Japanese culture is really big on the idea of maintaining a “public face” and tucking one’s “true feelings” away to avoid making others uncomfortable. It’s infamous for it, even. Yet, Japanese people would consider Nancy’s philosophy bizarre and dangerous.


Expressions of negativity are everywhere in Japan because they do have a positive side: Griping collectively about unpleasant conditions promotes social cohesion. And sometimes it leads to everyone working together toward a solution if the unpleasantness is fixable.

Moreover, the more closely you are related to or associate with someone, the more you’re allowed and expected to divulge your true feelings. It’s inappropriate to burden outsiders with your true inner state, but you want to enable those close to you to help you. And you want to encourage their honesty so you can help them in turn. Faking happy all the time to your family would be like shoving them away.

Correct me if I am wrong, but there are also specific outlets for less regulated behavior that are not expected to wash over into general life, correct?

For example, my understanding is that your office can all go out drinking together, and you can pretty much throw up on your boss’s shoes, or they on yours, and it’s just not mentioned outside of that context. This may be a gross oversimplification, but am I off base here?

There doesn’t seem to be a lot of that social letting off steam in this advice. That can’t be good.

I must say, as the child of a grumpy-in-the-morning mother, it had little effect on me, except to convince me to always eat breakfast — or more importantly feed visiting parents breakfast — first thing in the morning.

Oh, and another thing, I think 99.99% of parents with healthy legs walk upright in the morning (and the rest of the day).

“Mornings are for coffee and contemplation.”

No “oozing” joy until I’ve finished at least one cup and a few blog posts/articles!

Perver — er, I mean great minds think alike!

That’s what your bosses may make you think at the time; but there’s no assurance at all that that implicit promise will be kept after the party’s over. This is why people are advised these days NEVER to drink too much with either your boss or your professor.

Um … isn’t walking around with the appearance of constant joy you don’t feel a form of lying? Didn’t I hear somewhere that lying was wrong? …

Depressed people do a lot of this, not necessarily at home, but certainly outside it. I did it successfully for years, and it took a terrible toll on me. (I did eventually get treatment.) But as a kid, I was chided for being less than cheerful, so I developed the act. (My anxiety-driven mother needed a cheerful child to validate her parenting skills. Meanwhile, she was certainly allowed to have bad moods.)

This advice is cruel.

“I think 99.99% of parents with healthy legs walk upright…”

Evolution rocks!

A bit passion-killing, that image.

Oh my god you used a picture of Tina Turner as the Acid Queen!!! That is amazing.

At gatherings like that, you do get a lot more leeway and can be way more candid than usual, but you still want to be prudent. Even if people won’t bring up a faux pas to your face, they still remember you made it. And, being human, it will affect their opinion of you whether they mean it to or not.

LMFAO!

Is Nancy the one who didn’t get married until much older, or am I mixing her up with someone else?

It’s pretty easy to tell a woman with 6+ kids that she’s going to hell if she’s not always grinning, from your lofty no-children, never-going-to-have-children perch.

I mean, I’ve only got two myself, whom I adore, but they both know that everyone’s allowed to be grumpy in the morning, especially before the coffee kicks in.

I don’t recall a psalm, but there’s this in Proverbs: “If anyone loudly blesses their neighbor early in the morning,
it will be taken as a curse.” (Proverbs 27:14)

Afraid I don’t remember. The person who told me that may have been mistaking something from Proverbs with Psalms.

I can’t walk with a spring in my step until at least the second cup of coffee and my pain pills have kicked in. Some days, not at all.
Still, I’m generally happy. Every day above ground is a good day at this point.
My philosophy is “Always keep smiling. It will keep other people wondering what you’re up to!”

She wouldn’t like me in January after the holidays. I am lucky to get out of bed in the morning, clean the kitty litter, and make dinner later. Pretending a joyous countenance requires more ENERGY than I have during those times.

Oh no, she has nine children. http://aboverubies.org/index.php/component/content/article?id=546

Too true. The only way I could be less of a morning person would be to develop aversions to garlic and silver crosses.