Your Parents Cause You to be Bitter and Angry, Not Your Husband?

Your Parents Cause You to be Bitter and Angry, Not Your Husband? March 21, 2019

Screen cap from a YouTube video. Meme made at

I hate using back to back Lori Alexander from The Transformed Wife posts, but sometimes it has to happen. Lori will spout the most toxic ideas several days in a row. Today’s is spectacularly bad – she says if your husband is mean and angry it will not make you also mean and angry. It’s your parents and how they raised you that will determine your ultimate temperament. It’s not your husband, it’s your parents.

Whatever. Lori has already proven that she will never hold a man accountable for one blessed thing. He beats you? What are you doing wrong? Even with her talking of parents here I am thinking she really means ‘Mother.’

Remember all the stuff she’s blamed on her late mother? Remember when Lori took a long vacation far away when her mother was dying and in hospice? I think that is what we might be seeing in this piece, latent hatred and disrespect for her own mother in the guise of blaming parents.

That and five bucks will buy you a venti latte at Starbucks, if you are lucky. I admit I am armchair head shrinking here, and am not a psychiatrist, nor do I play one on tv. I am a retired social worker and know something of parental abuse. Take it as you will.

Sharing these paragraphs out of order because of the meandering way Lori sometimes writes. At the top she asserts that women claim mean men make them hateful, then launches into her screed against parents before concluding with this about men. A rather strange ordering of toxic ideas.

So please explain to me how having a husband that constantly verbally tears you down, screams at you and exhibits wild anger does not affect the wife? Study after study says otherwise. Here’s an article from the U.S. Department Health and Human Services on verbal and emotional abuse. Some of the lasting side effects can be physical pain, depression and anxiety.

That’s what Lori is really talking about here, verbal and emotional abuse. She’s stating yet again that you must stay, stay with a smile on your face and your obedience will change your man.

Statistics proof otherwise. Sometimes it escalates into actual physical abuse that leaves women dead. Again, Lori is advocated for abusive men. I am pretty sure Jesus never wants anyone to stay in abusive situations.

No! There is zero evidence that not being trained like Lori and the Pearls teach is the thing that causes women to break up their marriages. What it might do if you are trained that way is cause you to stay to the detriment of your own health and safety with an angry man who is verbally abusing you.

This is all this is, is Lori justifying yet again telling women to stay with abusers.

Telling girls not to marry angry men is just plain old naive on her part. Many times controlling and violent men manage to hide that aspect of their personalities until enough time has passed, the woman is trapped with children and no job when Mr. Hyde emerges. Just peruse the archives of No Longer Quivering and you will see so many stories of abuse that start with ‘the nice guy’ before marriage who eventually removes his mask.

Don’t be like Lori, don’t blame your mother for things she never did and  don’t settle for angry abusive men who might take your life and harm your children.

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About Suzanne Titkemeyer
Suzanne Titkemeyer went from a childhood in Louisiana to a life lived in the shadow of Washington D.C. For many years she worked in the field of social work, from national licensure to working hands on in a children's residential treatment center. Suzanne has been involved with helping the plights of women and children' in religious bondage. She is a ordained Stephen's Minister with many years of counseling experience. Now she's retired to be a full time beach bum in Tamarindo, Costa Rica with the monkeys and iguanas. She is also a thalassophile. She also left behind years in a Quiverfull church and loves to chronicle the worst abuses of that particular theology. She has been happily married to her best friend for the last 32 years. You can read more about the author here.
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