I sometimes wonder why no one in the Pearl organization No Greater Joy can see it’s not personality types they are dealing with, but what sometimes reads like some sort of cluster B personality disorders. Take this question about encouraging a Visionary for example.

I don’t know which is worse, that she took a challenge to be ‘lovable’ when ‘unlovable’ or the fact that her husband sounds like something of an unstable and immature undiagnosed whatever mental syndrome you like. It sounds like she has another child, an overgrown man-child completely unable to put his needs aside for the good of the family.

Why is it that a woman who acts this way in Quiverfull is thought to be inconsiderate and selfish, yet a man gets a pass by being labeled a ‘Visionary’? No one ever thinks perhaps Daddy needs a visit to get a physical or a psychiatric work up, no matter how bizarre they behave. It’s all smile, submit and go over that high cliff if he deems it no matter what the outcome.

Being a ‘Visionary’ by the very definition of the word isn’t code for ‘unstable and immature’. Having a vision for the future and your place in it is not a carte blanche to keep plunging your family into debt, possible homelessness, or constant confusion.

This poor lady is really asking for help on how to deal with the constant willy-nilly nature of her husband, yet Karen Sargent, speaking on behalf of the Pearls tells the writer to shut up and suck it up buttercup because this is your life now.

Do you even really have a marriage when you’re playing clean up behind an unstable man-child who has never learned to put his needs second? The fact that Karen Sargent even has to say to remind him of you and the children’s needs seems to indicate no. What you are is mere support staff to a man, not a marriage partner.

While partners don’t always agree on every single thing at least there is discussion, compromise and understanding. From her descriptions it sounds like he has to be reminded that his decisions impact the entire family.

That has to be an extremely hard way to live your life. Never knowing if you are truly settled and planted in a place. The lack of stability would be so hard to live with in the day to day.

The impact on the children would be so negative too. Growing up with a father you cannot count on, with changeable moods and plans that shift with the wind. Kids need consistence to thrive. Knowing that they’re come home to the same place every day, that dinner is always served, that their parents will meet their own emotional needs. Not being served the scanty crumbs of scattered affections of a father with constantly changing priorities.

Debi Pearl and others make a huge deal about how hard it is to be married to a ‘Steady Man’ type. From what I’m seeing Mr. Steady Man is the only semi-normal and non-jerk in Pearl world. He would never willingly plunge you into direst poverty to make a point, feed you literal animal feed, have your children so afraid of him that it impacts their own marriages. They don’t know how much better marriage is when you have a Steady Man. Instead they have to invent these titles and attributes for the jackholes they married instead just so they can feel superior to everyone else.

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