Physically Abusing Your Wife is Biblical?

Physically Abusing Your Wife is Biblical? July 20, 2019

Just when you thought Trey’s horrifying words describing a sexual assault and/or rape of his wife in the cruelest of terms is the lowest that Larry Solomon and pals could get up to at Biblical Gender Roles they prove it’s not the bottom. Many of the men posting, including Larry the Hairy Man, are all too eager to take it into physical abuse, and justifying it as Bible, even as a woman points out it’s not.

Here’s what one of the few women posting on the thread said:

“I’m appalled, though, that there are men who think it is OK to strike a woman. Nowhere does the Bible say that is acceptable. In fact it says the opposite in Col. 3:19 telling husbands not to be harsh with their wives. Wives are not children. Scripture tells a man to go to the corner of the roof (get away) if his wife is nagging and being contentious.

The silent treatment? OK because that can keep a conflict from escalating and allows a person ‘time to cool off.

I’m no feminist. I do submit to and obey my husband however, if he ever put a hand on me I would defend myself. He would find the closest object in my reach upside his head.”

She has a point about at least the silent method allows the offended party to cool off without escalating anything. It’s still not a good way to deal with conflict in marriage. You’re still not resolving anything, or communicating.

But Larry et al responds in some pretty hateful ways. Larry burbles on for awhile with that evangelical buzz word “bitter” before defending physical abuse:

“Is it cruel or severe for a parent to spank their child? If your child was getting in your face contending with you and be rebellious and nasty toward you challenging your authority over them and you gave them a controlled open palmed slap on the cheek why would that be harsh? I am betting you would say the answer is this is not harsh treatment of a parent toward a child under those circumstances.

So then we must ask, why is a controlled spanking or an opened handed smack on the cheek from a husband toward his wife in a moment when she is being contentious and disrespectful in his face considered harsh?

Do you accept the Biblical proposition that a husband not only has the right, but the Biblical obligation to discipline his wife? It does not have to be physical discipline, but that is one option of discipline a man has.”

So Larry Solomon sees it as his divine right as a husband to smack around his wife and kids for ‘rebellion’? This all makes me feel so sad for his much put upon wife and children.

Larry then goes on to claim that he believes in the same sort of discipline and chastening as Christ teaches. Funny I’ve never seen any evidence that Jesus ever threw a left hook or a silly slap at anyone else. Just that he wrecked a whole passel of things, inanimate objects, when he threw the money changers from the temple.

Then he claims he’d never lay a hand on his wife. Why? Well, not because it’s abusive or hateful, but more because she would call the cops. Funny how the threat of law enforcement is enough to shut down the cowardly claims of discipline.

“Now as I said in a comment on this thread – I have never raised a hand to my wife in all our marriage. But it is not because I believe to do so would be morally wrong or treating my wife as a child. Part of the reason is because of how my wife was raised and that is similar to you. She believes if a man ever lays a hand on a woman, even for discipline, this is wrong and she would calling her parents and the cops. But also the other part is my father disciplined my mother in non-physical ways and that is the style I am most comfortable with.

But some women are familiar with and accepting of physical discipline toward wives. They witnessed it with their father and mother or they have opened their eyes to the Scriptures and now find it acceptable and right. I have had many women writing me and occasionally they comment here about it. If you check out my article “Does the Bible Allow a Husband to Spank his Wife?” you will see a woman named Tina, one of several women who write me or make comments that fully accepts the concept of physical discipline for wives by their husbands.”

No, Larry, just no. Seeing your mother regularly getting beat down by her husband does not make it a right way to discipline anyone ever~ Abuse is abuse no matter what type of Biblical names you want to try to wrap it in.

AngloSaxon jumps in with this:

“I don’t like the idea of giving a girl the silent treatment. I’d much sooner give her a slap and deal with it immediately. I’d rather not lose out on enjoying my wife for however long it takes for the silent treatment to take effect.”

Now, now, a slap is still considered physical abuse and we know from the statistics at RAINN and the National Domestic Abuse Hotline that this type of abuse almost always escalates, from slaps to punches and worse. Women end up dead from guys that start with a slap.

Jonabah chimes in, but does not come outright and advocate beatings:

“A wife that contending with her husband ,is not submitting to her husband and a wife that is sexually defrauding her husband is planting the seeds of bitterness and failure. A wife has great power to influence her own happiness in marriage, too bad the older women won’t teach her how. The older women would rather teach her how to be headstrong with moxie and exercise “girl power”. What she plants she will reap, plant seeds of love and contentment, bear a harvest of joy. Plant seeds of defrauding and quarreling and reap the bitterness of a lonely life of regret.”

