling the ladies. He might be accountable to God, but he is also accountable to you, the law and society at large not to behave like that.
Foolish thought: He shouldn’t be eating that.
Wise thought: I am not his mother, his judge or his Holy Spirit. I am his wife, helpmeet and lover.
While this is mostly true. Nagging never accomplished anything. As a wife you can influence his eating in a non-judgemental way. It’s not all judging and being a mom, it’s simply behaving in a mature fashion with food, helping, encouraging.
This approach to food and eating is one that is better off talked about before marriage. Agree on what types of food you’ll eat, let preferences be known. Be honest about expectations. There’s always room for improvement.
I guess that is too much to ask of a woman that threw a tantrum after her own wedding reception because her husband was eating Ritz crackers and cheese. Let the man have his crackers and cheese on his special day.
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