Hate in the Name of Love, Bullying in the Name of Tolerance

Well, I stirred up a hornet’s nest.  You know you’ve struck a nerve when even J-Woww tweets insults at you.  But the thing that most amazes me is how few people actually addressed the points I made in my recent blog post.  They were pretty simple.  Conservative women like my mom get grief because people think they can’t make decisions without their husband, but Barack Obama gets applauded for changing his mind on a huge issue after consulting his wife and young daughters. The double standard amazes me.

Oh, and in that post I also said generally kids do better with mother/father families – the kind of family I’d like to have for Tripp one day.

That’s it.  That’s pretty much the post.  (Yes, I made a little joke about Swiper the Fox, but anyone with a brain would know that wasn’t serious.)  You see arguments like that all the time in political magazines.  It’s not a big deal, and the people who make arguments like that don’t stir up much controversy.

But I’m not a pundit.  I’m just a mom made famous in one of the most intense and embarrassing ways possible – by having your teen pregnancy announced in the middle of a presidential campaign.  Oh, and I was a finalist on Dancing with the Stars, one of the most-watched shows on TV.  But all that means I’m more a part of pop culture, the culture that creates the television we watch and the music we listen to.  When real pundits write blog posts, they don’t pop up in Us Weekly… but mine do.

And I’m glad.  Why?  Because pop culture needs a little bit of debate.  It needs a little bit of disagreement.  Because not everyone who watches their shows or listens to their music thinks the way the directors, producers, and actors think.  When you’re in Hollywood you’ll meet some great people, some terrible people, and many somewhere in between.  In other words, they’re people just like everyone else.  But what you won’t find is any disagreement about things like gay marriage or abortion.  For those folks, there’s one way to think, and anyone who disagrees is stupid, hypocritical, hateful, or bigoted.  (Of course, I’m not the only one facing the wrath of the Hollywood-type sheeple – there are some celebrities bold enough to speak out, and they get attacked and ostracized too.)

If you read the almost 3,000 comments after my controversial post, or read the entertainment magazines, you’ll see some of the most terrible words against me, my mom, and my entire family.

You’ll see hate in the name of love. People claim they’re just trying to protect the right of two people to love each other – a right I don’t contest, by the way – and then spew the worst words imaginable at someone they disagree with.  If the agenda is love, why do you hate so intensely?

You’ll see bullying in the name of tolerance. Bullying is in the news lately, for good reason.  It’s horrifying to see stories of young people taking their own lives because they can’t see past the hate of others.  Around Hollywood, there’s lots of concern and great initiatives to try to encourage more kindness in this world.  Then why do I get so many messages telling me I should die?  Here’s a sampling that we didn’t put up on the blog:


And if you read the comments we let through, the only word that really sums them up is “bullying.”  They treat me as if I’m not human, as if they are somehow proving how great they are by (always anonymously, the cowards) tearing me apart with their words.

Here’s the thing.  In the articles and comments, I saw a lot of hate and a lot of bullying, but you know what I didn’t see much of?  Arguments.  In fact, this reminds me a little bit of the incident in an L.A. bar that went viral several months ago and will be shown in its entirety in my upcoming new reality tv show.  There, a guy started yelling at me and called my mom terrible names, but couldn’t tell me one decent reason why he was filled with so much hate.

Here’s a news flash, guys.  Your hate and bullying don’t work.  People see through it, and they don’t like to be pushed around.  You think it’s completely obvious that you’re right, but this younger generation is more pro-life than their parents, and voters just keep defending traditional marriage.  Why?  Why would we if you’ve been telling us what to think for all these years?

Because we think for ourselves.  And we’ll keep thinking for ourselves no matter what you call us.  So keep sending the hate, but realize that hate doesn’t win arguments.
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  • http://servantofcharity.blogspot.com Servant of Charity

    As long as many supporters of gay marriage feel the need to resort to violent attacks and name calling rather than a rational exchange, we’re not going to get anywhere of value. If you have a valid argument, make it like a civilized human being. Though I understand the sentiments of those who seek to legalize gay marriage, the insistence of so many of them that those of us who defend traditional marriage are nothing more than hateful bigots is dishonest and unworthy of public discourse.


    • http://watchoutladies.com Sweta Patel

      Bristol I couldn’t agree more! Keep up the great work, I got persecuted too for speaking out against gay marriage but I will keep on speaking out. I am not a people pleaser, I am a God pleaser!

  • LMA

    Bristol and her mom often criticize (incoherently at times) the President and the first lady. I hear their words. I even hear what the Palin haters shout back. But what resonates with me — and with MILLIONS of others — is how the Obamas do not respond to the Palin attack machine. And THAT is truly courageous. Obama 2012.