Better to be alive and headstrong than a dead doormat.

Most of these men are dragging into this discussion words about sexual refusal, when it’s not even close to the main point of the original discussion or letter. Typically as those type of patriarchs they are all just worried about Mr. Happy getting his jollies more than anything else.

I’ve recently given  it a lot of thought, and I have to believe that if it were not for these stringent unBiblical gender roles none of these guys would be able to attract or keep a mate. They’d be lonesome sad sacks if some poor woman wasn’t emotionally terrified into thinking they are her lot in life. Sort of Christian Beta Cuckolds. THAT is what they really fear, no having access to the cooking sex robot ‘yes dear’ machine.

It’s not love.

It’s not love of Christ.

It’s all getting their rocks off.

To end this shower of excrement may I present Larry the Liar. Denying he ever tried to control his wife via her pain meds. Larry, I have the screen caps. Scrub your site all you like but they exist.

“And no, contrary to what some crazy feminist writer has recently said about me, I do not deny my wife medications or use her medications to control her moods. I keep her medications locked in a safe and give them to her as prescribed by her doctors daily because she has abused her pain medications in the past(overused them) and her doctor has asked me to do this. In fact he insists I come to each appointment with her to confirm with me she is not using other medications and just the ones he prescribes.”

Larry is calling me a ‘crazy feminist writer’, just don’t call me late for surfing and we’re golden. I am a humanist, I want to see everyone equally succeeding in their lives. Call me crazy for that, but it’s less insane that beating others.

He can deny what he is doing with her medications is not abusive all he wants, but not being allowed personal control over your own medications is still abuse. I’m surprised her doctor is compliment in that abuse. There are time released options and all sorts of other ways to deal with misuse and too frequent usage that does not involve putting someone else in the position of controlling the medication. This is toxic control.

If you are in a relationship like these listed above I beg of you, please reach out for help! You do not have to live like this!

RAINN – 800.656.4673

The National Domestic Violence Hotline – 800.799.7233

How proud WordPress must be that they are hosting and enabling men who believe in the routine practice of domestic violence.

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NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

I Fired God by Jocelyn Zichtermann

13:24 A Dark Thriller by M Dolon Hickmon

About Suzanne Titkemeyer
Suzanne Titkemeyer went from a childhood in Louisiana to a life lived in the shadow of Washington You can read more about the author here.D.C. For many years she worked in the field of social work, from national licensure to working hands on in a children's residential treatment center. Suzanne has been involved with helping the plights of women and children' in religious bondage. She is a ordained Stephen's Minister with many years of counseling experience. Now she's retired to be a full time beach bum in Tamarindo, Costa Rica with the monkeys and iguanas. She is also a thalassophile. She also left behind years in a Quiverfull church and loves to chronicle the worst abuses of that particular theology. She has been happily married to her best friend for the last 33 years. You can read more about the author here.
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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • kaydenpat

    Wow. Physically or mentally abusing one’s spouse is never right no matter how you try to justify it via your holy book. I hope that the women married to these men wake up and leave before it’s too late. A man who feels that he has the right to hit you, won’t stop there.

    It’s shocking to read this in 2019. I thought we had moved beyond this backwardness. Women are not children and even children don’t deserve to be subjected to abuse.

  • Jennifer

    “She believes if a man ever lays a hand on a woman, even for discipline, this is wrong and she would calling her parents and the cops.”

    And she’s right you stupid garbage pile, and it does my heart good that your wife knows this and still maintains it. You go ahead and believe women can’t “discipline” their husbands or check their behavior through silent means too, or that most men are so pathetic they can’t do anything but hit a woman if she’s in their face. Obviously that would be annoying, and if someone does get in another person’s face aggressively, they might get pushed away or lightly smacked. But that should never be done forcefully or deliberately as “discipline”, bc they’re not some wayward animal you’re training (and God help animals or kids too who might come across creeps like you).

  • I’m curious where he found that in the Bible.

    Not curious enough to click, though.

  • Trellia

    I do think it is cruel and severe to spank a child, too.

  • persephone

    My ex raped me hundreds of times. Pushed me against a wall once. But he never hit me, because he knew that I could legally get him arrested or, more likely, that I would kill him and make the claim of self-defense.

