Why do “Unbelievers” Hate Christians so Much?

Why do “Unbelievers” Hate Christians so Much? May 20, 2019
Just look at the ugly nasty untrue picture of some standard ‘Unbeliever’ that Lori picked. Looks demonic.

Ending my Lori-torium today after seeing Lori Alexander of The Transformed Wife trying to claim that she does not understand why unbelievers hate Christians. She thinks it is because they cannot stand the light because they walk in darkness. That’s not it at all.

Oh my sweet summer child, that’s not even close.

Why do others that do not line up for her cult version perversion of the Word of God hate her and others like her? They don’t. Seriously. Even the hard cord atheists I know don’t actually use divisive nasty words like hate. Most of the time when I heard the words ‘hate’ being thrown around in regard to religion it is always coming out of the mouths of Lori and pals.

I hate the stupid things she says, the harmful ideas like promoting of Black Salve, no vaccinations, her ideas on staying through emotional abuse, her cries of slander when quoted.  I hate Lori trying to sow discord by making untrue claims about the nature of men, her ideas on nutrition, her hypocrisy in clothing choices.

I hate that Lori has no idea how to construct an argument, or mount a defense. No ability to debate. I loath her immediately banning and deleting any comment that does not kiss her derriere, her inability to handle any type of critical words or even gentle disagreement, or to be open to other ideas or critical thinking. It’s all mean-spirited lecturing, hectoring and nagging.

I  know it sounds like I’m just picking on Lori Alexander, but I venture to say that Lori is representative of all the awful squishy things about many Evangelicals that even other Christians do not like. An example of all depraved words and actions, ignoble, hypocritical, banal and evil.

I don’t hate Lori. I feel sorry for her because she’s missing out on so many good things, good things in faith and that have nothing to do with faith.

By their actions and words they prove that the last thing in the world they are interested in is honest discourse. They’re looking to impose their words on everyone else without any interest in the thoughts, feelings or anything at all about others.

But until Lori and others learn to treat “non-believers” like valued people with respect they’ll never be taken seriously by anyone not in their group.

Just try talking honestly, kindly and without an agenda to someone not in your own group. That alone would go a very long way towards bridging the gap.

What would you like to see Evangelical types like Lori know about why they are not liked?

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About Suzanne Titkemeyer
Suzanne Titkemeyer went from a childhood in Louisiana to a life lived in the shadow of Washington D.C. For many years she worked in the field of social work, from national licensure to working hands on in a children's residential treatment center. Suzanne has been involved with helping the plights of women and children' in religious bondage. She is a ordained Stephen's Minister with many years of counseling experience. Now she's retired to be a full time beach bum in Tamarindo, Costa Rica with the monkeys and iguanas. She is also a thalassophile. She also left behind years in a Quiverfull church and loves to chronicle the worst abuses of that particular theology. She has been happily married to her best friend for the last 32 years. You can read more about the author here.

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  • Kit Hadley-Day

    How hard is it to understand that the vast majority of non believers would not give a stuff about their god and his pronouncements until they are used as an excuse to rob others of rights.

  • Tawreos

    Just try talking honestly, kindly and without an agenda to someone not in your own group.

    So many of them can’t. I have run into far too many christians in my life that believe that anything that isn’t explicitly christ centered is of the world and not worthy of their time. With that type of mindset it is nearly impossible to not have an agenda for any conversation. We also need to keep in mind that most of these people have so totally twisted the concept of love that they think threats of eternal torture is a good way to show that love. With that in mind, is it really that odd that they have no idea how to show kindness as well? When you have an agenda that absolutely must be served to the point that it twists love there is no way for honesty to escape unscathed either.

    For people like Lori to know the harm they are doing with their words and actions, they would have to be able to step outside their bubble and see how their words will look in the “wild”. Sadly, if most of them ever take this step they will become outcast from their “perfect god loving family” of believers.

  • Nea

    Photo aside, the text is extremely clear about why people don’t believe. Lori, in her infinite lack of discernment actually posted a very clear explanation of why people don’t drink her koolaide.

    I guess too many people handed her her ass over pretending that people who don’t Christian exactly her way didn’t read the Bible. RHE read far more of it than Lori ever has.

  • I don’t think that most Christians who are hateful are even clear on what the agenda really is or should be.

    In the Book of James in the New Testament, it says that pure, undefiled religion is hallmarked by two things:
    1. To visit the widows and the orphans (in their suffering)
    2. To keep oneself unspotted from the world.

