Marry or Masturbate?

Marry or Masturbate? September 6, 2019
Youtube screen cap of Joe Gatto from “Impractical Jokers” yelling for Larry. This is what happens at my house when Larry Solomon is mentioned, we all start yelling “LARRY!” Joe Gatto style.

Larry Solomon, he of Biblical Gender Roles which we cannot link to because it improves his Google ranks, is writing today about all the ways a good red pilling semi-MGTOWing Christian young man can find a mate. What leapt out was Larry’s promotion of self-love while waiting for this imaginary creature, the chaste sheltered Biblical girl. Marry or masturbate in the world according to Larry.

Oh brother! Masturbation today, yesterday semen brains. Way too much focus on male reproduction, and none on the ladies.

Larry’s answering another of his emails. This one does not sound like it is a catfishing email, but I could be wrong. What is frightening is that the young man keeps rattling on and on about how Larry has educated him on the evils of feminism and before he thought equality between the sexes was a good thing.

This is the real danger of guys like Larry. They can impact impressionable people all too easily to their toxic ideas. Apparently this young man hasn’t seen the oh so average beta male that Larry really is, a guy without anything in real life to recommend him. If you saw Larry in real life you’d just pass on by, maybe even feel sorry for him. Not to be emulated.

Here are Larry’s steps to finding Miss Right.

Step 1 – Know Your Purpose in Life

It is “for this cause” (Ephesians 5:31), the cause of picturing the relationship between God and his people, that we are to seek and enter into marriage.

Well, what about the passages in the Bible that state it is better to be celibate and unmarried? Or those that have guys with more wives and concubines than FLDS compound? Here’s the problem with insisting on doing it Bible style. There is literally everything you can think of in the Bible, and parts of it completely contradict other parts. This is not a good way to run your life even if you’re a Christian.

Step 2 – Read Your Bible from Genesis to Revelation

Step 3 – Keep Sexual Relations for Marriage

Step 4 – Build Your Career First, Then Seek A Wife

Here’s where Larry starts deviating from the Bible-town script. According to many in Quiverfull you have to marry quickly, no college, no careers, just marry or burn. This might be the most sensible piece of advice coming out of Larry’s mouth.

Step 5 – Look for A Woman Who Knows Her Purpose

Translation: Too cowed by her father and religion to say boo to a goose. Sort of a cooking/cleaning doormat with a hole for sex. Larry et al would be better off with robots, or poor lobotomy victims that any sort of woman with critical thinking skills, and wants, desires and expectations.

Step 6 – Avoid Sexual Temptation While Waiting on Marriage

Larry yet again veers from the standards of Evangelical Quiverfull, mixing in his own thoughts on the matter.

So how does God want you to handle your unmet, yet God given sexual desires during this waiting phase of your life?  The answer is one word and it is an uncomfortable word for some while others have been taught it is a sin.  And that word is masturbation.

The scriptures condemn lust, not masturbation.  And then we must understand how the Bible defines lust verses how we define it today.  Romans 7:7 teaches us that lust is not mere sexual arousal or sexual fantasy, but it is in fact covetousness as defined in the 10th commandment. It is not a sin for you as a young man to be sexually aroused by or even have sexual fantasies about women.  It is not even a sin for you to masturbate to such thoughts or images.

Lust, in the Biblical sense, is when you think about or desire to entice a woman into having sex with you outside of marriage.  So, you don’t have to suppress your sexual nature until you are married, but rather you must exercise it within the bounds of God’s law.  And a big part of avoiding sexual temptation before marriage is to set a boundary for yourself that you will never be alone with a woman that is not your wife or your blood relative.

Notice Larry never mentions the fact that women can struggle with lust and masturbate too. But, here’s the thing about Larry’s claims about lust, desire and masturbation. It requires desire, or if you will, lust to do the act. A man just cannot think ‘Okay, I’m going to choke my chicken now.’ without thoughts of a sexual nature. There’s nothing wrong with the thoughts, or the act. For once I am in agreement with Larry over the issues of self-pleasuring.

Larry devotes the most words and paragraphs to his masturbation party in the entire article. The original email did ask him to be brief.

Step 7 – Be Diligent in Your Search for A Wife

You cannot hope to find a wife by simply sitting around and waiting for one to fall from the sky.

Larry advises internet and global search if you cannot find someone local. I wonder what he thinks of those Russian and Asian find a bride sites?

Step 8 – Do not Date but Instead Court

Dating leads to relationships based on emotion rather than compatibility.  The Courtship process helps protect a couple from the temptation to have premarital sex while at the same time allowing parents the ability to offer an objective analysis of the compatibility of the couple.

The only real difference between dating and courting is that in courting Daddy gets to call the shots. It’s really about control, nothing else. You must have at least some positive emotions towards the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with or it will be nothing but a disaster.

“LARRY!”


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About Suzanne Titkemeyer
Suzanne Titkemeyer went from a childhood in Louisiana to a life lived in the shadow of Washington D.C. For many years she worked in the field of social work, from national licensure to working hands on in a children's residential treatment center. Suzanne has been involved with helping the plights of women and children' in religious bondage. She is a ordained Stephen's Minister with many years of counseling experience. Now she's retired to be a full time beach bum in Tamarindo, Costa Rica with the monkeys and iguanas. She is also a thalassophile. She also left behind years in a Quiverfull church and loves to chronicle the worst abuses of that particular theology. She has been happily married to her best friend for the last 33 years. You can read more about the author here.

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