More Jill and Derick Dillard Sex Advice?

More Jill and Derick Dillard Sex Advice? August 25, 2019
Screen cap from YouTube of the couple that thinks they invented sex.

This week the internet and the tabloid press exploded over one of the truly dumbest things I’ve seen in a very long time – Jill Duggar Dillard and her husband Derick Dillard giving out more sex advice.

They’ve been married five years, which hardly makes them experts. Get back to me when you’re plus 25 years and had a boatload of real life experiences, complete with ups and downs, illnesses and trials, and we’ll talk. A real marital sex life involves more than being ‘joyfully available’ 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

Warning: Snark ahead!

Wait, wait, I’m going to need to anesthetize myself with a xanax,  another cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll. Or maybe just some Dramamine.

Remember a few months ago when Jill was posting photos of sex games and a Kama Sutra book followed by her own ideas on sex? Now it’s Derick’s turn. This week Derick posted a long article about sex and marriage and Jill posted more dirty games on her Instagram.

Here’s what I want to know. What gives? Why all the sex games, advice, and sudden emphasis on sex with the Dillards? Is this the only way they have to stay in the public eye and even slightly relevant since it seems unlikely any more babies will be born of their union? I know when they say this stuff it drives huge hit numbers to their website, but this is all they got?

Derick gives his approval of birth control, seeming to hint that’s what they are doing in their marriage. I doubt it though, and think it’s more likely after two births that went sideways it’s likely Jill is unable to have any more children.

Still gagging over his blog post “Hot Love” and wondering why people not married that long are having to turn to games and reinforcement of sexuality in order to keep the marriage alive. Five years they should still almost be in that honeymoon period if I remember all the way back to then in my thirty plus years of marriage.

-Have lots of good sex! You both need this time together regularly (5-6 times (or more) a week is a good start).  Guys, you need to keep yourself “joyfully available” for your wife, because only you can fulfill certain desires she might have.

Oh gawd! I just ruined one of my few good pairs of shoes here!

There is nothing I want to know about less than their sex life, unless it’s the sex life of Jill’s brother sex pest Josh Duggar. In fact, I don’t want to know anything about any of Duggars sex lives. Or the Kardashians.

Maybe this is one of those Millennial things I do not get, shouting about your sex life from the rooftops.

At this point the Duggars seem like they’ve morphed into an Evangelical version of the Kardashians, with slightly less flesh on display.

Josh is currently embroiled in a nasty lawsuit over property shenanigans, where he may have knowingly swindled someone. The case is about to get much uglier as his lawyers and Josh are ignoring the court requests during the discovery phase of the trial. That never works out well. The only reason to attempt to ignore discovery is because there’s something unseemly in the paperwork.

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NLQ Recommended Reading …

Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement by Kathryn Joyce

I Fired God by Jocelyn Zichtermann

13:24 A Dark Thriller by M Dolon Hickmon

About Suzanne Titkemeyer
Suzanne Titkemeyer went from a childhood in Louisiana to a life lived in the shadow of Washington D.C. For many years she worked in the field of social work, from national licensure to working hands on in a children's residential treatment center. Suzanne has been involved with helping the plights of women and children' in religious bondage. She is a ordained Stephen's Minister with many years of counseling experience. Now she's retired to be a full time beach bum in Tamarindo, Costa Rica with the monkeys and iguanas. She is also a thalassophile. She also left behind years in a Quiverfull church and loves to chronicle the worst abuses of that particular theology. She has been happily married to her best friend for the last 33 years. You can read more about the author here.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Mollywog

    Maybe they’re bored because they were both so inexperienced that they weren’t enjoying themselves since they had no idea what might feel good? Yeah, I agree, only 5 years is a bit too soon to be needing games in bed to the point where they’re posting about it this often. This is reminding me of a book that came out in the 70s that I’ve thankfully forgotten the name of. It was full of stuff about things like greeting your husband naked2, with his favorite drink in your hand for him when he got home from work. I remember a bunch of us girls reading it in secret. Passing one illicit copy someone had managed to get hold of around and wondering if it was really necessary.
    Sorry about your good shoes, and very thankful you read this stuff so we don’t have too. Eeeewweeeee

  • smrnda

    I feel like they’re dealing with being from a repressive but sex obsessed subculture by oversharing.

    And yeah, sex advice from newly marrieds is probably only useful if someone never had sex or a long term partner. As an asexual, I appreciate the insights some people gave me which, from my perspective, were a big deal. But it would have been useless to anyone else, like their sex advice.

  • Jim Jones

    > There is nothing I want to know about less than their sex life, unless it’s the sex life of Jill’s brother sex pest Josh Duggar.

    How about Trump’s sex ‘life’? Retch!

  • Jennny

    I think it’s simply that they are worried their grifting is not as popular as it once was. They have to do something to appear ‘cool’ or ‘trendy’ to keep up their sheeple’s interest…and delay the day when they might actually have to work for a living at a proper job for which their lack of education has not fitted them.

  • Knitting Cat Lady

    Well, depending just how sideways those two births went an emergency hysterectomy is one possibility.

    And I’ll say it again here: Derick’s number has to at least be divided by two. Or more.

    As far as I can tell 69fucking is not the only way for pair bonding. Cuddling is also necessary, I think.

    Not that I can say much, being aromantic and asexual. They forgot my relationship module during assembly.

