I’m still on my first cup of piping hot reviving energizing coffee when someone points me to Lori Alexander’s latest post on The Transformed Wife. Remember when Lori was trying to say if you’re married there’s no such thing as marital rape when the husband had sex with the sleeping wife? She now says rape always goes hand in hand with violence. She misses what consent is. Lori Alexander, this is exactly what marital rape is!
Do you know what the law says defines rape? What RAINN considers marital rape? It’s simple. Consent. If you say no, and wake up to him on top of you it is rape. If you’re too intoxicated to make a decision, any circumstance that renders you unable to say yes or no, even sleep. Someone having sex with your body without your express consent is raping you, is committed a sexual assault crime, even if you are married to them.
So what does consent look like? This, from RAINN
But in Lori’s world of women never enjoying sex consent does not exist, just ten minutes and lube.
This is rape, marital rape. She was asleep and could not give consent. If you cannot consent to sexual activity for any reason there is not positive consent given. Having a marriage license does not allow your husband to treat you like a sex doll!
So all Lori is truly worried about here is the man’s paycheck. That makes her no better than a five dollar an encounter lady of the night in some interstate truck stop. Except that a prostitute can say “No” to any client she wishes. Now that I think about it at least the lady of the night is honest in the natural of her transactional relations and she’s no sex slave or robot. They are offering a service for a wage, and the customers and clients all know what to expect. There is still consent in play.
Lori is not being honest her trading of sex for her big house, her maid, her gold Mercedes she keeps talking about, or any of the high priced junk that accompanies her life. She paid for it laying on her back. I’d rather not have a relationship that works that way, more of a partnership that a prostitute and a client, or a sex robot or slave with the master. Equality, with the freedom to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to sex without ten minutes and lube every time.
Really steamed over this, yet I know that the only reason Lori wrote again about this, rehashed an old video and post, is for attention. Trading sex for luxurious living is not the only transaction going on with Lori. Lori loves to write these very controversial posts, garner enormous pushback while she’s madly deleting everyone’s words, and then crow about going viral. Attention seeking behavior!
This is what marital rape looks like! You do not give consent, he has sex with you over your own objects. Remember Larry Solomon of Biblical Gender Roles advising men to have forced sex with their crying wives when they say no, but not to look into their sinful crying faces? Larry is soliciting rape with that statement, and could be found guilty if a wife was able to point to his statement as urging her husband to rape her. This is common theology is parts of Quiverfull.
You are not a hired prostitute expected to automatically give out sex. Ten minutes and lube is just pathetic. If you are not willing to have sex with your husband every time he asks you are legally able to say no. No ten minutes and lube!
If this is happening to you, and you’ve wanted help, it’s out there. A few resources.
RAINN – Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network – 800.656.4673
National Domestic Abuse Hotline – 800.799.7233
If you’re like me, an American citizen living overseas this is also something that the U.S. Embassy services deals with, spousal abuse. Abuse is much more than mere hitting.
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