    Especially in Quiverfull, there is so much of a focus put on purity of all varieties that people see the messiness of the lives of widows and troubled children as incompatible with maintaining purity. One is done in exclusion of the other. If you consider what was called the two greatest commandments, loving one’s neighbor like you love yourself demands involvement with widows and orphans, and especially loving people who aren’t believers. There isn’t a loophole that exempts anyone from loving enemies, but most people can’t manage that, either.

    I think that kind of fear makes a telling statement about where a person puts their trust. God is supposed to be at work in someone who listens to “the sales pitch,” but most people don’t trust that God is enough. Rather than seeing the exchange of ideas that helps others understand what they believe and why, it becomes a brawl on the playground of life. If God is responsible, then if they’ve explained why they believe a certain thing, their job is done. But too many people fail to give the outcome over for God to work out, seeing their job as ‘closing the sale.’

  • I don’t hate Christians. I hate how they’re trying to force their religious rules on everybody else.

  • Saraquill

    I’ve encountered a number of ex-Christians on Patheos with deep resentment towards their former beliefs. Unfortunately, many of them keep the “people who aren’t like me are disgusting” mindset they supposedly ran away from.

  • Michael Neville

    I don’t care what your beliefs are as long as you don’t try to impose those beliefs on me and people I care about. You may think that LGBTQs are untermenschen and, while I’ll think you’re a bigot, I won’t call you out on it unless specifically asked about it. However if you try to outlaw same-sex marriage or keep transgenders from using toilets then I’ll denounce your bigotry because it has effects on other people.

  • A good bit of that is likely due to trauma. That’s actually a healthy response to a harmful experience for a time, but not if the person gets stuck there. People don’t and really shouldn’t feel safe around those who hurt and abused them, but with time and distance, hopefully people heal.

    I know that I often get held accountable for the extremes of the worst common denominator of Christian as if I agree with and behave like I’m a member in good standing at Westboro Baptist Church. It’s not pleasant, and I understand why it happens. I (try not to) take a diatribe leveled at me too personally, but some days are better than others. I also take some comfort in the idea that the person is actively working at their recovery, or they wouldn’t try to engage anyone about such things.

  • Kit Hadley-Day

    are you agreeing with me? or do you think my post some how supports the religious position? I just want to clarify before responding.

    Edit, given you up voted my comment i assume you are agreeing with what i said somewhat more forcefully, sounds fair to me.

  • Nea

    It’s right there in the quote that she attached to that photo. It’s right there and she’s still pretending that it’s all about rebelling against a fantasy instead of rightfully striking back against her attempts to overrule other’s rights.

  • Michael Neville

    Sorry, I thought it was obvious that I was agreeing with you. The “you” in my comment was a generic “you”, not referring to you, Kit Hadley-Day, personally.

    I apologize for my sloppy writing.

  • Kit Hadley-Day

    no apology required, i was pretty sure i recognized you and knew where you stood. Hence the question.

    I have a policy of clarifying my understanding of a situation before leaping to a conclusion, particularly when it is so easy to get the wrong end of the wrong stick from the written word. I have let fly at people before and had to eat humble pie, and i hate the taste.

  • Kit Hadley-Day

    well you can’t expect her to read every single little word now can you? next you’ll be expecting her to approach the subject rationally.

  • Saraquill

    I’ve come across too many who remain stuck in that mindset. It bothers me how they insist they’re better people, but exhibit and/or condone coded bigotry.

    Like one person who knew full well that I’m disabled. They were listing countries they consider moral because nonreligious, and mentioned Japan. Shortly after dozens of disabled people were stabbed in their sleep.

  • Allison the Great

    There are a few things I hate about what is going on with them, without hating them. I hate the fact that their misogyny has to permeate into my culture through legislation. I dislike the vice grip that the religious right has on one of our political parties. I don’t believe in any of the things they do, and I don’t want it shoved down my throat.

  • SAO

    I’d like them to accept atheism as a valid choice, but of course, that would violate their worldview. I’d like to see people like Lori actually do some good for the world, not just criticize others, call it ‘teaching’ and think that carping has value.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    It’s hard. I went off the deep end yesterday, chewing out a man and calling him a rotten homophobe to his face because at a church social he started whinging on and on about the evils of public school, calling it a liberal communist indoctrination scheme to promote the evil homosexual agenda. Usually I smile, grind my teeth and get the hell away from these folks. Not yesterday. I saw read and called him out before telling him he was so nasty, awful and non-Christian that he made me want to puke so I was going as far from him as possible. Yeah, a visitor from another church spewing this trash.