  • Rachel

    Definitely not exclusively a Millennial thing–I’m a Millennial and the only person who knows how much we get it on is my partner. On the other hand, I have a coworker in her late 40s who rivals the Duggars in how much she overshares about her s3x life and us 20-30 somethings are sick of it.

    In my experience, people that obsessed with s3x are either desperate for attention, deeply insecure and compensating, or both.

  • Friend

    Our system works! It totally works! It works for us! It will work for you! Just do what we say we do! Look how happy we are!

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Now, now, you’re risking my other pair of good shoes. I’m generally not interested in the sex lives of anyone else.

  • critter8875

    The Total Woman
    Marable Morgan

  • Littleblueheathen

    Telling husbands to be joyfully available, condoning birth control – sounds kinda like a big ol bird finger to Boob2 and Meech to me.

  • Littleblueheathen

    Wasn’t there something about going to the door wrapped in Saran wrap?

  • AFo

    The Kardashian comparison is spot on. Just like Kris Jenner, Jim Bob and Michelle p1mped1 out their children for fame and money. The only difference is the Duggars seem to think prayer can solve literally any problem, while the Kardashian-Jenners understand how to spin and weather bad publicity and stay relevant. On the one hand, I feel for Jill, because she has no real marketable skills and was basically raised in camera, but on the other hand, I really don’t need to think about her and Derek doing the nasty1.

  • Aloha 2

    So you can wear makeup, load yourself down with jewelry. But just to cut some bangs is a sin? A little home hair color is off-limits?

    The recipe for holiness in women always varies from one church to the next.

  • steveiam

    Perhaps, they believe that Sex is work, and boy do they ever work it hard.

  • steveiam

    Not even Anthony Scaramucci, a/k/a ‘The Mooch.’? He announced on MSNBC, to Chuck Todd, that he was discussing issues with his Wife. We
    bet. His hapless Wife discovered him ‘playing around’ with another whilst in her 8th month. OY!

  • Shwilly

    5 or 6 times a week, (in other words, almost daily) to fulfill HER desires, even with 2 small children to care for? And wait, how does he know these are HER desires since she can’t say no without being a sinner? By the Quiverfull reasoning guide, is there even a distinction between his and her desires, since papa knows best and all.

  • Shwilly

    Rule of 3, adapted for fundies.

  • Shwilly

    Exactly. And in the Kardashians case, they at least have the option of saying, “I was wrong. I’ve learned.” and don’t have to pretend for the sake of upholding some supposedly infallible life model.

  • Littleblueheathen

    Thank you, Suzanne for fixing that. I’ll be more careful next time.

  • Saraquill

    Five to six times a week? OW.

  • Polytropos

    It’s not a Millennial thing. It’s simple oversharing from people who don’t have a healthy grasp of boundaries or the distinction between public and private, and who are desperate for attention. Neither of them have an abundance of career-relevant skills, so right now their most viable option is probably to become the evangelical equivalent of the Kardashians.

    I think there’s also an element of immaturity that comes from their repressive upbringing. It’s almost like te&#8203enagers discovering an interest in s&#8203ex for the first time and getting obsessive about it – enthusiastic, but not always dignified or appropriate. Most of us have flushed that all out of our systems before we finish high school, but these two probably weren’t able to develop in a normal way.

  • Mollywog


  • Mollywog

    That’s the one! *shudders*

  • Jenn H

    Probably they want to prove to the world they aren’t missing out on anything by following fundy rules. They might think everyone else is having lots of zex, so they need to tell everyone how awesome their zex lives are and isn’t marriage the best thing ever.

  • Ann

    IKR, I’d be having UTIs left and right if we had that much s8x. Working fulltime, doing normal things, and taking care of kids? Either she’s a dynamo or he’s too demanding.

  • Jennifer

    Excellent perspective and way of putting things, Suzanne. I never thought about it, but yes: a Kardashian resemblance has come up. And wow, Josh is on an official trip to show he’s lousy, low and 1ugly2 in every way.

  • Jennifer

    That’s a good point about their subculture and I also think Jill wants to reach other women who know a similarly little amount.

  • Jennifer

    Stepfords come special-wrapped.

  • Jennifer

    Reminds me of Michael Pearl’s bragging.

  • I’m just going to sit here and *cringe*

  • Raging Bee

    Maybe this is one of those Millennial things I do not get, shouting about your sex life from the rooftops.

    The right-wing Christians are realizing that everyone is getting more and more turned off by their unbelievably stupid and harmful negative ideas and attitudes about sex; so a few of them, at least, are trying to win back young people by coming up with whatever erzatz kludges come to mind to make themselves sound hip, savvy and sex-positive without admitting any of their basic asinine doctrines are in any way less than 100% perfect and true. Pope JP-II did his bit by trying to pretend his Church was totally okay with the transcendent joys of sex — as long as it resulted in pregnancy — and this is the Quiverfull contribution. It’s only gonna get loonier, at least until the old-line bigots silence the idiots2.

  • Anne Fenwick

    it’s likely Jill is unable to have any more children.

    This usually means that it would be dangerous for her to have more children. It very rarely means that it would be impossible for the woman concerned to get pregnant. Usually the only way to avoid the dangerous pregnancy is contraception, up to an including getting her tubes tied (but often not). The only real alternative is that she has needed to have a hysterectomy.

  • critter8875

    That was referenced in an episode of “Maude”. Maude’s friend answered the door wrapped in Saran wrap because she thought it was her husband.

    Maude: “Have you been drinking?”

  • Anonyme

    At least he acknowledged that women want and need pleasure, too. You don’t see a lot of that in QF.