I was an expert at being a husband. Here’s the problem. I’m not a husband. I’m a wife. But I thought I could “train” my husband to be a good husband. I thought if I could control how he behaved, we’d be a happy couple. So I nagged, critiqued, and complained. I read books and suggested he read a few, too. And I insisted we have an ongoing dialog about the relationship. I tried to influence him by telling him... Read more
When my marriage was in the tank, I got a lot of great advice that made it worse. Sure, I read books and talked to people. But none of it helped. So how do you deal with a failing marriage? Seems like when you’re having a hard time, you’ll find there’s no shortage of people who know exactly what you should do. Everyone’s an expert on how you should fix your marriage. The result? You grow more disappointed, frustrated and... Read more
I was wrecking my marriage, and I didn’t even realize it. Five years in and I was ready to give up. I thought the problem was my husband. If he’d just “shape up,” we’d have a great marriage. He didn’t want to spend time with me, and he didn’t seem interested in meeting my needs. Here’s why. Almost everything he did was met with my disapproval. I thought he’d changed. He wasn’t the guy I’d married. In reality, I was... Read more
Being a wife and a mom is like having two full-time jobs. Who comes first? Your husband or your kids? It’s easy to tip the scales in favor of your kids. After all, your husband is a grown man. How can you balance being a wife and a mom? Giving your all to your children is admirable but draining. If you can remember how many times you kissed your 3-year-old’s boo-boo’s last month but can’t remember the last time you... Read more
My son asked me the other day when’s the last time I’d had a “real” job. He went on to clarify: A job where, you know, you “worked.” I’m a stay-at-home mom. Staying home is a lot of work. And it can be hard on a marriage. Taking care of a household and children zaps your energy, so you may have little left for your man. Coming out of college, if someone had offered me a position with long hours,... Read more
What do you do when a friend shares she’s is in a hard place in her marriage? How do you respond? Do you avoid, advise, instruct, criticize? I wish I could say I’ve always been compassionate and have taken time to listen. But I haven’t. Let me explain. A few years ago, I got on a plane and sat next to a woman who didn’t speak airplane. Before the plane took off, I turned my back and stared out the... Read more
Has he lost that loving feeling? Are you scratching your head wondering where it’s gone? Your inner control freak may be driving it (and him) away. Don’t think you’re a control freak? Most control freaks don’t. The problem with control is sometimes you don’t recognize it as control. You see it as being helpful or honest or just wanting things done right. But when you try to control the outcome because you’re afraid of what might happen if you don’t,... Read more
My mom had a harshness about her I didn’t understand as a kid. I thought she was just mean. I vowed never to be like her. As a young wife, I tolerated her. I thought I was smarter than she was and she couldn’t teach me anything. Because I knew it all. Later I realized she taught me lessons I couldn’t value from my limited, immature perspective. She taught lessons with her life. I didn’t realize I’d paid attention until... Read more
If a wife discovers her husband has been secretly viewing porn, feeling “violated and disappointed” are understatements. What if you discover your husband is viewing porn? Trust takes a huge hit. And intimacy suffers. During an episode of a popular show on NBC, one of the main characters suspects her fiancé is viewing pornography. She’s not upset. She laughs. In that 10-second scene, NBC normalizes porn in relationships. If a character on a popular TV show laughs when she thinks... Read more
When my husband and I married, I thought it was my responsibility to teach him how to do things the right way. (My way.) When he called me a control freak, I got mad. But I didn’t know how to stop being a control freak and let my husband take over. I disguised my control as “help.” As his wife, I made it my number one duty to help him. He called me bossy. I told him how to do... Read more
The Not So Excellent Wife
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In