  • Friend

    As a Christian, I find the extreme views of today’s evangelicals to be a threat to democracy and everyday conversation. Overreach threatens the very Christianity they hold dear, but of course they don’t see it that way. They can’t live and let live, because the legalization of X, Y, and Z will cause God to smite America. The “you’re going to Hell” game has been going on for centuries; when will my fellow Christians realize that it’s an empty threat? (If there is a Hell, it’s not full of people who wore yoga pants or got the fine points wrong about transubstantiation.)

    I feel a strong duty to do more than just shut up when evangelicals are ranting about their favorite topics. In conversation with an extremist, it’s now easy to let most of them know you disagree: just listen, don’t nod, and don’t smile. If it gets really bad, gently say “excuse me, I need to go,” and go. Politeness actually jars some people into realizing they are dealing with a human being, not a demon. (This assumes that there is no hope of persuading them through discussion.)

    Apart from that, I try to live by example. I vote. I attend a famously tolerant church. I donate to causes that support human rights. And yes, when there is a ghost of a chance, I try to persuade. Christianity belongs to me, too.

  • Friend

    Paul told Christians to visit people in prisons. Some evangelicals do this, but how many evangelical churches have a prison ministry?

    These days, a lot of evangelical churches serve only their own members—and oppressively, at that.

    Healthier churches open their doors to the poor, the homeless, Head Start, 12-step programs, scout groups, etc. The conservative church where I grew up let a local company run its basketball league in the church gym. It cost us money (electricity, water, janitorial services), but we viewed this as part of our duty as a tax-exempt organization.

  • paganheart

    I sing in the choir of an ELCA Lutheran church. Every week, the church hosts multiple AA and NA meetings. They host both a Boy Scout and a Girl Scout troop. They host Project Healing Waters, an organization that helps veterans with PTSD by teaching them how to fly fish and how to tie flies, while they talk about their experiences. Twice a month, they host New Song, an art therapy program that helps children who are grieving the loss of a parent or sibling. Every Saturday, we have a food bank that distributes surplus food from grocery stores, including fresh produce, to people in need. Because a few people in desperate need show up in the church office during the week and not just Saturdays and Sundays, there is a food pantry in the office that provides emergency, non-perishable food, as well as gift cards from grocery stores and gas stations, and referrals to Lutheran Social Services and other agencies for housing and utility assistance (even a ride there if needed.) There are other outreach ministries as well; these are just the ones I can list off the top of my head. These programs are open to anyone, no questions asked.

    By contrast, it seems the independent, fundie “megachurces” do little to none of the same outreach, or do it only with major strings attached. Several years ago, a friend of mine was trying to help her ex-husband, who had fallen on hard times and couldn’t pay his rent or utilities. She knew that some churches in the area sometimes offered assistance in those in need (including her own, but unfortunately her church was tapped out, as this was during the Great Recession.) She figured that the big, fancy megachurches with their million-dollar buildings would have the most help to offer; what she found instead was that many megachurches had no aid programs, no food pantries, no referrals to other aid agencies. If they did have aid, it was usually restricted only to members of said church. It was at the less-shiny, less-fancy mainline churches (and even the Catholic church) where she found help with no strings (or only minimal ones) attached.

    So many of the fundie churches seem like little more than fancy social clubs with a thin christian veneer, where the members get to sit around and crow about how “superior” they are to those “other people.” They’d rather do that, than actually do the hard and messy work of helping the needy. Because then they would have to admit that reality outside their simple little bubbles is ugly, messy and complicated, and they really aren’t “superior.” Far from it.

    I don’t hate Lori either BTW; though I certainly don’t like her actions. As a person, I just sort of pity her. She’s obviously horribly broken, like a lot of her fundie bretheren.

  • Mel

    I think for Lori the fact that the vast majority of people – regardless of religious belief or not – view her as irrelevant, self-righteous, or mind-blowingly ignorant is far more disturbing than the alleged hatred of non-believers.

    Being hated can be a powerful form of negative attention – which a whole lot of CP/QF leaders or bloggers are hooked on.

    The real state of bland dismissal is far more terrifying to them because it shows how isolated they really are.

  • Friend

    Poor you. It can be hard to keep that stuff bottled up.

    Like you, I usually manage to be polite, but once in awhile I try to confuse them. A neighbor was ranting about how colleges are just hotbeds of Antifa. I nodded and said, “Oh, absolutely. I know so many young people who are majoring in Antifa Studies and applying for those new Antifa internships. Some of them are even studying abroad in Antifa.”