  • persephone

    Don’t click. It’s located in the book of Larryisana$$ at 1:8.

  • GeckoShamelessRaceMixer

    What is wrong with these people??

  • persephone

    OT, need help. Back in the old NLQ forum days, there was a poster who also maintained a blog after leaving evangelical QF. She and her husband had four children, all girls, and they had moved away from their families. They went through a lot, but finally came to realize that they did not fit into that life, and questioning their faith. The husband ended up a trans woman, and the wife either came out as lesbian or was trans. I can’t remember, and the last time I read about it, I think she was still trying to decide.

    Does anyone remember this blogger?

  • Nefercat

    But also the other part is my father disciplined my mother in non-physical ways

    Well, this just made my hair stand on end. I can only imagine the verbal, mental, psychological, and sexual abuse dear old dad saw fit to dole out.

  • Nefercat

    If your child was getting in your face contending with you

    I really don’t think the child or wife is actually “getting in his face” as normal people think of it. I am pretty sure from what he writes that the simple act of his wife saying anything except “Yes dear, right away dear” would be interpreted by this pathetic creature as immensely threatening to him, “in his face” even.

  • Jennifer

    Or getting upset for probably a darn good reason.

  • Chris Hogue

    I can’t find enough cruelty in myself to even spank my dog. It’s rather easy to relay when you don’t like the actions of someone without having to resort to violence.

  • Brianna LaPoint

    Well another nail in the coffin. Whenever i come across a christian no matter how liberal or well meaning my mind immediately closes off to the person. Nowadays its about self preservation more than anything else. being female and ex christian i would not want to subjugate myself to any more pain and suffering than i have to.

  • AFo

    These “Christian” men use their religion to justify their power trips when Jesus himself was all about raising the weakest and knocking the powerful down a few pegs. I honestly didn’t think Larry could sink any lower, but at the rate he’s going, he’ll be at the Earth’s core before we know it.

  • TLC

    I vaguely remember Libby Anne writing about this couple on Love, Joy, Feminism a few years ago. I don’t remember names, though. Maybe searching that blog will help?

  • gimpi1

    I very much doubt any doctor would permit, let alone encourage meds be locked up, with one spouse distributing them. The only time this is done is when the person the medication is prescribed for is a child or suffering from dementia or mental illness.

    So, the logical conclusion is that Mt. Solomon is lying, again.

    Oh, and wear the title, ‘feminist’ with pride. A feminist is just a person who understands women are people, and all people should have the same basic rights and responsibilities.

  • gimpi1

    Calling the police is the only reasonable response to assault, which is what being hit is. The whole idea that physical violence is OK if it’s directed at family is beyond sick.

    Children do much better when they’re raised without violence. No adult ever has the right to use violence except in defense.

  • Oh, it’s quite biblical. If your property, I mean, wife disobeys, just smack her until she falls in line. Kid gets mouthy, smack him until he learns to “respect” (read: “fear”) you. After the first few times, you can just threaten them with violence — they already know you’re willing and able to do it.

  • Bobo

    If you look up “permission to live” you will find her blog, she hasn’t posted anything in years though.

  • Judging by my ex? Anything short of meek submission counts as “bucking up” and is therefore a valid reason to get shouty, boundary-invade-y, and violent. All because I dared to say “no.”

  • Like he did the thing he promised never to do again.

  • Feeling like I made a very narrow escape, here.

  • persephone

    Thank you!

  • “How proud WordPress must be that they are hosting and enabling men who believe in the routine practice of domestic violence.”

    Well, WordPress was the host for a Russian based blog that helped get Trump elected, so yeah, domestic violence probably doesn’t bother them.

  • ….I’m sorry. (((((hugs)))))

  • lady_black

    Smack ME, and I’ll have you arrested. And while you’re waiting for someone to bail you out, I’ll be emptying the joint accounts, and filing a PFA against you.
    You’ll be served with the PFA, and be kicked out of the home with whatever you can carry along with you while the sheriff waits. At the hearing, I’m asking for child support, and alimony pende lite, along with retention of the family home while the divorce works it’s way through the courts, and you kick-out papers will order you to stay away from the family home, and my work, not to telephone either place, and if you run into me out in public, you will be required to stay 20 yards away from me at all times, and those orders will last at least a year.
    The longer you drag your feet signing the consent to divorce, the longer you’ll pay alimony. And, in the end, I will get my divorce anyway after two years. Your consent will no longer be necessary.

