Divorce is Worse Than Losing Your Home to Fire?

Divorce is Worse Than Losing Your Home to Fire? December 11, 2017

Lori Alexanders Brain

Wildfires in California aren’t the only thing that makes no sense and runs wild.  So does Lori Alexander.

During my review of Lori’s book ‘The Power of the Transformed Wife” one of the things that just drove me into despair was how irrational the book flowed from topic to topic within a chapter. A pile of non-sequitur leaping about like hyperactive squirrels toting tiny Bibles.

When someone writes like that it makes it hard to keep the general thread or main idea of the chapter.

This weekend Lori Alexander posted what had to be one of the worst ideas she’s ever pursued. She started by using photographs of her sister’s partially-burned home in Southern California to illustrate a point.

What was the point?

That a fire isn’t a tragedy, but a divorce is the real tragedy.

What? Say what?

All week I’d been wondering how close to the fire was Ken and Lori’s home, along with the homes of so many friends of mine in California. Been worried for those closest to the fire danger.  Some of my friends are freaking out in the worst way over the possibility of losing everything they own. Their fear is normal and understandable. The photos coming out in the news media are horrific.

In this week I’ve also been curious to see if Lori would leave her little enclosed bubble of self-focus and be affected by the natural disaster. She lives right smack dab in one of the areas ravaged by the fires that were being spread by the Santa Ana winds. Nope, she just is using it to claim divorce is worse than losing your home to a fire.


Her sister’s loss has nothing to do with divorce or the meme she shared immediately after the photos of her sister’s home. The meme she shared from Facebook says:

“Divorce isn’t such a tragedy. A tragedy’s staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong thing about love. No one ever died of divorce.” by Jennifer Weiner.

This is the meme that started Lori on her illogical leaps defining what is and isn’t tragedy. While Lori says her sister has a good attitude about, and even laughed a little on Saturday morning, you cannot tell me that this is a lesser hard thing than divorce. Women, especially in Lori’s circle of Evangelicalism, are usually pretty emotionally connected to their homes. Something like a fire, no matter how unmaterialistic you are, hurts. No, it’s not the same as divorce.

I can just imagine how much harder it would be to lose your home if you’re living in the world of Lori and pals where you are ordered to love your home, keep it an immaculate place of peace and love. You cannot be that focused on it and not take the loss of it, even the temporary loss while it’s being rebuilt, as anything else than a severe blow.

Here’s the rest of Lori’s divorce ponderings. One thing is obvious, Lori expects people to have bad marriages and to suffer through with no outs other than submission. That has to be the most miserable way to live.

Just because some suffer does not mean everyone else is doomed to suffer.

Lori7That’s so sad, the saddest statement on marriage I’ve seen in ages.

moreRead more about Lori’s warped ideas about marriage:

Women Cannot Do Important Things

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • lady_black

    One truth life has taught me is that marriage can be a real blessing, and so can divorce. I can see not throwing in the towel over the slightest thing. However, where there is abuse, addiction issues, serious personality disorders or chronic philandering, there is nothing of value to save. Therefore, SAVE YOURSELF and any children involved. These aren’t the things you want them to learn about marriage.

  • Ruthitchka

    Yep, I am definitely happier and SAFER now that I left and am filing for divorce. I stayed with a violent man for 36 years. No amount of being nice or “submitting” helped the situation. He had a one-night stand and blamed it on me for not being into sex as much as he was. When the verbal violence became physical, I had to leave to save my own life. I am pretty certain that God understands. I think He was trying to tell me to get out about four years before I actually did!

  • SAO

    Divorce is a choice. A wildfire is not.

  • Almost a chimp

    I’m somewhat fascinated by Lori’s sister being married for 30 years to the husband of her youth. Sounds suspiciously like bigamy on the husband’s part, and if the youth is their own child, well there’s incest thrown into the mix.

    Yes, I know that’s not what Lori meant but her phrasing is awful.

