Sexual Satisfaction Does Not Matter in Marriage?

Sexual Satisfaction Does Not Matter in Marriage? September 9, 2019

Here we are again, Suzanne the budding accidental sexologist trying to dissect why sex is so strange in Evangelical Quiverfull. I swear, I believe many times we have a ‘Hive Mind’ situation going on within the movement when the same themes pop up again and again. Today we have Lori Alexander of The Transformed Wife sharing a comment someone made about their friend’s marriage. The friend is married to a pornography addict, and treats his addiction and lack of desire for her as the same sort of suffering Jesus did on the cross. Preaching yet again that female sexual satisfaction does not matter in marriage.

“I once asked her why she didn’t divorce him and she said that she was thoroughly persuaded of God’s sovereignty and goodness over all of her life and that she didn’t think her marriage was an accident or mistake so she looked to God every day to help her cope joyfully. She reminded me that Jesus, unlike us, was sinless but suffered, so she doesn’t expect to live a suffering-free life either. She has taught me to appreciate the gift of my husband’s sex drive, to cherish it, and joyfully receive it rather than rolling my eyes and mumbling, ‘not again.’”

This friend of hers has eternity in her vision. She cares more about her husband’s eternal destiny than her own sexual fulfillment. Our sexual fulfillment is a blip on the scene of eternity. Eternity is forever. She must know that God is good and His plan for her is good so she trusts Him even though her marriage hasn’t turned out how she thought it would.”

Coping joyfully? Suffering? Why is it that every single marriage in Quiverfull sounds like a horror show more twisted than a Stephen King novel?

Scripture says things about marriage and love that sound nothing like what Lori Alexander and others are proposing. Sure, we all have tough times, but if every day is a tough time where you have to grit your teeth and cope joyfully then perhaps what you have isn’t a good marriage.

The good news in all of that is that you’re not stuck joylessly trudging through every day fake smiling while he stays online on Pornhub all day. You could get help. Find therapy in your area. If he refuses to go then you go, you go and work on yourself, find out what it is you need for a happy marriage. Or maybe even exploring if this is something that can be fixed, or the possible need to separate. Don’t live. miserable.

Now Lori doubles down on the suffering aspect of this instead of urging the poster to get any sort of legitimate help. But this is what Lori does. Someone posts about physical abuse and others urge them to get help, posting helpline numbers, and Lori comes along and deletes them Lori wants everyone else as miserable as she is, stuck in a loveless unhappy marriage with no orgasms.

Dear women, every marriage has its trials and goes through suffering. The life on this earth was never meant to be easy and carefree. We grow through our trials. They cause us to be more like Christ. Many of you are married to difficult men. Read and study 1 Peter until you almost know it by heart. It will be so much comfort for you and give you inner peace and strength. Find your joy in Christ and live your life for Him. Then the things of this world and the way your husband may treat you will not effect you, since you know he is most likely lost or blinded by his sin, knows not what he does, and needs Jesus’ transforming power in His life.

Do not settle for abuse! Everything Lori likes to describe is abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, financial abuse.

This just popped up and summarizes much about Lori. This is from her chatroom and just repeats that Lori needs a fawning echo chamber with no dissenting opinions.

The only scolding to be done with be Lori scolding others.


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About Suzanne Titkemeyer
Suzanne Titkemeyer went from a childhood in Louisiana to a life lived in the shadow of Washington D.C. For many years she worked in the field of social work, from national licensure to working hands on in a children's residential treatment center. Suzanne has been involved with helping the plights of women and children' in religious bondage. She is a ordained Stephen's Minister with many years of counseling experience. Now she's retired to be a full time beach bum in Tamarindo, Costa Rica with the monkeys and iguanas. She is also a thalassophile. She also left behind years in a Quiverfull church and loves to chronicle the worst abuses of that particular theology. She has been happily married to her best friend for the last 33 years. You can read more about the author here.

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