  • lady_black

    Actually, if you have foster children, ALL potentially harmful substances (i.e. all medications, first aid supplies other than bandages, and all cleaning supplies) must be under lock and key. But both adults should have keys to the medicine closet, and keeping your spouse’s medication locked away from them is abusive and unlawful.

  • lady_black

    Sexual abuse is physical abuse. But financial abuse isn’t.

  • lady_black

    I wasn’t above a boot to the butt with the side of my shoe to get a child’s attention while he/she is acting out. Then, once I have their attention, I get down on eye level and speak at a very low pitch, not raising my voice, and tell them exactly what I expect of them, or there will “x” consequences if they fail to comply.
    I did that when my young niece and nephew were tantruming at an amusement park. I looked them right in the eye and asked “Would you ever like me to bring you back here again?” Of course, the answer was yes. “Then you need to stop screaming THIS MINUTE.” I only ever had to do that ONE TIME, because they knew I meant it.

  • lady_black

    Animals and children do not learn from being hit. First, get their attention. Then make it clear what you expect, and spell out the consequences of non-compliance to them (we’ll leave right now, or I’ll never bring you here again, or no ice cream as the case may be). Don’t raise your voice, and do get down on eye level while speaking to them. That’s usually all it takes.
    I don’t have the slightest idea how you discipline a dog. Order them to their kennel? I just don’t know. I have cats. When they misbehave, I use a squirt bottle filled with water to stop them from doing what they’re doing. Usually seeing me reach for it is enough for them to stop.

  • Chris Hogue

    My dog’s only consequences has probably been the way I say his name. That should be all that’s needed. For dogs, rewarding them for good behavior is more important. Being at eye level is likely the best way to introduce yourself to a dog, but eye contact is generally a no-no.

  • Jennny

    Today’s nuggets of useless information….. in the UK, financial abuse can now be counted as reasons for divorce, alongside verbal abuse. Scotland and Wales are well on the way to banning the spanking of children by parents. And completely off-topic, Wales is also planning the banning of the use of wild animals in circuses. We have a few touring summer circuses in this tourist region, I hate seeing a mangy looking camel or elephant in the field during the day as I pass by the circus’ location.

  • Treyarnon

    It’s amazing to me that all these writers assume that singleness is lonely and sad. It can be, but there’s a shed load of evidence that single women acutualy have happy and purposeful lives. Believing that being coupled up and joined at the hip is a route to happiness is a great delusion. For me, singleness is a guilty pleasure and their vision of marriage hellish

  • Treyarnon

    Maybe childrem can and do learn from being hit, they learn that if you want your own way then hitting others is a tactic worth using….

  • Nnnn… there are a few lessons taught handily by hitting.

    1: Don’t get caught.

    2: Might makes right.

    3: You can’t trust anyone.

  • We have a ridiculously smart cat.

    She jumped up on the counter (because I was slow getting her dinner) and all I had to do was ask, “does Mom let you up here?” Hopped right down.

  • His backside.

  • SAO

    This shows how easily submission leads to abuse. The husband gets the final say and believes the bible says his wife has to do what he says. If she doesn’t, then what? She’s sinning. What is the master to do?

    There’s nothing in the theory of submission that deals with unreasonable requests, bad judgement, or how to negotiate differences.

  • AFo

    Preach. I love the freedom of being single. Not saying I will never be in a long term relationship, but right now casual dating is as much “relationship” that works for me. Not to mention that I’d rather be single forever if my other options were men like Larry

  • Nightshade

    I’ve been saying that for years, that there is nothing whatsoever wrong with being single. I’ve said that when I was in a bad relationship, when I was single, and I still believe that now that I’m in a great marriage. If an individual, regardless of gender, is happy alone, then I’m happy for them!

  • Friend

    Larry is claiming that God orders men to d1scipline their wives:

    Do you accept the Biblical proposition that a husband not only has the right, but the Biblical obligation to d1scipline his wife? It does not have to be physical discipl1ne, but that is one option of disc1pline a man has.

    Unfortunately some hotheads will take these words as Biblical marching orders.

  • Friend

    An elderly relative told me a husband’s j0b is to control his wife’s emotions. I was baffled, then I realized that this old guy, married to a vicious, embarrassing loon, 1) probably thought he could change her, and 2) went through decades of frustration and humiliation at his own failure to do that “j0b.”

