Why I’ll Mourn Joe Nicolosi, Reparative Therapy Icon

By David Khalaf My former therapist is dead. The news came out of Los Angeles this week that Joseph Nicolosi, one of ex-gay therapy’s greatest champions for decades, died of complications with the flu at age 70.  Some members of the LGBTQ community may offer flippant reactions or begrudging respects. Those who struggled under the weight of his [Read More…]

Six Videos That Help You Understand LGBTQ Christians

The experience of LGBTQ people in the church is often fraught with conflict. When a person comes out, their newfound safety in God comes often at the expense of safety within their community. To better understand what it is like, for them and their loved ones, we recommend watching these videos:   “Through My Eyes”: [Read More…]

Five Struggles Unique to LGBTQ Marriages

Same-sex marriages are just like opposite-sex marriages, right? Well, yes and no. The dynamics of human relationship are universal. In some ways we connect, and in others we inevitably clash. And all marriages have underlying commonalities: communication, compromise, connection. But because of our culture, our government, and our churches, LGBTQ marriages face unique struggles, even in [Read More…]

If You Want to be a Trans Ally, Declare Your Pronouns

We’re cisgender men. The pronouns we want people to use when referring to either of us are he, him, and his. Why does this matter, and what does it even mean? Being cisgender means that we identify with the gender we were “assigned at birth.” In blunt terms, it means that the genitals with which [Read More…]

How to Help a Queer Person with Church PTSD

We love our church. The preaching is always timely and thought-provoking. The worship—liturgical but free of pomp—moves us, bringing us to those thin places where we feel an intimate connection with the divine. Most of all, we love the people. When we first moved to Portland we thought it would be temporary. Now, despite both [Read More…]

When You Can’t Avoid Politics

In the past week, we’ve written about the government’s move to ban Muslim refugees and the importance of staying united even when our own cause isn’t in peril. Now we’re supposed to go back to writing about our main topics: marriage and LGBTQ relationships. But we can’t. As much as we both want to change the subject away [Read More…]

Don’t Let LGBTQ Protections Divide Us

After a series of divisive executive orders from the White House that have left progressives feeling rattled and afraid, many were relieved to hear the president’s announcement that he will, for now, keep in tact federal protections for LGBTQ workers. Don’t be fooled. This bright spot in an otherwise dark week is not a glimmer [Read More…]

What Trump’s Orders Mean For LGBTQ Refugees

We are proud Americans. David’s maternal ancestors can be traced back to the Mayflower, and his father came here as a refugee. Constantino is an immigrant himself. He received asylum here after his work as a journalist in his home country put his life in danger. We are direct beneficiaries of America’s greatest virtues: personal [Read More…]

The Return From The Mountain

Mountaintops hold historical significance as places in which we interact with the supernatural. Abraham climbed a mountain with the intention of sacrificing his son in obedience to God. Moses climbed Mount Sinai to get the Ten Commandments. Peter, James, and John climbed a mountaintop and witnessed the transfiguration of Jesus. The mountaintop is magical—but we [Read More…]

How the Church Fails LGBTQ Couples

When we look back on 2016—the year we got married—one of the things we are most grateful for was the opportunity to receive premarital counseling from the pastor of our church. During sessions spread out over months, we spent time sharing stories about our pasts and what brought us together. We talked about our reasons [Read More…]