The Not So Excellent Wife - For wives who want to be excellent but aren’t there yet

7 Ways to Take Your Communication to the Next Level

December 16, 2018 By Sheila Qualls

You could talk for hours before you got married. It seemed you could talk about anything. But somewhere the lines of communication have unraveled. Now when you try to talk to him, he just walks away. Or he gets angry. Effective communication in marriage is getting harder and harder. “I’ve had it. I finally just blew up,” Kendra posted in her Facebook group. “He’s so rude. Whenever I try to talk to him, he just walks away.” Kendra’s problem is… Read more

‘You Deserve to Be Happy’ and 4 Other Lies About Marriage

December 14, 2018 By Sheila Qualls

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Making a decision to leave a marriage is serious and shouldn’t be made lightly. Sometimes there’s good reason to end a marriage, but believing ‘you deserve to be happy’ isn’t one of them. Happiness in marriage isn’t something you deserve. Staying in an unhappy marriage can affect your mental and emotional health. But you don’t have to settle for dissatisfaction and mediocrity. You can learn to see your marriage differently. You don’t deserve to be happy, but you can choose… Read more

How Your But Affects Your Sex Life

December 7, 2018 By Sheila Qualls

Your but can interfere in your marriage because it’s a major driver in body shame. Your but skews your body image and may cause you to withhold intimacy–not because you’re not attracted to your husband but because you’re more concerned with the way you look than with pleasing him. But I’ve gained weight. But I have C-Section scars. But my body doesn’t look like it used to. But I have saggy breasts. But I’ve nursed five kids. But my stretch… Read more

6 Sure-fire Ways to Absolutely Eliminate PMS in Marriage

December 7, 2018 By Sheila Qualls

Suffer from PMS? You’re cranky. You get headaches. And your husband? He doesn’t want to be anywhere near you. PMS is common, and it’s a common problem in marriage. Everyone suffers from it from time to time. Here’s the good news: There’s a cure. Perfect Marriage Syndrome. It occurs when a wife thinks her marriage should be well. . . perfect, and she places unrealistic expectations on her husband, thinking he can make it that way. He can’t, so he… Read more

How to Deal With a Mama’s-Boy

November 29, 2018 By Sheila Qualls

Whether you like it or not, you married a mama’s boy. We all did. A mama’s influence –negative or positive– hugely impacts how your husband sees himself and how he treats you. If you’ve been married for any length of time, you probably understand this. As frustrating as it can be at times, you can learn how to deal with a mama’s boy. If you’re looking at your husband and scratching your head, look to the kind of relationship he… Read more

How He Really Feels When You Say, “I’m Too Tired”

November 26, 2018 By Sheila Qualls

Your husband’s an attractive guy, but sometimes you’re just not in the mood. It might have nothing to do with him. But–you know the drill– when you’re not in the mood,. . . well, you run the risk of upsetting him. Not because he’s an insensitive jerk or you’re a bad wife, but because your desire to have (or not to have) sex with him sends him a message. And he responds to your message like a man who’s been… Read more

This Surprisingly May Cause the Most Conflict in Your Marriage

September 7, 2018 By Sheila Qualls

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Ever been in the middle of a mild disagreement with your husband when he starts acting like you’ve just said, “I’ve drained our bank accounts and plan to run off to Belize with the UPS guy”? In other words, his reaction seems excessive for the situation. That’s exactly what happened with us last week. Let me explain. I was enjoying my Krispy Kreme maple-glazed delight as we drove down the interstate debating the pros and cons of a car we… Read more

5 Things Your Man Needs More Than Sex

August 28, 2018 By Sheila Qualls

1. He needs RESPECT. Respect is like oxygen for men. It keeps him alive, in a manner of speaking. And helps him thrive. Popeye needs spinach. Your husband needs respect. It’s the thing that makes him who he is. It’s almost like a magic serum to his soul. When he feels respected, he feels like he can conquer the world. He’s full of optimism and hope. He can handle tasks he otherwise might not think he can. He’ll care for… Read more

I Was Right; He Just Didn’t Know Yet

August 14, 2018 By Sheila Qualls

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Sometimes I feel like a fake. I write about wifing and respecting your husband and stuff like that. And I believe every word I write. Down to the letter. But sometimes in the heat of the moment, I don’t always take my own advice. I can be stubborn. Like trying-to-get-an-ink-stain-off-your-favorite-shirt kind of stubborn. A few weeks ago we were having one of those discussions in which I was right, but my husband hadn’t realized it yet. The simplest way… Read more

Zip Your Lips (and 15 Other Ways to Be a Better Wife)

July 26, 2018 By Sheila Qualls

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It’s not always the big stuff–infidelity, abuse, or money issues– that brings a marriage down. Sometimes it’s the little stuff. Sometimes it’s something as tiny as a word. One of the hardest things to learn as a wife is how to speak respectfully to your husband, which includes knowing when to zip your lips (which is no easy thing for me to do). Tiny words can hurt. A steady trickle of criticism, condemnation and complaints can take a marriage down… Read more