I hear some of you Independent Baptists saying “The man is the head of the home and the woman is supposed to obey.” How long have you been preaching that? How is it working out for you? Yeah, God told her to submit to you, but he never told you to dominate her or disregard her, nor does her obeying you make your decision right. If you want more than a relationship based on law, it’s time to act as if it is your responsibility to earn the right to lead. Remember I am talking to men and would never say these things in the presence of a woman. We should never let on that we could be wrong and ought to listen more and demand less. We do have our pride. Let her read “Created to Be a Help Meet” and she will obey even when she knows you are wrong and your decisions hurt the family. Thank God for godly women.
This section is seriously starting to hurt my head. Michael just said a paragraph up that man is the head. Yet it’s wrong when the Independent Baptists preach it? And call me crazy, but I don’t really see Michael NOT dominating and disregarding. I do agree with the point act like you have to earn the right to lead. Though it shouldn’t be an act. (I’m not even going to start lecturing on how men and women should lead together as equals). Why are women supposed to OBEY? Horses obey. Mechanical objects obey. Women should have a say and get to chose their behaviour. “We should never let on that we could be wrong and ought to listen more and demand less.” Sounds like he knows what a good husband should do, but to never let on to the wife that this should work is almost criminal. And his answer to just give her Debi’s book, and she’ll obey no matter what; good for you for having a Godly woman? Makes me want to pound my head against a wall.
The answer is for you and your wife to grow into maturity together. If the family is dysfunctional it is time to take her hand and start confiding in one another. If you plan on driving the old truck on vacation next year, you had better start working on it now. Likewise, knowing you are going to need to be challenged and kept on the straight and narrow, start working on that woman so she becomes an able early warning system.
Wow. If the family is dysfunctional, it’s clearly the wife’s fault. It can’t be the fault of the man who refuses to show emotion, admit when he’s wrong, humbly accept responsibility for his mistakes, or demands obedience in whatever he says. Nope. Definitely the wife’s fault. Speaking of wives, why are Michael’s analogies about women all comparing her to inanimate objects without will or voice? “Start working on that woman so she becomes an able early warning system.” Women are not trucks or fire alarms. They are people with needs and a voice. His blatant disrespect for women is starting to really bum me out. Not once in this book, so far, has he said “treat her well ,respect her, show her you love her.” It’s always “Do this so she’ll become better for you.” This is not healthy, and I feel sorry for the poor women that are constantly dehumanised this way!
If I were writing this book, it would be much shorter. “Women are people. Treat them as such, love them, treat them with respect, listen to their points of view, let them help you, and don’t expect obedience. Talk to them as equals, acknowledge when they make good points, and give credit when she’s right. Do nice things because you love her, not because you want her to serve you better. In conclusion, tell your wife you love her and that her happiness is important to you. Then act on that. Watch your marriage change.”
But I suppose that counts as heresy in the conservative Christian world.