Todd Unctuous on the Papal Resignation

Guest blogger Todd Unctuous is top commentator for MSM. With a degree in Media Studies from Scranton Community College, Todd writes for many papers and websites, and is known for his incisive writing, objective reporting and razor sharp comment.

A dear friend of mine who is a devout Catholic has written a fine piece for USA Today on the daunting task the new Pope of Rome will be facing when he is elected next month. He notices that the Renaissance court of the Vatican will have to come up to date with the new Pope.

Rumors are swirling around the centuries old city state–a walled enclave that is like the Kremlin of old. Like the Kremlin, the holy huddle of old men with absolute power are worried about the threatening world outside. Rumors of a conspiracy are swirling around this tiny sect-like group. Was Pope Benedict ousted by a group of power hungry conservatives who regard his papacy as too liberal, or were the plotters a group of renegade nuns who arrived in Rome on a bus? Was he pushed out because he loves the ancient Latin ritural or because he was simply too old? Rumors are swirling around this ancient, notoriously closed walled city–the place where only thirty years ago rumors swirled about the sudden death of “the smiling Pope” John Paul I who was found hanged under Blackfriars Bridge in London after  threatening to expose the Mafia connections with the Vatican bank. There are simply too many co incidences for them to be co incidences. Only a few months ago this tiny walled city was blown wide open as the secrets of the Pope’s butler were revealed to the press.

I am not myself a religious man, but am I the only one who thinks it slightly ostentatious for the Pope to have a butler at all? The man lives in a palace and is guarded by soldiers in Renaissance costumes. He surrounds himself with the trappings of power, wealth and priviledge. This is not something you see other religious leaders doing. Good solid men like my friend Joel Osteen and Paul Crouch lead simple lives with a fair amount of remuneration. Yet the Pope of Rome wears velvet capes and red slippers from Pravda.

With the resignation we see the last of what are being called “the Nazi Popes”. It is now well known that Pope Pius XII, (who’s Vatican was controlled by sinister Sister Pasqualina) was a Nazi sympathizer who never allowed women to have a powerful role in the church. Hitler’s Pope had the power to close down the Nazi death camps, but did nothing claiming that he was a “prisoner of the Vatican”. Jolly Pope John followed him. Everyone loved the fat friar from Venice because he opened the windows and called the Second Vatican Council which allowed birth control, women priests and same sex marriage. He was followed by Pope Paul VI, a brave Italian who continued the Second Vatican Council, which was then taken over by  the Nazi-sympathising extremists. They are the ones who cancelled the renewal and reform and closed the windows which Jolly Pope John had opened.  They are the ones who assassinated the smiling Pope and brought in the Pope from Poland who was brought up in that country under the Nazi regime. He was followed by the present Pope who many pundits have observed looks like the Emperor Palpantino from the Star Wars saga. He was a member of the Nazi youth and is very fond of wearing red Pravda slippers and velvet capes.

Now that a new Pope is about to be elected the time has come again for the People of God to bring about change in the centuries old Renaissance court. As Vatican Doozy calls for, the Catholic Church is rightly called the Peoples’ Republic of God. Time has come for the people to take charge of their church. Whether it is a housewife in Ghana or a female executive in New York, whether it is a hard working nun who drives a bus or a social worker in a dog collar, the time has come for them to claim the church for the people. St Francis wore a simple brown robe and expressed his poverty. The clergy of the Roman church should do the same.

Poverty is a very noble thing for religious people and it is time for the Catholics in the developing world to understand that it is God’s will for them to be poor for as Martin Luther King III said, “Blessed are the poor.”

I am not myself a religious man, but I do respect people who take their religion seriously like the pop singer Bono and his wife Cher. Also the first Lady of the United States, Michelle Obama who has been known to go to church from time to time. Not to mention the film stars Brad and Angelina Pitt-Stopp who do much good work doing photo shoots with poor children.

As my friend who has written for USA Today and many other fine papers has said, “The new pope has his job cut out for him.” It will be a difficult thing to be the Pope. He will have many difficult decisions to make and will find the job very difficult…(have I reached 12oo words yet?)

However, as the good book says, “Every cloud has a silver lining” and I believe it was St Paul himself, who the new Pope will be the heir to, who wrote so poignantly, “All you need is love.”

Todd Unctuous is forty-two.

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