Mantilla the Hon on Lace

OK. I notice sometimes the priests wear lace. Sometimes they don’t. Let’s be honest. Nowadays it’s a little bit, you know, suspicious. Some people say, ‘Real men don’t wear lace.’ People think the men who are wearing lace are maybe pansies. I know what that is like hon. Believe me, the fashion world is full of men like that. I don’t have any time for them. It’s always, “Darling this and darling that, and always talking about handbags and hair. It’s not nice hon. Not at all.”

I want my men to be real men you know? Look at our good Spanish men. They’re maybe a little bit stupid sometimes with all this bull fighting and having the bulls chase them through the streets and having big tomato fights and all that stuff, but boys will be boys. They like having some fun okay?

You think I’m getting off track talking about Spanish men and bullfighting? Listen hon, I’m telling you the truth. The bullfighter is a good example of a real man right? But what does he wear? He wears a funny little black hat, stockings, tight red pants and a shirt with ruffles and a little jacket with lots of embroidery and sequins. Does anyone say to him, “You there, Senor Matodor. I think you’re a pansy”? I don’t think so. If they do he gives them one of those spears he uses to kill the bull right where it counts.

The point I’m making is this: you can be a real man and wear fancy clothes. It’s okay. But you have to understand why you wear the fancy clothes. Ok, listen, I didn’t do my degree at Salamanca in Ecclesiastical Haberdashery for nothin’. A matador wears the special outfit because he is playing a special role. He’s kind of like an actor who puts on a costume, and its part of the tradition. Now he’s not Jose from next door. He’s a matador.

It’s the same with the priest. He puts on the special clothes to show that he is a special person with a special job to do. Part of these special clothes is to wear a little bit of lace. OK. I agree. You don’t have to, and don’t put on too much lace or maybe the man looks like he’s in a lingerie catalogue. But a little bit of lace is good.

Why the lace? Because in the old days lace was real expensive. It was something only rich people wore, and so to show honor to Jesus in the sacrament they started to wear lace. Its the same today. Real lace is very expensive. You can get machine made stuff, but a baby could see that this is plastic and fake. But machine made is better than nothing.

So if the priest. Then when you go to Mass maybe you’ll remember the priest is a little bit like the matador. He wears the special clothes, and fights the big black bull with horns which is maybe like the devil. You know what I mean? I just thought of this too hon:

You know that hat the matador wears? It looks like a little bit like a biretta.