  • Raging Bee

    That’s probably because she’s not really thinking about what she writes or says; she’s just repeating rules, deepities and excuses on reflex without bothering to understand what’s being said, or what’s really going on literally right next door.

  • Nightshade

    I’ve done both-gotten a divorce, and had my house burn down. The house burning down was unpleasant (no injuries, no deaths), but turned out to be the kick in the ass I needed to change my life, so now I think of it as a mixture of good and bad. The divorce? Nothing mixed there, it was pure improvement all the way.

  • The Student

    I’m pretty sure children are much happier when their parents are happy and they aren’t witnessing abuse, yelling, fighting, and misery as an every day occurrence. I know one of my childhood friends was very happy to split the month between her parents because she had much more fun at each house than she did when her parents lived together and hated eachother.

  • katiehippie

    She is so vile.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    I’ve been divorced and it was a huge improvement immediately. My life only went up and up from there.
    Never had a fire, but I lived through a few hurricanes that completely destroyed everything we owned and it wasn’t something I was able to immediately chuckle over. It was infinitely more heartbreaking that the divorce.

  • Annerdr

    I got a divorce and remarried to a better person and now both of us and our children are happier.

    Because when a house burns down, you can rebuild it better.

  • Annerdr

    Not always. My ex had a choice on whether to cheat on me or not, but once I found out, he had no choice in whether we divorced or not.

  • Annerdr

    My ex told me that we divorced because I wasn’t forgiving enough. Apparently the 8 years of cheating on me with multiple women had nothing to do with it.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Are our exs related?

  • Annerdr

    It’s an unfortunately common story.

  • Annerdr

    My son, at age 18, told me he was happy I had divorced his father. He said the only reason they could have any sort of relationship was because they didn’t live together.

  • Annerdr

    It’s amazing how much we fear change and how great change can be.

  • Nightshade

    I kind of wonder if the sister just told Lori what she wanted to hear, not necessarily her real feelings, because she didn’t want to deal with the holier-than-thou judgment Aunt Lori dishes out to anyone who disagrees with her.

  • Iain Lovejoy

    I can’t believe I’m saying it, but I’m sort of with Lori on this one: I know I’d rather lose my house than my wife.
    Divorce is a tragedy, but not in the way Lori seems to think: if someone is forced to divorce an abusive spouse, the tragedy is that the spouse became abusive and the relationship became unsalvageable, not that they didn’t then hang around to be abused in a sham of a marriage because apparently that’s what God wants.
    If Lori is telling the truth about her and her parents’ relationships, again I’m with her on this one: if, in the end, they could work out the difficulties between them, then good on them for sticking with it and making a go of it, and if they are now happy and in love again, that’s good news.
    (Lori’s ideas of what constitutes a happy marriage, or even a marriage in any meaningful sense do not however fill me with optimism.)

  • Anna

    I suppose it depends on the divorce and the house fire. Some divorces are absolutely devastating. But so are some fires.

  • SAO

    But he might have known cheating was playing with fire.

  • Joy

    My son hasn’t said it in so many words, but he doesn’t want his father and I anywhere near each other. When my ex got a new vehicle (one that’s very common where we live) and my son was telling me about it, he “just happened” to included the license plate number in his description of it.

  • AFo

    This reminds me of something Nancy Campbell posted awhile ago about how when her daughter fell and got hurt, she didn’t complain because Christians in other parts of the world are persecuted. Same kind of leaps in logic, same message of “No complaining because your injury/losing your house is not real suffering.” For God’s sake, let people be sad/angry/frustrated/upset if they need to be. Not everyone can deal with hardship with a smile.

  • Annerdr

    No. He still blamed me for divorce. He didn’t want to divorce. Of course, it didn’t occur to him to stop seeing his girlfriend while he was trying to woo me back.

  • Saraquill

    It depends on the people divorcing. Some take out their unhappiness at their ex on the kids.

