I still don’t know what possessed me to sneak out of my house in the middle of the night to meet my boyfriend* when I was 16 years old. I was met with a consequence, which solidified why dads are important. My dad was the original Terminator. He was a 30-year Korean and Vietnam War vet. He and my mom ran a tight ship. He believed in discipline, and he was not afraid to use it. So sneaking out in the... Read more
I functioned like a chauffeur early in my marriage. I was constantly doing stuff to drive my husband away. Are you aware of how wives drive husbands away? Do you wonder why your husband isn’t as attentive as he used to be? If he seems more interested in fondling his PS4 controller than you, you might be putting distance between the two of you without realizing it. I’ve wasted a lot of time trying to change my husband. As a result, I... Read more
One hundred percent of marriages hit hard spots. And half of them end in divorce. If your happily-ever-after is starting to crumble, and you find yourself asking “When is divorce the right answer?” ask yourself different questions instead. When I coach women who are struggling in their marriages, I often advise them to ask themselves the same hard questions I asked myself when I thought divorce was the answer. It’s easy to look at what my husband is not doing and complain.... Read more
Do women who say they never fight with their husbands make you sick? It’s tempting to wish you had a relationship like that, too. Don’t because fighting is a sure way to gauge the health of your marriage. Let me say right up front, physical or emotional abuse are not healthy ways to fight.* Yelling, bullying, insulting and saying a bunch of stuff you don’t mean won’t resolve anything. No one likes to disagree, but couples who learn to fight... Read more
How do you deal with disappointment at Christmas? What happens when the Christmas you envision and the Christmas you actually get don’t match up? It’s hard being disappointed at Christmas. There’s nothing like getting a bad gift or no gift at all. Countless questions run through your mind. Why would he think I’d like this? Has he ever seen me wear this color? The agony of an unmet expectation. Disappointment. It hurts. How do you handle it? What do you... Read more
Do you ever think, “Why does my husband irritate me so much?” Early in our marriage, I had no shortage of reasons to be irritated. If he brought home flowers and we were on a tight budget, I was annoyed. If he picked up my favorite snack and I was on a diet, I was annoyed. If he wanted to get intimate and I’d had a long day, I was annoyed. I didn’t realize I was hurting my marriage. Annoyance... Read more
After the buildings have burned and the haze has cleared, my sons will have to figure out how to move forward in a world that sees their black skin first. Through the smoke, I see a glimmer of hope that’s bigger than hate. Dear Sons, Even though you’ve heard this all before, I can’t risk leaving a stone unturned. Your lives are too precious to me. I’m writing to tell you the truth about racism after the tragic, unjustifiable death... Read more
It’s easy to recognize selfishness in someone else, but how can you tell if you’re selfish? Ask yourself: Do you think you’re usually right? Do you need to be in control? Do you feel like no matter what your husband does, he never does it good enough? If you answered ‘yes’ to any of those questions, you’re probably more selfish than you think you are. Being selfish is a threat to marriage. Selfish people like to be in control. They... Read more
Being cooped up can test even the best of relationships. The longer you have the stay in, the more you want to get out. Instead of wondering when will this be over, how about wondering, “How can I make him feel special?” As awful as the pandemic is, you’ll probably never again have an opportunity like this to concentrate on your marriage without the stresses of work or outside influences. Why not use this time to make your husband feel... Read more
Quarantine can test the best of marriages. But if you’re already struggling, being stuck in a house for weeks with your husband may put the last nail in the coffin of your union. So if you’re struggling, the thought of quarantine may have you wondering, “How can I make my marriage stronger?” If you have a strong relationship, you might enjoy spending a few weeks holed up with your husband. If you’re already on the rocks, sheltering in place could... Read more
The Not So Excellent Wife
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