Forced Marital Sex is Never Rape

Forced Marital Sex is Never Rape January 29, 2018

Larry

Shared this yesterday on the NLQ Facebook page. I found it after I’d already posted Debi Pearl’s deranged ideas about divorce. The ever disgusting patriarch Larry Solomon whose entire world revolves not around the words of Jesus, but his own gonads has been pondering the #MeToo movement.  What did he decide? That there’s no such thing as rape in marriage again.

All that sex out of marriage is fornication, which does not concern Larry beyond his dismissal of it as sin. He starts off with a big lie, claiming he thought that forced intercourse was wrong. Can someone check and see if his pants are smoking yet? We’ve documented here a number of times that Larry-boy lives to say you must force your wife to have sex with you.

Larry19Do you think that also means in Larry-Land that men cannot refuse the sexual demands of a wife? It’s not always men being denied sex in a marriage.

Larry20 Nothing he’s saying here has anything to do with the #MeToo movement at all. I guess it’s an improvement, even if it’s ever so slight, but I see nothing different here from his last pile of words. Did he suffer a bout of amnesia?

Larry goes on to quote what other more legitimate main stream ministries call rape – forced sex in any and all circumstances and then says that is not automatically rape.

Larry21Ugh! He’s actually advocating for rape here and in the bits below

Larry22Humbling? He genuinely believes that sexual violence is for the purpose of humbling a woman? It goes back to the idea that wives are at once children and possessions that need to be taught their place by means of sexual violence. How does any of this line up with the words of Jesus on how we are to treat others? Even slightly misogynist Paul didn’t go this far.

Larry23…and I cannot look at any more of Larry’s words here. If you must torture yourself with Larry’s words on forcing sex and his rape scenarios this is the top post on his site Biblical Gender Roles. Have at it.

The rest of the piece is a glorification of rape, sex without consent, that Larry justifies with a pile of Old Testament verses. He’s a rapist. If he hasn’t raped someone yet it’s coming. What was that about thinking of someone in lust is just the same as committing adultery? Can that also apply to rape fantasies like Larry clearly has?

moreRead more misogyny from Larry Solomon

Sexist Misogynist Pigs Are Godly


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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Evelyn

    If a woman could force a man as easily as a man can force a woman, Larry would have something very different to say, I’m sure.

  • The Bofa on the Sofa

    Nothing he’s saying here has anything to do with the #MeToo movement at all.

    Well make sure you understand. The emergence of the #metoo movement made him go back to scriptures to reconsider his position. Because, damnit, he has to be able to find a way to show that those uppity bitches are the problem, and he is going to mine the bible until he can prove it.

  • John Pieret

    Uh, what about the fact that our culture calls forced marital sex the crime of rape?

    I guess he thinks that’s just like “incorrectly” calling the killing of 30,000± male children (Numbers 31) “murder.”

  • Nightshade

    Larry has claimed opposition to holding a woman down and physically forcing sex on her, and I often wondered why. Why did he draw a line there? If he thinks manipulating, punishing, and coercing a woman to have sex against her will is fine, why would he not literally force himself on his wife? It’s a difference of degree, not kind. I suspected he really didn’t have a problem with that, and the only reason he didn’t say so was fear of being arrested, and I think this bit confirms my suspicion:

    ‘Gentlemen there is more than one way to skin a cat. If you use force against your wife, it may be right and just before God – but because of the wicked society we live in you run a very high risk of going to jail for violations of domestic abuse laws or the remove of the marital rape exemption in all 50 states. All your wife has to do is make a phone call.

    Instead you need to be wise as serpents as Christ admonished us to be and use other means to discipline your wife. See my article “8 steps to confront your wife’s sexual refusal” for ideas on non-physical ways in which you can discipline your wife. These are all non-physical methods of discipline that you can never be prosecuted for (despite feminist fantasies to the contrary).’

    …which boils down to ‘yeah guys, God is totes OK with you forcing your wives, but the law ain’t, so be careful and stay out of jail.’ And it gets even worse, stating that it’s fine to force a wife to perform oral sex, spank her, and slap her across the face to remind her of her ‘place.’ To top it off he lays the blame on the ‘rebellious’ wife, saying if she just does what she’s supposed to ‘the issue of forced sex in marriage would really be a non-issue.’

    I feel sorry for the wife and daughter Larry claims to have.

  • lady_black

    Forced sex within marriage is definitely rape. Women are not slaves.

