George W. Bush Travels To Afghanistan

Kabul, Afghanistan – Former President George W. Bush’s private jet landed early this morning at Kabul International Airport. As 5,000 US Troops escort Americans out of the city as the Taliban enter it, The 43rd President of the United States of America is there to receive an award — from the Taliban.

Abdul Ghani Baradar is the military and spiritual leader of the Taliban. He is honored to be giving Bush the Younger the George W Bush Award for Religious Freedom. “If it wasn’t for W we wouldn’t be here today,” Baradar said as he led units into the city center. “We owe him everything.”

Such sentiments may sound strange coming from the Taliban. However, there is a consensus among military leaders in the West that Bush is responsible for the Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan’s resurgence.

The Guardian reports:

In the early years, when the Taliban were on the run, the Pentagon, under the defence secretary Donald Rumsfeld, was loth to fund a substantial Afghan force, particularly after the Iraq invasion drew away resources and attention

Later, when the Taliban had regrouped and struck back, the coalition raced to build the Afghan national security forces (ANSF) comprising army, police and militias on a huge scale, totalling over 350,000 at their peak, cutting corners on training and funding.

Out in the provinces, newly minted police were left to fend for themselves, and many used their authority and guns to squeeze income out of the population. Army officers drew salaries for tens of thousands “ghost soldiers”, whose names were on the books, but who never materialised.

“I’m proud to receive the Taliban’s highest award,” former President Bush said. “Religious freedom has always mattered to me.”

Professor Andrew Canard teaches at Miskatonic University. He specializes in global affairs and psychology. He believes former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld would’ve gotten the award if he were still alive. “It’s a pity. Rumsfeld did so much for these Islamic radicals,” he said.

In related news, Fox News personality Tucker Carlson was kicked off a plane.

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