Church Sign Epic Fails, “Show Me The Money” Edition

I got a visit from my pastor recently asking me to give more. Then it occurred to me; my wife is my pastor! And what the heck is she doing with that new Lexus? Gah!

pan handle — They do things a little differently at this church. Their deacons stand on a street corner with the offering plates and a piece of cardboard.

show me the money — Not sure if this is a prosperity gospel deal or a fundraising ploy, but either way, always a stellar idea to borrow phrases for church from a movie about a greedy, selfish sports agent.

poor by giving — This, coming from the Catholics, whose leadership take a vow of poverty, only then to have cars, homes and shiny red shoes provided for them? Now THAT’S the kind of poverty I could live with!

non tithers — Ahh, the board of shame. Along with this, non-tithers get their tires slashed, half-portions at all potlucks and the elders spit in their tiny communion cups. Ewww.

tithe barn — Just stick your tithing envelope under the chicken and step away…

net income — I started putting Groupons in the offering plate because I figure if anyone can use a facial, a night out and a Brazilian wax, it’s God. You’re welcome, God.

tithe if u love jesus — I decided to stat giving my money directly to God instead of letting the church process it for me, but every time I throw it up toward heaven, it comes right back down to me. Prosperity Gospel works after all!

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Apocalypse Now” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Mormons Rock” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Family Values” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Pass the Ammo” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “We Serve Minors” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “God Likes Weed” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Crush China for Jesus” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails: “Satan’s Graffiti” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Beer in Hell” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Soul Harvest” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, Advent Onslaught Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Big Ass” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Force-Fed Faith” Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, Hangover Edition

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Chocolate Chip Christ” Edition

CHECK OUT THE VIDEO EDITIONS OF CHURCH SIGN EPIC FAILS:

VIDEO Church Sign Epic Fails, “God Likes Weed” Edition

VIDEO Church Sign Epic Fails, “Big Ass” Edition

“Satan’s Graffiti” VIDEO edition of Church Sign Epic Fails

“Beer in Hell” VIDEO Edition of Church Sign Epic Fails

“Advent Onslaught” VIDEO Edition of Church Sign Epic Fails

“Faith vs. Reason Throwdown” VIDEO Edition of Church Sign Epic Fails

“Chocolate Chip Christ” VIDEO Edition of Church Sign Epic Fails

Church Sign Epic Fails VIDEO Debut

Church Sign Epic Fails, “Show Me the Money” Edition

CHECK OUT THE VIDEO EDITIONS OF CHURCH SIGN EPIC FAILS: