Divorce Leaves You Bitter and Friendless?

Divorce Leaves You Bitter and Friendless? January 28, 2018

QuestioningthePearls

This isn’t your usual No Greater Joy Michael or Debi Pearl question answered. This is one of those possibly fake articles written and tailored to push whatever point the Pearls are trying to advance. This one is a doozy, about a twice divorced lady claiming that she turned so bitter and unpleasant no one would be around her, family and friends stopping having any interactions with her. The article is called ‘Better Late Than Never’

After a divorce I think it’s pretty normal to have some negative emotions, not all demonic and evil, unlike in Pearl world. Those that love you are going to allow you to experience your emotions at least for a little while instead of disappearing in huff. Those are not your friends.

But if you look closely you will see this piece is labeled as authored by ‘Debi Pearl and Friends’ which means the entire thing is a flipping lie written to push Debi’s no divorce agenda and no negative emotions ever allowed. If I hadn’t have finally read the fine print about the author I would have been as clueless as anyone else that stumbles over the Pearl’s fake letters.

Debi5

Let’s unpack Debi’s worst nightmare – being without a husband.  So far she’s blamed the wife for not being submissive enough, and tried to shame this fictional woman for having negative feelings, for being angry at being abandoned and wanting to financially punish him. All of those sound like possibly normal reactions that the wife is having, not indicators of sin or bitterness.

Debi6

Another falsehood. Most of the time when marriages break up you might divide up the friends, his ad hers, based upon who was originally the primary friend. But…..anyone that would turn their back on a friend merely because the friend has hit a rough patch in their lives is no sort of a friend at all. You are better off without that particular negativity in your life. She goes on to talk about her children completely shunning her too. Again, something unlikely, unless perhaps you’ve been very abusive towards that child in the past.

Debi6Oh I call fibber on this one. Being offended that people aren’t showing the concern the way this fake lady thinks should happen seems pretty unlike. I guess it could happen, but from what I’ve observed many people are preoccupied enough navigating their new reality that noticing, much less being offended by what others don’t do is so unlikely.

She follows with some harsh words from a church lady and others accusing her of selfishness. She’s convicted, but of course she would be because the world of the Pearls involves people being incredibly arrogant and insensitive to others to verbally beat them back onto the straight and narrow path. Adding a huge dollop of creating guilt in this lady.

Debi7NO! NO! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friendship and love are not earned!

*grumbles*

If all your relationships are transactional-based you need more help than Debi Pearl. There are so many different factors that go into healthy relationships and ‘what can he/she do for me?’ is not a healthy one. Humans are so much more complex than this view of Debi’s!

In the unquoted bits Debi/Fictional Woman proclaim that she immediately healed her negative emotions and warped personality by volunteering at a senior citizen center and by befriending a struggling single mom. Yes, while helping others is great, and it can give you a mental and emotional boost it’s not the instant cure all that Debi makes it here.

Debi8So now there is another unmentioned divorce? Debi really needs an editor and to keep track of her claims. It feels like she just cobbled this paragraph on from a completely different piece of writing. Poverty claims now. I’m surprised that Debi Pearl did not go for the fear monger-y threat she’s used in her books – living in the duplex with lesbians. Sometimes living in an apartment or room, in peace, under your own control and away from an abusive spouse is worth more than a fine house.

moreRead more fake stories by the Pearls

Bitter Boyfriend


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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • SAO

    It sounds like there are 3 possibilities here:
    1) The wife was a manipulative narcissist and when she was upset at divorce, she waged war on anyone who didn’t act the way she wanted them to or
    2) The husband was a manipulative narcissist and waged effective war on the wife, who was, nonetheless, well rid of him or
    3) The whole thing is made up.

    The moral of the story is to stay away from manipulative narcissists. If you figure out you’re married to one, divorce him pronto. If you have one as a family member find a book on dealing with difficult people.

  • Quinsha

    A nice thick HEAVY book?

  • Kay Pea

    I can confidently say my divorce brought me far more happiness, peace, and friendship than marriage to my first husband ever did. He actively practiced gas-lighting, verbal and emotional abuse, and worked quietly to isolate me from the people who cared about me. By the time our divorce was final, I was, for the first time in years, surrounded by people who loved me and wanted to help me move forward into a healthy life.
    Debi Pearl is a conduit for her husband’s toxic ideology. I am torn between feeling compassion for her and wanting to write her very blunt letters.

