Church Sign Epic Fails, “Show Me the Money” Edition

I got a visit from my pastor recently asking me to give more. Then it occurred to me; my wife is my pastor! And what the heck is she doing with that new Lexus? Gah!

They do things a little differently at this church. Their deacons stand on a street corner with the offering plates and a piece of cardboard.

Not sure if this is a prosperity gospel deal or a fundraising ploy, but either way, always a stellar idea to borrow phrases for church from a movie about a greedy, selfish sports agent.

This, coming from the Catholics, whose leadership take a vow of poverty, only then to have cars, homes and shiny red shoes provided for them? Now THAT’S the kind of poverty I could live with!

Ahh, the board of shame. Along with this, non-tithers get their tires slashed, half-portions at all potlucks and the elders spit in their tiny communion cups. Ewww.

Just stick your tithing envelope under the chicken and step away…

I started putting Groupons in the offering plate because I figure if anyone can use a facial, a night out and a Brazilian wax, it’s God. You’re welcome, God.

I decided to stat giving my money directly to God instead of letting the church process it for me, but every time I throw it up toward heaven, it comes right back down to me. Prosperity Gospel works after all!

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Apocalypse Now” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Mormons Rock” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Family Values” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Pass the Ammo” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “We Serve Minors” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “God Likes Weed” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Crush China for Jesus” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails: “Satan’s Graffiti” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Beer in Hell” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Soul Harvest” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, Advent Onslaught Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Big Ass” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Force-Fed Faith” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, Hangover Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Chocolate Chip Christ” Edition


VIDEO Church Sign Epic Fails, “God Likes Weed” Edition

VIDEO Church Sign Epic Fails, “Big Ass” Edition

“Satan’s Graffiti” VIDEO edition of Church Sign Epic Fails

“Beer in Hell” VIDEO Edition of Church Sign Epic Fails

“Advent Onslaught” VIDEO Edition of Church Sign Epic Fails

“Faith vs. Reason Throwdown” VIDEO Edition of Church Sign Epic Fails

“Chocolate Chip Christ” VIDEO Edition of Church Sign Epic Fails

Church Sign Epic Fails VIDEO Debut

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About Christian Piatt

Christian Piatt is the creator and editor of BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE BIBLE and BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT JESUS. He has a memoir on faith, family and parenting called PREGMANCY: A Dad, a Little Dude and a Due Date, and Hachette published his first hardcover book, "postChristian: What's left? Can we fix it? Do we care?" in 2014. His first novel, "Blood Doctrine," has been optioned by a Hollywood production company for a possible TV series.

Christian is the cofounder and cohost of the Homebrewed CultureCast, a podcast about popular culture, current events and spirituality that has a weekly audience of 25,000 people (

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  • AshleyQuinn

    I especially enjoyed your commentary on the last two signs.

  • prophetsandpopstars

    Recently, my wife and I went to a fundraiser for a Christian ministry. The fundraiser dude challenged his base to give more by telling us, “Don’t tip God. Dig deep, don’t think God will bless you just by leaving him a tip.” We didn’t leave a check, but the logic is silly. Wouldn’t a good 15% tip get him closer to the total faster? Great signs.

  • BringTheNoise

    Apparently that whole “You have turned my Father’s house into a den of thieves!”-thing never appeared in any of the bibles at these churches…

  • Anne Geyer

    Nitpick: The Leadership of the Catholic Church do not, generally, take a Vow of Poverty, so while red designer shoes might be a bad idea (in more ways than one), they’re not breaking any vows. The only ones who take that vow are the members of religious orders like Franciscan monks or the Sisters of Charity. A Vow of Poverty means that they give up the right to own things individually; everything belongs to the order. If they have access to something like a car, it’s more than likely one that’s shared with 12 other people. Ordinary priests manage their own possessions and finances like anyone else, but nuns and monks generally live lives of extreme thriftiness, not enjoying their own homes or fancy clothes.

    Despite a being Catholic, I’ve got no great love for The Management, but I feel I should stick up for the grunts. Associating the Vow of Poverty with the red beanie-wearing big shots devalues that vow, and does a disservice to the real heroes who take on that burden.