Your Feelings Are a Lie?

Your Feelings Are a Lie? November 15, 2018

This is one of the more toxic lies in Quiverfull, that your feelings are a lie. But it is one that the female cultural enforcers like Nancy Campbell of Above Rubies push the hardest. Why? Because if you can disassociate enough to deny your feelings you can be controlled.

They will tell you it’s because negative feelings are from the devil, but even in the Bible people felt discouraged, downtrodden and negative, while navigating their way through those circumstances. Most of the Psalm start with King David bemoaning something and end with a different viewpoint. We are human and we’re liable to have flucuating moods day by day and it is no sin. No matter what Nancy et al tend to say.

I think one of the big problems with Nancy and pals is how they define happiness. It’s not rational or normal to be gleefully grinning all the time like a lobotomy victim. There will always be times when we grieve of mourn, moments of great empathy with hurting others, times of contemplation and a million other fleeting emotions.

Denying your negative emotions, stuffing them down, only leads to kicking them down the road to come out in exactly the wrong moment. Better to deal with your feelings, be real and honest with yourself and stay emotionally healthy that any amount of smiling denial.

Besides, if you reason like Matt Inman of The Oatmeal it might just be that you find Nancy’s type of fake happiness not your bag at all. I tend to agree with Matt on the subject of happiness.

I’d rather to interested and engaged than the type of happiness pushed in Evangelical Quiverfull.

How about you?


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NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

I Fired God by Jcoelyn Zichtermann

13:24 A Dark Thriller by M Dolon Hickmon

About Suzanne Titkemeyer
Suzanne Titkemeyer went from a childhood in Louisiana to a life lived in the shadow of Washington D.C. For many years she worked in the field of social work, from national licensure to working hands on in a children's residential treatment center. Suzanne has been involved with helping ithe plights of women and children' in religious bondage. She is a ordained Stephen's Minister with many years of counseling experience. Now she's retired to be a full time beach bum in Tamarindo, Costa Rica with the monkeys and iguanas. She is also a thalassophile. She also left behind years in a Quiverfull church and loves to chronicle the worst abuses of that particular theology. She has been happily married to her best friend for the last 32 years. You can read more about the author here.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Saraquill

    I had a very bad night when I was 16, leading to extreme attempts at self-harm. One lady took offense to my suffering and insisted I perform very superficial gestures of fun in order to please her. I still (data redacted.)

  • Anri

    Should I presume that the people quoting that Psalm don’t care to be reminded that the primary reason a large quiver is a good idea is that arrows are inherently disposable objects?

  • Tawreos

    I guess the beatings will continue until morale improves in Nancy’s world

  • Non-Quiverful fundies also push this: it was pushed where I grew up, prosperity gospel style. Basically, you were to go on “faith” and speak “faith”, not feelings. (Basically, put on the Christian happy face, quote Bible verses [even change your voice to a more intense tone], and say Christian clichés.) We were also told we could “choose” to be happy. (One young woman got busted from the pulpit on Sunday morning for coming to church sad she wasn’t married. Mr. Pastor heard that in Esther’s day, folks were not to be sad before the king; thus, you should not be sad in front of him.)

    When my one friend left, she and her husband found another Evangelicals church. She said that in one Bible study, someone mentioned feelings, and it reminded her of our old church, and she ended up going to the bathroom to cry. (I had previously read about this on the internet, but it was different hearing it from someone you know IRL, with no screen separating us.)

  • Tawreos

    It is weird that they don’t want people to go on feelings since the only reason they are all christians is because of fear of hell. I guess they don’t like admitting that they are all about emotions.

  • SAO

    In the Iron age, children died like flies. Yes, happy was the man and woman who had not buried baby after baby, toddler after toddler, child after child. Watching your child suffer and die is one of the most tragic events a human can face.

    Another way to put it is that healthy children make you happy. The take-away from that is to get them vaccinated, have health insurance, make sure you don’t have more kids than you can care vor.

  • Saraquill

    Your pastor indirectly called himself a king. Red flags ahoy.

  • AFo

    Maybe Nancy can flip a switch and turn her emotions on and off like a lamp, but the rest of us don’t work that way.

    Also “Forget your feelings. Embrace the truth.” To a rational person, that’s a paradox and doesn’t work.

  • persephone

    This is how HDOs work. You become so overwhelmed with the day to day business of just getting through that you don’t have time to contemplate just how messed up the entire situation is. You can’t afford to lose focus or the entire structure you’ve built that is being held together with chewing gum and bent paper clips will collapse, and there is no one available who can help you recover.

    Getting QFs to live in rural areas with minimal human contact just adds to the isolation and limited options. It’s a perfect setup to control people from a distance. If you can’t have them in an isolated commune, set them up in a way that their main contact with others is through distance: snail mail, email, blogging, etc. Then, push them to spend what little money they may have to attend conferences where they are surrounded in an echo chamber of other people desperately trying to do their best in this insane society, where no one is going to speak up and say they’re having problems, push them to buy all the books and materials they can’t afford, then send them back to their home in the middle of nowhere, sure and certain that they’re the only ones who are having problems, which makes them resolve to keep doing more and more and more.

  • Delilah Hart

    Predators often show their teeth when they’re angry. I wonder if Nancy Campbell actually channels her anger and hostility into that weird, frozen, toothy grin that is often plastered on her face.

  • TheBookOfDavid

    Forced joy is the most genuine of all, because it condemns self-expression in favor of obeisance to authority, as God intended.

  • TheBookOfDavid

    Feelings are deceiving. We should live our lives by the truth of God’s eternal Word, not how we feel.

    However, the bible talks about certain things that make us happy. They’re worth finding out, aren’t they?

    God says that murdering children makes us happy. Psalm 137:9 says “Happy is the one who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks.”

    You do mean all of God’s eternal Word, not just selective bits, right Nancy?

  • Saraquill

    This was under different circumstances. The lady was fond of declaring that since she once suffered, no one should express negative or neutral feelings around her. It was all about her, not her religion.