  • SAO

    In marriage vows, a husband promises to love and cherish his wife until death. Rape is not loving or cherishing. In short, a husband who forces his wife is violating his marriage vows. All Larry has proved is that there’s a hell of a lot of crap in the bible that few people today think is moral. Reminding people of it pushes most people away from religion.

    Americans are leaving Christianity at speed. In 2007, 78.6% called themselves Christian. Now, 70% do. The nones are now as big a group as evangelicals. Perhaps if more Christian leaders condemned the swamp-dwellers like Larry and stopped waging war on gays while worshipping ghe undeserving rich, they’d keep more of the congregations.

  • Dave Maier

    It must be in there somewhere!

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    My silly little woman brains cannot handle Larry’s logic before coffee.

  • Nightshade

    There is not enough coffee in the world for that.

  • Carstonio

    The real question is why does anyone as repulsive as Larry Solomon even have followers?

    One of the Monty Python books has a deleted scene from the Life of Brian script, part of Brian pretending to be a prophet to hide from the centurions. He condemns people who join false sects, and the crowd hears it as “enjoy forced sex.” After a moment, he catches on and begins ranting against sexual sinners in lurid detail, just what the crowd wants.

  • Saraquill

    As an antidote to Larry’s garbage, I offer this comic strip and its sequel. (NSFW) Imagining Larry running into both women calms my heart.

  • Saraquill

    My guess is he doesn’t believe such people exist. Society’s stereotype of males always wanting sex and hence incapable of saying no makes life awful for victims, especially if their attacker isn’t male.

  • Ruthitchka

    Wow. Horrible. That is not the recipe for a happy marriage. He gets to “punish” his wife, who is an ADULT? What a jackass. At least he’s not into that “Christian Marital Spanking” stuff, or whatever it is called. I guess that is one good thing.

  • AFo

    Larry is a straight-up rapist. No question. We already know he doesn’t care about pleasuring his wife during sex, and that he advocates not looking at her face if she’s not sufficiently into it, and now we know that he wants to make sure no one has any doubt that he gets what he wants, when he wants it. All “supported” by the Bible of course.

  • Nightshade

    I think it’s worse than marital spanking. He talks about not only spanking, but slapping across the face, saying ‘a slap across the face is not going to kill someone,’ like that’s where the bar is, and says ‘remember that the rights of slaves in the Bible form the foundation for basic human rights for all people. If something could not be done to a slave, it could also not be done to someone of a higher social status like the child or wife of a free man,’ saying that discipline that causes permanent damage is wrong, and ‘a simple cut or bruise as a result of controlled discipline is not wrong or abuse.’ If my understanding of Christian wife spanking is correct (if it’s not I hope someone will inform me otherwise, know your enemy and all…), bruises are something to be avoided, rather than an ‘oh well, it’s not permanent, so no biggie’ thing, and slapping one’s wife across the face is (at least not openly) advocated.

  • The Jack of Sandwich

    If a woman may not resist a man’s desires in sex, then I guess the man can not resist a woman if her fetish is cutting off his penis and throwing it in the garbage disposal.

  • Allison the Great

    There are a lot of things in the bible that are not moral in any way shape or form. The fact that these things are in the bible does not make them moral. Sure, Larry, it’s allowed in the bible but that doesn’t make it okay. There are a lot of things in the bible that just don’t fly in a secular society. The conclusion that a reasonable person (not Larry, obviously) would draw is that humans are better at deciding what morality is better than any make-believe deity. And, you know, Yahweh as a character is a fucking psychopath. We don’t tolerate such behavior from our fellow humans but it’s perfectly acceptable for a god to behave that way? Religious belief systems are very broken.

  • Allyson Smith

    He does, actually. His last couple articles have thrown in casual comments condoning the genocides in the Old Testament. “If We Treated Divorce Like Killing” has a whole section filled with apologetics for genocide. Larry’s problem is that he bases his idea of right and wrong solely on what he thinks that the Bible says on the topic. If he thinks that God says that something is good, it’s good–no matter how terrible it is. If God appears to condemn anything related to modern social and political progress–it’s bad. We can’t trust our own reasoning, experiences, or feelings. We just have to rely on what Larry tells us that the Bible tells us. And of course Larry’s never ever made an argument from emotion. *eyeroll*

  • NikkiofAmystika

    And it looks like he doesn’t allow comments, either, so add “thin-skinned” to the list.