  • Nea

    I also wonder how edited the reply is. I wouldn’t be surprised in the least that the sister was mourning things that were irreplaceable – childhood photos, for example – while blowing off things that Lori was worried about as “just stuff.” Lori strikes me as being the kind of person who would flip her lid if she lost her bible or clothing while blowing off the kids losing their beloved toys.

  • Nea

    Nancy raised a daughter who blamed herself for not making living in a freezing condemned structure was a “fun game” to the kids. Not only did Nancy not say “it’s okay to be worried about, y’know, someone getting very ill” she also apparently did not offer the slightest aid to daughter or grandchildren.

  • Anonyme

    If I ever use a tragedy to tout my beliefs, I’d want someone to tell me I’m being and insensitive idiot.
    Also, divorce IS better when the marriage is continually unhappy and toxic. I was never prouder of my mom than when she finally divorced my emotionally/verbally abusive, manipulative father. She realized our happiness and safety (I live with her because I have medical and special needs issues) was more important than a marriage contract. All the praying and submitting never worked but luckily she realized it and we got out). My mom and I are both happier and closer to God.

  • Nightshade

    That wouldn’t surprise me at all. Lori seems to be good at hearing what she wants to hear, regardless of what is actually being said.

  • Debbie Holt

    I wholeheartedly agree! I did not want a divorce, yet My ex-husband continued to cheat on me. He also drank heavily, and was charged with three DWI offences in three months. However, he refused to admit he had a problem. I was willing to go through counseling with him, and was willing to help him with other issues. I prayed, asking God to show me exactly what I needed to do regarding my marriage. One evening, I wasn’t feeling well, so I came home from work early, only to find him in our bed with another woman. At that point, I knew that there was absolutely nothing I could do to save my marriage. No amount of submission, meekness, or quietness was going to help. I immediately left the house, and stayed in a motel room that night. The very next day, my parents and brother helped me to move out while my husband was at work. A few days later, I filed for divorce. Yes, it was painful, and at times, the pain was unrelenting! But God helped me through it! Fast forward to today; I’m doing well, and for the first time in many years, I am extremely content with myself and my life. Yes, divorce is a tragedy, however, it is not the worst thing that can happen to someone.

  • lady_black

    I’m glad things worked out for you. I’m a non-believer, myself, but whatever worked for you is fine.
    It seems we both came to similar conclusions. I never caught my ex cheating on me, but the final straw was when I wasn’t feeling well myself, and not in the mood for sex. He gave me a drink with something in it that rendered me unconscious, and raped me.
    I couldn’t get past that betrayal. I felt physically ill thinking about that. I left to spend a week with my sister in another town. When I got home, I swallowed my pride and called and asked my father to please send me some money to move back to my home state and started packing. I took our son and two of the cats and my belongings packed in the car and drove 1000 miles back to my family. It was hard, but I never looked back.

  • Dr Sarah

    Interesting exercise: Try typing “I’m happy my parents stayed together for the sake of the children” into Google and see how very, very few of the hits you get are from people who are happy their parents stayed together for the sake of the children. Even skewing your search term that way, almost all the hits you get will be from people who are not happy that their parents stayed in an unhappy marriage and really wish they’d divorced, or from people who are very happy that their parents didn’t stay in their horrible marriage but got a divorce instead.

    Yeah, divorce isn’t sunshine and roses, and I do think that if parents can patch things up to the extent of at least having a mutually respectful and functional partnership then that’s probably better for the children than divorce. But sometimes that isn’t possible, and it’s a terrible, terrible idea to treat ‘stay married’ as this one-size-fits-all rule.

  • The Student

    That is a very interesting and informative way of collecting some information on this.
    It makes sense that kids are much happier when their parents aren’t miserable and angry and it’s unfortunate that there’s so much stigma around having a “broken” family that people often forget that when the parents hate eachother the family is still broken.