    He didn’t know if I was serious, so he shut up.

  • Jen (*.*)

    Just recently I explained to one Christian friend why I’m a Liberal and to another concerns about how her religious beliefs are impacting her gay teen. I hate confrontation, but when I see/hear injustice and harmful theology being perpetuated it’s getting harder to keep quiet. The outcome can be very messy of course.

    Now that I’ve been out of it for awhile, toxic Christianity is downright shocking to see.

  • AFo

    I would say most “unbelievers” don’t hate individual people, or even the idea of religion in general, they hate the endless proselytizing, the idea that there is only one true way to live, and if you don’t live that way, you’re a bad person, and using a specific church or religion’s rules to take away the rights of others. Lori and her ilk need to mind their own business and let others live their lives in peace.

  • bekabot

    I hate that Lori has no idea how to construct an argument, or mount a defense.

    These are things which Lori doesn’t think it’s important to know — and the men who support her agree. Logic and debate-skills are man stuff, like high-caliber weapons or high-yield explosives, and the theory is that no woman should presume to wield them even if she knows how, since they weren’t made for her or by her. The thinking on the socially-conservative right is that male and female styles of mentation are different enough that you can’t switch from one to another, at least not very efficiently or with great success. Which means that woman who applies her brains to a male field of endeavor is making bad use of her intellect; the best she can do is produce a pale imitation of male thought; she would do far better to use her female brains for the female tasks to which they are suited, like quilting, flower-arranging, nostrum-vending, and intramural female sniping. (Just coincidentally, none of the things the female mind was created for pay very well — when and if they pay at all. Wonder how that happened.)

    It also means that a woman who aspires to perform a male task in a man’s way is making herself redundant. If what the men around her or the men who hired her needed was another man, why wouldn’t they just have gotten one of those? It’s not like there aren’t plenty of men out there. What does she suppose they want her for? And if what they want her for is the woman’s point of view, hadn’t she better give them what they want; and hadn’t she better give it to them in the requested form, with no logic or consequence attached? Because they’re right; they can get that from other men; and they have a right (some right) to be sick of it. What they want from her is a rest, a vision of a type of mentality unshackled by causation — we all gotta dream, don’t we? Plus, it’s a way of defeating your foes by not taking them seriously. When your enemies bring knives to a fistfight or guns to a knife fight, you can get the better of them by showing up with a cageful of chickadees, which you then release and which promptly start to gabble and chirp your opponents to death. (A Danish philosopher once called this being pecked to death by geese, and his geese, like ours, weren’t exclusively egg-layers.)

    This way of doing things isn’t confined to the religious right; it’s pretty widespread in the secular world too: I give you Peggy Noonan and Maureen Dowd.

    No ability to debate.

    See above. Lori may or may not have the ability to debate; the thing about her is that if she does have the ability she’s never developed it — and if she doesn’t have the ability, it doesn’t matter. It’s appropriate that Lori doesn’t have the ability to debate. According to the world she inhabits, which is after all a production and offshoot of the larger, secular world, debate skills, argumentative flair, facility at mounting a defense, and so forth, are about as useful to Lori as a bicycle would be to a fish and somewhat less appropriate than lipstick on a pig. In other words, Lori’s cackhandedness is a feature and not a bug. Her ineffectiveness is what she’s there to exhibit. The people around her will never object to it, because it’s what they want to see. It’s what they’ve got her for.

    Sorry for length.

  • Friend

    If what the men around her or the men who hired her needed was another man, why wouldn’t they just have gotten one of those?


  • gimpi1

    It certainly does, and I would suggest that it’s more yours than theirs. The actions you describe sound a whole lot more like the actions of Jesus as described in the New Testament than anything I’ve ever heard from Mrs. Alexander.

  • Delilah Hart

    “It’s called free speech.”

    Thus sayeth the woman who blocks people on Facebook!

  • I’m sorry that you had to endure that. The world is a hard place to live in sometimes. We all have choices to be positive or negative elements in it, and it seems sometimes that more choose the latter. People can be moral under the worst of governance, and they can be horrible in a system that encourages morality. I think one of the things about Christianity that helps to hold me together is the idea that there will be a reckoning before the most kind and loving source of all goodness. And I’m grateful that I’m the one who doesn’t have to figure it all out. I have my own garbage to worry about.

  • Martin Penwald

    I know this one : AL lawmakers have been pretty clear that they consider women have less rights than corpses, and they explicitely put that on their christian faith. Plus Pence, Robertson, Anderson, Ham, Comfort, and so on. They are despicable people and proud of it. They make everything they can to be hated.

