Toxic Masculinity and Sandwich Making

Toxic Masculinity and Sandwich Making May 23, 2020

Lunch. Come and get it.

One of the things I love the most about Facebook is the exposure to differing people and types of thought that can occur. Sometimes it’s awful, like when I had to block an old friend for sharing a photo of Auschwitz with words cobbled on about how social distancing and masking during the pandemic is the same as being sent to a death camp. Sometimes it’s funny, like the joke about the puzzled demon being summoned and told “I didn’t summon you to play effing Yahtzee!” Sometimes it’s heartfelt and wonderful, sharing the birth of a baby, or a personal best.

Sometimes you get to see hideously bad theology of others. Or see it also refuted. Lately I’ve been running across and reading The Emancipated Wife – a response to The Transformed Wife and her garbage. Today TEW linked to one of the best examples of crazy over the top whining wimpy male Christian toxic masculinity – Michael Foster of “It’s Good to be a Man” podcast and website.

Michael has such charming titles on his blurblings like “Escaping the crab barrel” and “The connection between covenant and Clown World.” Reading through some of his nonsense it looks like the usual join federalist world and boss women around because you have a penis and God has a penis weak man talk we keep seeing.

Then there’s that trite what he believes is masculine logo this man uses.

Screencap from his website

Knitta please! You don’t need a penis to throw or use an ax effectively! I’ve used one and I’m a little old lady. Lots of women, as well as men, like to throw axes for fun. It’s not gendered.

A screencap of Michael Foster’s words I found on TEW’s Facebook page. How many untruthful silly statements can one man make in a paragraph?

“Divorce-rape” so we’re also dealing with a garden variety Red Piller/MGTOW who just happens to be a pastor. Jesus wept.

But it was this bit of fluff that popped out to me in this abusive nonsense.

“Begin by simply making small decisions instead of relying on her. Tell her what you want for lunch. Turn requests into commands. “Can you make me a sandwich?” becomes “Can you make me a sandwich.” It’s not the words; it’s the tone.”

“Can you make me a sandwich” is exactly the same thing as “Can you make me a sandwich” no matter what tone of voice you use. Can I make you a sandwich? Sure, you’re a sandwich now.

And sandwich making is so not a gendered thing at all. It does not require a vagina to hold a spoon to spread the mayonnaise! The idea that only a wife can make a sandwich is pretty petty in the extreme. Dude would starve in some households because there is nothing in the marriage vows about sandwich making.

Just like so many other things, like using an ax, repairing a hole in a pair of pants, or mowing the grass, baking cookies, or weeding the garden most tasks in life are not gendered. They can be interchangeably done by whoever wants to do them, or likes to do them, or is good at it. Which is how real adults function, not by whining that they  have to be in charge and put gender labels on tasks.

This is a theology that allows no one to do those things they thrive at. There’s no wiggle room, no individuality. It’s all strict conformity to a standard that has never truly existed in order to make them feel less frightened over their own sexuality. That is what is driving all of this.

Whenever I run up on these guys with their tight gender roles I think of this series of magazines and their own fears of not being manly enough. Like maybe some one might mistake them as homosexual. Like it matters anyway. It does no. You do you and don’t settle for these idiot boxes of self description these guys push.

Be well and avoid these guys.

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About Suzanne Titkemeyer
Suzanne Titkemeyer went from a childhood in Louisiana to a life lived in the shadow of Washington D.C. For many years she worked in the field of social work, from national licensure to working hands on in a children's residential treatment center. Suzanne has been involved with helping the plights of women and children' in religious bondage. She is a ordained Stephen's Minister with many years of counseling experience. Now she's retired to be a full time beach bum in Tamarindo, Costa Rica with the monkeys and iguanas. She is also a thalassophile. She also left behind years in a Quiverfull church and loves to chronicle the worst abuses of that particular theology. She has been happily married to her best friend for the last 33 years. You can read more about the author here.

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