I swear, there are moments when I seriously question the sanity of the various female cultural enforcers in Quiverfull. Like when Lori Alexander orders women to have sexy times with their husbands, seems to indicate that she hates sex and that having immediate sex with your husband is just like being a soldier. Taking orders for your duties and doing what those in your command line say without question.
See what I mean?
Found this morning on Lori’s Instagram. I have no idea who this “Ricky B.” is. One of the men she teaches in her chatroom that kiss her rear end as long as she promotes cruelty by men towards their wives if I had to guess.
Lori Alexander of The Transformed Wife gets a couple of things rather wrong here. Particularly with the military. First of all, in the military there are rules in place about obedience to direct orders. You are allowed to disobey orders that are illegal.
Military members disobey orders at their own risk. They also obey orders at their own risk. An order to commit a crime is unlawful. An order to perform a military duty, no matter how dangerous, is lawful as long as it doesn’t involve the commission of a crime.
So her argument that the military must follow all orders is wrong. Even if there have been plenty of tragic consequences when soldiers follow unlawful orders, like in My Lai. Soldiers are not unthinking killing machines, or robots mindlessly going about their tasks. Lori might know that if she actually did know someone serving their country.
Second, it’s pretty obvious that Lori does not like sex and it does not sound like many of her followers do either. I know by merely discussing this here one of her followers will come in and flag all the pro sex comments that talk about women liking sex.
I guess I don’t understand not liking sex, not liking sex with the man you chose to marry. Sex is one of the best things about marriage, particularly after you’ve been together for awhile. You know his moves, he know what you love and a great time is had by all. Sex in marriage is good when it’s mutually satisfying.
There are times when you, or he, might not feel like it, it might be medically inadvisable, or something else is going on. It’s usually just a phase and an adult of either sex can willingly abstain until it passes. We’re all supposed to be adults here, hopefully if you are sexually active you are grown up enough to cope with the occasional refusal.
I can see why it might happen that women end up frigid in fundytown. You are told not to even have normal sexual thoughts because they are sinful. You are told to remain a pure virgin, but on your wedding night you must shed the virgin to be an enthusiastic partner. It can be just too big of a leap for many young women raised this way.
If it’s a case of you do not like sex with your spouse and that is why you are refusing you likely should try some sort of therapy. When things don’t work as they should mature people take steps to rectify the situation. They don’t write screeds insisting God says you must do it that way or go to hell.
Sex therapy is a real thing, some find it very useful. Communication is vital too. Simply try to open a dialogue with your partner and see if there is some middle ground you can both agree on. Just don’t settle for ten minutes and lube. That sounds so miserable!
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