  • JetGirl


  • Friend

    Bigotry is the word.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Idiots like Doug Wilson are effing gleeful over it.

  • Dave H

    “what she found instead was that many megachurches had no aid programs, no food pantries, no referrals to other aid agencies”

    Many (not all) of the more conservative/fundamental churches are openly hostile to such programs, dismissing them and lumping them in the big category of “social justice programs” that they disdain and oppose.

    Frequently you hear these churches boasting that they are meeting the far more important SPIRITUAL needs of people by putting all their efforts into evangelism, and scorning the “liberal” churches who are working to meet material needs. Which is mind-boggling in light of James 2:15-17 where such an approach is called out as being like dead faith without deeds: ” Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.”

  • Jim Jones

    How many ‘Christians’ follow Matthew 25:35-40? Or Matthew 6:5-6?

    Most all are just virtue signaling.

  • Jim Jones

    She’s just a soul masturbator.

  • Cynthia Brown Christ

    You can tell a “believer” a hundred times that they are not liked because they are a bully, and still they will “believe” they are persecuted because of their true faith.

    They are too brainwashed by their media, their parents, their politics and their pastor to “believe” the real truth (about most things).

  • Cynthia Brown Christ

    “Is Matthew part of the bible,” they would ask?

  • Cynthia Brown Christ

    I belong to a fairly large group on FB of Ex fundamentalists and ALL of them have beautiful and loving hearts.

    The stuff you are reading on FB is responses to ridiculous things that the fundamentalists are doing to our country.

  • katiehippie

    She doesn’t try to shut them down? A blatent lie. I’m blocked from commenting on her blog and her facebook page. And I just disagreed politely, I wasn’t mean or nasty. She is unbelievable.

  • Saraquill

    I wasn’t reading anything on Facebook, and the mentality I mentioned wasn’t limited to current US politics. I give an example upthread of the drivel lobbed around.

  • Because they try to force down their beliefs in others, their threats of Hell otherwise, their superiority complex, and I still could go on.

  • paganheart

    Yep, I’m quite aware of that attitude, having grown up around it…the (mistaken) belief that if you are poor, it is because you are a sinner who does bad things and makes bad choices. So we lure you into our fundie church or megachurch with shiny, fancy things, and encourage you to get “born again,” so Magic Superhero Jesus will magically make you stop doing bad things and making bad choices, and poof! you won’t be poor anymore, and you won’t need “handouts” from that nasty government, or any of those “SJWs.”

    In a word: Horseshit.

    Nothing more than excuses by very weak, very cowardly people, to avoid dirtying their hands in the messy work of trying to help people in a hard, messy, ugly and complicated world. A world that many fundies in megachurches lack the intellect, resilience and courage to face.

  • Delilah Hart

    The same thing could be said about Ann Coulter. I still remember when she compared Katie Couric to Eva Braun. The comparison made zero sense, but that didn’t matter, because brainless right-wingers lapped it up.

  • Jennifer

    I didn’t notice the question at the end before. Gosh..where to begin?

    You’re not well-regarded, Lori and co, because you either talk to other people like garbage or ignore them entirely while condemning their lives. Why would anyone want to talk to you, especially when seeing that you even treat other believers this way? What kind of a group does that and what sort of god do they serve?

    You’re not liked because your beliefs are as studded with nails as the way you speak. Why would anyone want unhappy marriages, lousy and weak men, and no access to proper medicine?

    You’re not respected because you show vast ignorance of subjects that even people who aren’t experts can see is wrong, and you won’t remotely try to get educated about matters you spread lies about.

    But the biggest reason I personally don’t like or respect you? Because you give God a bad name and scare people away from the gracious, kind Lord we really serve. You abuse people verbally, directly and as a group at times, such as the survivors of abuse that you dismiss. And most people can walk away and maybe forget you after your first sting; you’re just one voice in a huge ocean of online speakers. But when you malign God, you risk cutting off something a lot more precious in someone else’s life, a relationship with One who loves and values them. You also risk making people wary of others who love Him and value other human beings, sowing discord and mistrust. You make the world more divided, Lori and others, people from other people and people from God. You can isolate and harm in more ways than one, esp now when there’s so much division already. Instead of a balm, you’re a canker at best, and by your own choice one of the last things the world needs.

  • bekabot

    Ann Coulter has a searing contempt for her audience, and it shows.

  • Jennifer

    I never saw a contempt for her audience. Maybe she thought Couric was a puppet.