  • Friend

    We have taught offspring that enjoying your own company is crucial to happiness, and living alone is a highly satisfying life skill.

  • Friend

    I don’t know if spouses are empowered to do what Larry is claiming. I do know that threats of su1c1de can lead to professional caregivers being in charge of the p1lls that a patient was planning to swallow.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Nowhere does he indicate that is what is going on here, just that there was some overuse of pain meds. There are all sorts of alternatives that are more appropriate than allowing Larry to dole out her meds

  • Friend

    Obligatory reminder that it is illegal in most states to spank adopted children. There are millions of adopted children. If they have non-adopted siblings, parents tend not to spank any of them because a double standard would never work.

    So yeah, those mean old state governments have forced some people to raise children without spanking, and coincidentally proved that this can be done.

  • Friend

    There are less drastic ways to get a child’s attention than a boot to the butt with the side of a shoe.

    The most powerful person in the room is not the dad with the belt, but the grandma with the raised eyebrow.

  • SAO

    Or he had a miserably unhappy wife who spent decades being picked on by her husband and became misery loves company, so she makes company.

  • SAO

    I trained a guinea pig to not go places I didn’t want him to go with a squirt bottle. It didn’t work until I started cooing ‘good guinea’ when he moved away from the forbidden places

  • Friend

    In this case, she had lifelong problems. I agree it could work both ways.

  • Allison the Great

    It’s funny how Larry is not intelligent enough to comprehend that the fact we live in a society in which his wife has the right to call the authorities should he hit her means that our standards of morality are much higher than those he thinks are in the Bible. He does understand what actions could get him arrested, however he sees legal consequences as him being being persecuted by the government. He loves to devote his blog to using the Bible to justify some of his most vile beliefs, “ see? It’s in there!” The proper response to that is, “nobody cares if it’s in there, we don’t do things like that anymore because we are better than that.”

  • lady_black

    Those aren’t the lessons we want to teach.

  • lady_black

    Financial abuse SHOULD BE a reason for divorce. Any reason a person no longer wishes to be married should “count” as a reason to divorce.
    Of course, these patriarchal putzes think there’s nothing wrong with depriving a spouse of money, or humanity, and applaud doing so to put the little woman “in her place.” And it’s hard for a brainwashed doormat to escape that mindset, no matter how demoralized she is.
    It’s not a matter of the women being happy under these circumstances. It’s that they view themselves as having little choice but to accept them. Their entire life has been pointing in this direction, as they are deprived of education, and agency growing up. When they marry someone like “Trey” they literally leap from the frying pan into the fire. I’m surprised there aren’t more suicides.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    I sometimes wonder how many of them secretly do sneaky rebellious things to screw with their men. Why aren’t more grinding glass or castor beans into the husband’s food.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Laughing here. Larry has gone off the deep end answering why Trey’s Blowjob69 comment is Biblical and trying to spank this writer for pointing it out. I am hardly the only one that noted and wrote about it.

  • Nefercat

    Good point. In my mind I was thinking of sexual abuse more as a subset of verbal/psychological abuse. Telling her how disgusting she is sexually, too ugly for any man to want to have sex with her, she can’t do anything right in bed, she’s repulsive, smelly, dirty, etc.

  • I agree. I’m just saying that’s what’s taught, whether you intend it or not.

  • lady_black

    To me, sexual abuse is what’s described in the prior essay. The one where a male speaks of punishing a wife who says no to sex by forcing oral sex on her.
    He can hardly be telling her how lousy she is in bed, and simultaneously be insisting that she fork over sex on demand.

  • I’m guessing most, if not all. There’s a certain thrill to getting away with those little rebellious acts.

  • Ruthitchka

    I should have called the police, but was embarrassed about my messy house. At any rate, seeing all these woman-abusing men online makes me super glad that I am divorced and at the moment, too busy to date!

    And spanking your wife? Wow, just wow. I once read a blog by one of the “spanking” guys. The wife gets spanked if she does something wrong, but the husband doesn’t seem to need to ever apologize. He is he Big Boss, I suppose.

  • Delta

    That was Melissia (or Melissa), right?

  • Debra Wehrly

    I think women should kearn self-defense so if her husband does raise his hand at her, she will know how to defend herself.

  • Debra Wehrly

    How can any woman be married to him?