  • BridgetD

    Maybe wine would help.

  • Jennny

    I used to read Patheos/Ev before I saw the light and transferred here and began to notice how many P/E bloggers don’t allow comments whereas most other bloggers of many world-views do. And those fundy-bloggers who do allow them can be very rude to a commenter who dissents even slightly from the blogger’s POV – and then ban them of course. Almost as bad, my pet anti-jargon peeve, was when commenters just wrote ‘Amen’ which presumably was exactly the sort of sycophantic response fundy-bloggers loved and expected, they had large egos to be stroked by their herds of sheeple!

  • Almost a chimp

    They will in all likelihood follow the standard domestic abusers’ golden rule; Only hit ’em where the bruises won’t be seen when she’s dressed. Basically, save the hardest hits for anywhere below the neck and above the knees and elbows. Oh, and should they slip up and black an eye or split a lip, just keep her indoors for a couple of days.
    I’ve seen it over and over again, and the pattern never changes.

  • gimpi1

    OK, I feel sick now. That was truly horrible. However, Mr. Solomon has made one unintended point: We must never allow religious justification for any laws in our secular, democratic republic, because there are some genuinely nasty beliefs out there, which people have backed up with their interpretation of their holy writ.

    So, thank you, Mr. Solomon. Warning noted.

  • Iain Lovejoy

    I know Larry’s blog is anonymous, but he has expressly admitted to and described marital rape, sexual assault and assault on his wife in it. Is there no way of reporting the matter to the police for action? They should surely be able to locate the author via his internet service provider?
    (I’m based in the UK so I don’t know how US law enforcement works.)

  • gimpi1

    Perhaps Irish coffee may help. You need to lose quite a few brain cells before you are dumbed down enough to grasp Mr. Solomon’s “logic.”

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    I believe I’ve pinned down who/where Larry is, but there’s no way to report him since there’s no proof what he’s done.

  • bekabot

    I’ve read Larry’s 8 steps, and I know of no course of behavior more likely to piss a woman off and to piss her off permanently…to the extent that I’d say that if you want a woman to despise you and to despise you in perpetuity (which is to say, either until you die or until she does) you could not do better than to follow Larry’s advice. Larry’s advice will achieve that objective; Larry’s advice will get you to that goal. It won’t necessarily take you anywhere else, though.

    So, gentlemen, be aware: this is not wise counsel. This is not the way to make a woman want to sleep with you (though it may be a way to get a woman to sleep with you because she thinks she has no other choice). Aside from that, Larry’s 8-point program sounds to me like something a man might say in order to try to impress his (male) friends; IOW, it doesn’t sound like typical advice — the way much of the ‘advice’ in the seduction community sounds less like advice than like bragging. It also sounds like something a man who’s emotionally younger than his age might say in order to impress male friends who are younger than theirs (again there’s a parallel to what goes on inside the seduction community).

    As usual, all JMO.

  • Iain Lovejoy

    Apart from his own admissions in his own blog: surely that’s at least worth a cop showing up at the door and checking if his wife wants to make a complaint?

  • texassa

    This is why I hate religion. It has nothing to do with god, and everything to do with people – mainly men – exerting their own horrible ideas and actions under a guise of god. Under the banner of heaven, indeed.

  • Myles

    We are lucky that gods exist only in the minds of the mentally ill. It is really horrible that the words of their creators control the world.

  • zardeenah

    Domestic violence checks can go really wrong though – even if the woman isn’t on board she could be punished for it. When the man’s dominance is threatened is when it gets really dangerous! And there’s a big chance that the police won’t even care – it is notoriously difficult to get police help for DV. If Larry is well regarded in his community or friendly with police officers it could be even worse than average.

    I wish it could be different, though. Crimes against women are taken so much less seriously here that all one can do in most DV cases, no matter how violent, is stand by to support the victim if she ever decides to leave.

  • Iain Lovejoy

    It’s a right [expletive deleted] all round.

  • persephone

    I didn’t comment earlier, because I went through years of rape by my ex. Yes, I called the cops on him when he got physical, but they always had some excuse not to arrest him (well, this one lieutenant did; the day shift finally arrested him). With this response, I didn’t even bother calling them over the coerced rape. He knew that threatening me physically wouldn’t work, so he held the kids over my head, since I was the one working and away from home all day. I gave in to keep him from raising a hand to them (when I was home, I stepped between them, and he knew I’d probably kill him if he hit them), but he was so emotionally abusive, I just wanted him to leave the boys alone. I made sure there was food they could fix on their own, and they quickly learned to stay out of his way, although he had gotten to the point that he would go down to the garage and hang out there most of the day and night, snorting meth and watching porn.