  • Lee

    The people who are insulting you are not upset with your celebrity status as they are with your failure to admit that your beliefs are not reflective of the choices you yourself made as a single unwed teenage mother with no correlation to what you consider to be a traditional family. If the idea was that you wanted people to learn from your mistakes, then just say so. By devoting this whole entry to a few death threats, you give people the wrong impression that either you’re trying to stir the argument away from having to address the hypocrisy or that you are completely missing the point.

  • A

    While I don’t condone the body-shaming or bullying you’ve received because of your post, I still believe you were completely wrong in making it. You said that it was a double-standard that Obama is praised for listening to his kids, while your mother is criticized for listening to her husband. The problem is, Obama never said that he was directly “taking orders” from his daughters, so there is no need to ‘Hail to the Chiefs.’ Here is what Obama said:

    “There have been times where Michelle and I have been sitting around the dinner table and we’re talking about their friends and their parents and Malia and Sasha, it wouldn’t dawn on them that somehow their friends’ parents would be treated differently. It doesn’t make sense to them and, frankly, that’s the kind of thing that prompts a change in perspective.”

    He does not say that they told him what to do, he talks about drawing inspiration from his daughters, about experiencing a change in perspective. To be honest, I don’t remember any controversy with your mother taking orders from your father, but I do remember there being much criticism against Michelle Bachmann, because she said that she went into tax law because it was her duty to be submissive to her husband. That is the key difference between the criticisms. Obama never said that he was being submissive to his daughters. I do not expect, nor should anyone else expect, Obama or any other politician to make decisions completely within their own selves. Every politicians draws inspiration for their policies and decisions from their families, communities, and the entire world. When we vote for somebody, we are voting for who we think is drawing from the right inspirations.

    As far as attacks on the hypocrisy of your statement on children who do better in mother-father homes, while you yourself are a single mom, I don’t think it’s fair for people to attack you based on your single motherhood. I do think it’s unfair to every single child who has grown up in a “non-traditional” family for you to say that children do better with a mother and a father. There are so many kids that have grown up raised by 1 woman, 2 women, 1 man, 2 men, grandparents, aunts, uncles, whatever it may be that are so successful. Zach Wahls, an Iowa college student, gave a speech a few years ago about how being the son of 2 women has had no effect on his upbringing. If you watch the video of Zach’s speech, you can see he is a very successful, very well-spoken young man who is doing just fine. I would’ve hoped that, while you may prefer and hope to have a family that includes a father for your son one day, you wouldn’t have made an argument against “non-traditional” families, when you yourself do not live in a traditional family.

    What always confuses me is why people are so threatened by gay marriage. Who does it hurt? I don’t understand any of the arguments against it. If someone thinks that gay marriage damages the “sanctity of marriage,” then why aren’t those people also arguing against divorce? I cannot imagine anything that ACTUALLY damages the “sanctity” of marriage, more than something that ends marriage itself. For that matter, why don’t we also go after elopements? Or start intervening when there is a couple getting married that doesn’t seem to be compatible? Republicans argue so much against big government involvement, but then, what are they doing when they want to ban gay marriage? They are getting directly involved in the personal lives of Americans, who are just wanting to participate in society like everybody else.

    Now we have this follow up post, where you do nothing to acknowledge any actual arguments against your original post. While it is awful that there were so many hateful messages, they were absolutely not the only type of feedback you received, but your refusal to acknowledge any of the arguments made only goes to show that you may not even have a leg to stand on with this issue. Otherwise, why not counter the intelligent, and well-thought out arguments with any of your own, rather than playing the victim?

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  • Shannon

    Everyone makes mistakes, unfortunately yours were very public. I applaud you for standing up for what you believe in. I get so sick of Hollywood thinking we as conservatives hate and have no will to think for ourselves. It disgusts me. I am a stay at home mom to 3 kids and yes, my TV is on Disney channel most of the time, but I also read and do research and keep up with the news. And as you know being a mom is the hardest job there is. We all want better for our kids. We strive for that, and fall short. Not because of a lack of love for our kids, but because that is life. Stay strong and keep speaking for your generation.

  • http://www.tfpstudentaction.org John Ritchie

    The outrageous reaction this post generated from the “tolerant” ones is mind-boggling. In fact, it reminds me of a video put together by Tradition Family Property Student Action. Their members and volunteers were assaulted physically many times for simply stating that marriage = the union of 1 man + 1 woman. How radical is that? But the pro-homosexual crowd just can’t practice what they preach, apparently. Watch this footage and you’ll see just how bad it’s getting out there.


    God bless!

  • http://www.julimize.com Juli

    Fantastic post. Brilliant!