If my husband had said “I’ll give it a shot” when the pastor asked him to keep his wedding vows, I would’ve drop kicked that bouquet and headed for the door. You probably would’ve, too. Many times I’ve acted as if I meant “I’ll try” instead of “I do.” Getting married is easy but staying married takes commitment. “I do” is a serious promise. How do you show commitment in marriage? Download “How to Be a Wife No Man… Read more
Have you ever wondered, “What are my kids learning from watching my marriage?” The answer to that question is a lot. A child’s perception of marriage will most likely be what you show them through your own marriage. I can show them a good example or a bad one. I don’t always do the best job. I was reminded of what they learn by watching my marriage one morning when my two middle kids started arguing. They rarely fight. It… Read more
I still don’t know what possessed me to sneak out of my house in the middle of the night to meet my boyfriend* when I was 16 years old. I was met with a consequence, which solidified why dads are important. My dad was the original Terminator. He was a 30-year Korean and Vietnam War vet. He and my mom ran a tight ship. He believed in discipline, and he was not afraid to use it. So sneaking out in the… Read more
I functioned like a chauffeur early in my marriage. I was constantly doing stuff to drive my husband away. Are you aware of how wives drive husbands away? Do you wonder why your husband isn’t as attentive as he used to be? If he seems more interested in fondling his PS4 controller than you, you might be putting distance between the two of you without realizing it. I’ve wasted a lot of time trying to change my husband. As a result, I… Read more
One hundred percent of marriages hit hard spots. And half of them end in divorce. If your happily-ever-after is starting to crumble, and you find yourself asking “When is divorce the right answer?” ask yourself different questions instead. When I coach women who are struggling in their marriages, I often advise them to ask themselves the same hard questions I asked myself when I thought divorce was the answer. It’s easy to look at what my husband is not doing and complain…. Read more
Do women who say they never fight with their husbands make you sick? It’s tempting to wish you had a relationship like that, too. Don’t because fighting is a sure way to gauge the health of your marriage. Let me say right up front, physical or emotional abuse are not healthy ways to fight.* Yelling, bullying, insulting and saying a bunch of stuff you don’t mean won’t resolve anything. No one likes to disagree, but couples who learn to fight… Read more
How do you deal with disappointment at Christmas? What happens when the Christmas you envision and the Christmas you actually get don’t match up? It’s hard being disappointed at Christmas. There’s nothing like getting a bad gift or no gift at all. Countless questions run through your mind. Why would he think I’d like this? Has he ever seen me wear this color? The agony of an unmet expectation. Disappointment. It hurts. How do you handle it? What do you… Read more
Do you ever think, “Why does my husband irritate me so much?” Early in our marriage, I had no shortage of reasons to be irritated. If he brought home flowers and we were on a tight budget, I was annoyed. If he picked up my favorite snack and I was on a diet, I was annoyed. If he wanted to get intimate and I’d had a long day, I was annoyed. I didn’t realize I was hurting my marriage. Annoyance… Read more
After the buildings have burned and the haze has cleared, my sons will have to figure out how to move forward in a world that sees their black skin first. Through the smoke, I see a glimmer of hope that’s bigger than hate. Dear Sons, Even though you’ve heard this all before, I can’t risk leaving a stone unturned. Your lives are too precious to me. I’m writing to tell you the truth about racism after the tragic, unjustifiable death… Read more
It’s easy to recognize selfishness in someone else, but how can you tell if you’re selfish? Ask yourself: Do you think you’re usually right? Do you need to be in control? Do you feel like no matter what your husband does, he never does it good enough? If you answered ‘yes’ to any of those questions, you’re probably more selfish than you think you are. Being selfish is a threat to marriage. Selfish people like to be in control. They… Read more