    He couldn’t believe I wouldn’t take him back after they finally arrested him and he got a plea bargain. Yeah. Delusional.

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Wow! I’m so glad you and your boys got away from him. That’s a terrible way to live.

  • Anonyme

    So, Larry is basically saying that marriage (to him) is basically automatic and irrevocable license for husbands to use and abuse their wives…forever.
    I knew Larry was awful, but I didn’t know he could be THIS awful…with a side of cognitive difference. Somehow “forced sex” between an unmarried couple is rape but forced sex between a married couple…isn’t?
    *stab stab stabbity stab*

  • Anonyme

    There is also the possibility that Larry’s wife has been abused to the point that she has normalized it and/or does not want to risk retaliation by getting help. 🙁

  • Nightflyer

    Anyone with good charismatic abilities — speaking ability, writing ability, looks, a believable line of drivel that can attract loyalty and attention — can gain followers. Hitler, Manson, Jim Jones, the list goes on forever. Heck, people admire the mobsters, both fictional, as in “The Godfather,” and in real life, as in the Gotti family, when the harsh reality of their operations and lives is that they are sadistic and stone-cold sociopathic killers. It’s a sad commentary on humanity.

    Glad I found this website. I knew about “Quiverfull” from an idiot on Hatewatch who was very proud that he would find his perfect wife from them, until he switched from White Nationalism and Protestantism to Traditional Catholicism, and realized that having a Protestant wife was some kind of sin. Now he’s resumed his commitment to celibacy, and I’m sure women across his home state are greatly relieved.

  • Nightflyer

    His addiction to meth explains why he thought he would take you back, I’m afraid. I am very glad that you got away from that human horror.

  • persephone

    The meth prolonged the issue, but a lot of abusers simply do not see their behavior for what it is. The cry of, “you’ll never find someone who loves you like I do,” is very common among them. The correct response to that is, “That’s the plan.”

    He’s been off meth since he was arrested, as far as we can tell. His issue is that he’s a severe narcissist, and simply cannot see other people as anything other than tools to fill his needs.

  • Nightflyer

    Yes, that’s very true…it greatly upsets me that you have had to deal with it for so long.
    I have had to deal with victims and abusers in my role of finding people jobs. The victims have dreadful stories. The abusers often don’t see what they did wrong…they feel they are entitled to “possess” their victim.
    We just had an incident where a man shot his girlfriend, then drove off to evade police, and shot himself during the chase. He didn’t die, and was taken to hospital. Clearly the enormity of what he had done slammed down on him.

  • persephone

    Not the enormity. Men suicide a lot more often, not because their lives are more difficult (hah!) (MRAs love to produce this statistic), but because they simply do not handle taking responsibility for their actions. They screw up, then they kill themselves, doesn’t matter the situation. Men will destroy the family finances, but instead of sticking it out, facing the issue, and working on it, they’ll kill themselves, leaving no money, no insurance, nothing to help their surviving family.

    The man who shot his girlfriend didn’t feel a lick of guilt; he was worried about having to go to jail.

  • Nightflyer

    You’re probably right…although having dealt with some of these folks, I find it hard to generalize. Some men are gilt-ridden, others are evasive and cowardly. I try to deal with people one at a time, case-by-case.

    One thing that’s interesting for men is the “double whammy.” That’s when the job is lost and the marriage disintegrates in the same space of time. If one event happens, the other helps them cope. If the job goes down but the marriage is okay, the guy regroups around the wife and kids for emotional support while he struggles to get a new job. If the marriage goes down but the job is okay, he either keeps the old place or finds a new one and cries into his beers and commiserates with his work buddies about the miserable way of the world at the watering hole, while focusing on the job to at least make the car/rent/alimony payments. When the guy loses the job and comes home to find the wife and kids walking out, that can set off a hostage/barricade situation, which can in turn lead to the guy shooting himself, preferably in front of the woman or boss he wants as a witness, so as to traumatize them for life.

  • AuntKaylea

    I have to take a break from this type of stuff every once in a while, but I saw this, and I have to say, the state representative that represents my district believes the same as Larry boy here – or at least has publicly claimed that marital rape does not exist. Needless to say, I will not be voting for him no matter what.