  • LaMaria

    Assuming Debi’s imaginary friend lives among people like Debi, it’s quite possible that her friends don’t want her around anymore. A divorced woman is like a free radical, looking only to peel off the man from an existing couple. And you can’t expect *men* to say no to adultery, can you? (/s)

  • Astreja

    I actually gained friends by divorcing, because I was then able to pursue new interests and meet new people. Beats the heck out of being an incidental ornament occasionally acknowledged by people passing through ex’s circle of influence.

  • Shan

    I believe, according to Libby Anne’s reading of her book, Mrs. Pearl also advocates that you will turn into a lesbian and live in a terrible, dumpy rental and curse the day you were born.

    As you can see, Debbie is a woman strongly grounded in facts and reality.

  • MaraT

    I went through a divorce, and at first it was very painful. It was like a necessary medical procedure. You endure the pain so that you can ultimately be much, much healthier. Sure, it took time for me to rebuild my social circle and for a while, there were lonely times and a few crappy apartments. It was totally, completely worth it. The new social circle of friends were and are a much more loving and supportive group. I could finally focus on my career and it took off. I met my present husband along the way. Sorry, Fundamentalist Whack Jobs, I’m the story you don’t want told. I left the control freak and made a much better life for myself with a much better spouse.

  • Emersonian

    Wait, hold up– there’s a duplex full of lesbians in one of their books?

  • Bravo Sierra

    I know from my upbringing that when you’re in a small town full of evangelicals that a divorce in your family can leave you bitter and friendless. They say that mostly because they plan on shunning you and trying to actively mess up the other aspects of your life that they have control over.

  • Saraquill

    In “Created to be His Helpmeet,” Debi warns if a woman doesn’t follow her book, her husband will leave her. Said woman will end up living in a duplex and find another woman to cohabitate and fall in love with.

  • Saraquill

    Debi’s life would have been so different if she divorced after her “honeymoon” of abuse, or if she took the kids with her when they were little. A lesbian duplex sounds much nicer than rape and hog feed.

  • Aloha

    Sounds like this lady needed to “divorce” her family and friends as well.
    And some people find that it’s necessary just to move far away and totally start over.

  • Almost a chimp

    Debi projects more than my local cinema! And, bless her missing heart, she thinks that ‘righteous’ anger is about dollars. Surely J.C.s left-hand woman should know what righteous means.
    Where in the Bible does Jesus say “Verily I am mighty pissed right now, and it’s going to cost you lot many pieces of silver”? Even when he lost it with the money-lenders he only knocked over their tables; no financial gains for him at all.

  • Almost a chimp

    True. She would have been a bitter, judgmental single mother instead of a bitter, judgmental married woman.

  • Saraquill

    I’d rather be more optimistic about what could have been.

  • Iain Lovejoy

    “Love is earned. Friendship is earned.” Debbie Pearl – “Christian”.

    “You have heard it said: Love your neighbour, and hate your enemy.
    But I say to you: love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who accuse you falsely and persecute you,
    that you may be sons of your father in the heaven, because he makes his sun rise on evil and good, and sends the rain on the righteous and unrighteous.
    For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not tax-collectors the same as well?
    If you greet only your brothers, what more do you do? Do not tax-collectors do so?
    Then you shall be perfect, as your Father who in the heavens is perfect.” Jesus – the sermon on the mount, probably one of the most famous passages in the Bible.

  • Mimc

    It’s funny how much better she makes it sound than the “ideal” marriage she describes. I think between the two options even a straight women would be temped to choose the lesbian relationship.

  • Kevin K

    …and this is a problem … how?

  • Kevin K

    The primary emotion I felt as my divorce was finalized was relief that it was over. The state where I lived at the time required an 18-month(!) separation, so we had both long since gone our separate ways and re-built our separate lives. Getting the final decree done was like finally getting the thorn pulled out of your foot.

    My only negative emotion was around the fact that she took my Emmy Lou Harris album.

  • persephone

    Specifically, a duplex full of lesbians.

  • Carra McClelland

    Me too! And the friends I gained have been amazing.

  • Dr Sarah

    ‘I wake alone and spend some part of most every day trying to figure out how to make ends meet.’

    Quite apart from anything else in the article, I note that this is also a story of a woman who found herself not only with an empty life but in dire financial straits after her husband suddenly left her, to the point where worry about money is almost a daily thing.

    I wonder if Debi noticed that she just wrote a cautionary tale about the importance of a woman having her own career wherever possible rather than being a stay-at-home wife whose only long-term financial plan is to depend on her husband for everything?

  • If my only choices were being a lesbian or dealing with your standard fundy male, I’d switch teams in a heartbeat.