Church Sign Epic Fails, “Crush China for Jesus” Edition

When Chinese kids won’t eat their Cheerios, do their parents tell them there are starving kids in America to convince them to finish?

The good news is, we didn’t take their advice; instead, we sold ourselves to China! ***Footnote – I have since been educated on the context of this sign, which makes it understandable. The sign actually suggested that crushing China was a bad thing. Why does history have to go and ruin my fun??? Stupid history!!!
Do you think they put this sign up on the off chance that Jesus would actually be driving by that week? Or do they know something about my super powers that I don’t?


If you’re Jewish, it turns out you get partial credit. God will just give you the most wicked noogie ever, and then let you in anyway.
Good thing we now know the one and only place where God is speaking. Otherwise, it might get confusing!
Absolutely, without question, the ideal place to engage the public in such a debate is on a church sign. Yes!
My uncle Irv was always a little bit “off.” Maybe the problem was that he was a copy, of a copy, of a copy. You know how well that works.
Who knew the gates of hell not only were in a church, but that they also had such crappy hours? No wonder nobody wants to go there!
Either this is an incredibly clever appeal for greater environmental stewardship to help stave off global warming or just another cheap scare tactic to drive up attendance on Sundays…yeah, I vote #2 too.

Church Sign Epic Fails: “Satan’s Graffiti” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Beer in Hell” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Soul Harvest” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, Advent Onslaught Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Big Ass” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Force-Fed Faith” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, Hangover Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Chocolate Chip Christ” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, Vol. (x = 40-3)

Church Sign Epic Fails, Vol. 36


“Satan’s Graffiti” VIDEO edition of Church Sign Epic Fails

“Beer in Hell” VIDEO Edition of Church Sign Epic Fails

“Advent Onslaught” VIDEO Edition of Church Sign Epic Fails

“Faith vs. Reason Throwdown” VIDEO Edition of Church Sign Epic Fails

“Chocolate Chip Christ” VIDEO Edition of Church Sign Epic Fails

Church Sign Epic Fails VIDEO Debut

POPULAR AT PATHEOS Progressive Christian
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Worthless Beast

    I think the response to “Will Anyone Be In Heaven Because of You?” is “Darn tootin!” *Pumps shotgun.*
    That’s just if you want to put a dark spin on it…

  • Noah Brand

    To be fair, that first sign was almost certainly trying to convey that crushing China was a bad thing, and one ought not support Japanese exports, so as to avoid supporting their aggressively militaristic government and its invasion of China. Kind of a “When you ride alone you ride with Hitler”-type thing. That was a pretty widespread point of view in the U.S. at the time; a great many folks, both religious and otherwise, found Japan’s actions entirely deplorable. Then after Pearl Harbor they got to say “I was against Japanese militarism before it was trendy.” I’m not aware of any notable pro-Japan anti-China sentiment in the U.S. in the 30s, though I could be mistaken.

    • Christian Piatt

      thanks man, duly noted and clarified. But that takes all the fun out of it!

  • Joel Rieves

    The “crush China” sign, when looked at in the proper historical context, is actually a cry for justice. In the 30’s Japan had invaded China and was carrying out a brutal occupation and there were boycotts on Japanese goods and economic sanctions against Japan. So, in reality, there was a good bit of the love of Jesus oozing from the sign.

    • Christian Piatt

      there you guys go, ruining my fun with facts and historical context! :-)