July 9, 2019

I learned three important lessons about expectations in marriage from the Colgate Pump. Yep, I’m talking about toothpaste. Expectations in marriage are a huge source of disagreement and disappointment. Let me explain. When we married, I had a fundamental problem with my husband’s expectations about how to get toothpaste out of the tube. Thank God for the Colgate Pump I squeezed the tube in the middle (or at the end or wherever I picked it up). My husband preferred that… Read more

July 1, 2019

I recently read an article that said childbirth is a bigger factor in divorce than infidelity. You’re more likely to split up because you had a baby than because one of you cheated. According to the Relationship Research Institute in Seattle, within three years of the birth of a child, about two-thirds of couples find the quality of their relationship declines. Five years after the birth of a child, 13 percent of couples divorced. What’s up? You did all the work… Read more

July 1, 2019

You’re not the only one who feels insecure sometimes. Everyone does. Insecurity and self-doubt can affect your marriage. A lack of confidence brings on a set of problems all its own in marriage. It affects emotional intimacy and will contribute to pushing your husband away.  It may appear as if marriage brings out insecurity or self-doubt. Does he make you feel bad? I thought my husband had this uncanny ability to make me feel bad about myself. It seemed like… Read more

June 16, 2019

I was an expert at being a husband. Here’s the problem. I’m not a husband. I’m a wife. But I thought I could “train” my husband to be a good husband. I thought if I could control how he behaved, we’d be a happy couple. So I nagged, critiqued, and complained. I read books and suggested he read a few, too. And I insisted we have an ongoing dialog about the relationship. I tried to influence him by telling him… Read more

June 10, 2019

When my marriage was in the tank, I got a lot of great advice that made it worse. Sure, I read books and talked to people. But none of it helped. So how do you deal with a failing marriage? Seems like when you’re having a hard time, you’ll find there’s no shortage of people who know exactly what you should do. Everyone’s an expert on how you should fix your marriage. The result? You grow more disappointed, frustrated and… Read more

June 6, 2019

I was wrecking my marriage, and I didn’t even realize it. Five years in and I was ready to give up. I thought the problem was my husband. If he’d just “shape up,” we’d have a great marriage. He didn’t want to spend time with me, and he didn’t seem interested in meeting my needs. Here’s why. Almost everything he did was met with my disapproval. I thought he’d changed. He wasn’t the guy I’d married. In reality, I was… Read more

May 28, 2019

Being a wife and a mom is like having two full-time jobs. Who comes first? Your husband or your kids? It’s easy to tip the scales in favor of your kids. After all, your husband is a grown man. How can you balance being a wife and a mom? Giving your all to your children is admirable but draining. If you can remember how many times you kissed your 3-year-old’s boo-boo’s last month but can’t remember the last time you… Read more

May 20, 2019

My son asked me the other day when’s the last time I’d had a “real” job. He went on to clarify:  A job where, you know, you “worked.” I’m a stay-at-home mom. Staying home is a lot of work. And it can be hard on a marriage.  Taking care of a household and children zaps your energy, so you may have little left for your man. Coming out of college, if someone had offered me a position with long hours,… Read more

May 16, 2019

What do you do when a friend shares she’s is in a hard place in her marriage? How do you respond? Do you avoid, advise, instruct, criticize? I wish I could say I’ve always been compassionate and have taken time to listen. But I haven’t. Let me explain. A few years ago, I got on a plane and sat next to a woman who didn’t speak airplane. Before the plane took off, I turned my back and stared out the… Read more

May 9, 2019

Has he lost that loving feeling? Are you scratching your head wondering where it’s gone? Your inner control freak may be driving it (and him) away. Don’t think you’re a control freak? Most control freaks don’t. The problem with control is sometimes you don’t recognize it as control. You see it as being helpful or honest or just wanting things done right. But when you try to control the outcome because you’re afraid of what might happen if you don’t,… Read more

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