Ed the Internet Atheist

Guest blogger Ed Blanch writes for RED– the Intercollegiate Marxist Review. An activist with the Occupy Chick-Fil-A movement, he is also a member of Citizens for Rap Music. He comments regularly on the PETA website and blogs at There’s No Sky Fairy. Ed is a sophomore at North Jersey College of Technology majoring in media studies.

What would you think if you suddenly discovered an ancient medal in a museum of a naked person on a cross who also had a virgin mother? I read on a website that this is what was discovered in a museum by some researchers. It turns out not to be Jesus Christ, but Osirus-Dionysius. That’s right. It’s a pagan god from ancient Egypt.

It is pretty clear to me that the Jesus Christ of the Bible never existed at all and that the early Christians just adopted different gods who were out there in order to attract their neighbors to their new religion who wanted to belong to the new sect. Like Pan the Good Shepherd god. Then there is also the examples from Syria and the Middle East. Did you know that Ra the Egyptian Sun God was devoured by his followers in ritual cannibalism just like Christians eat the flesh of their Son of God and have you noticed that the words Son of God and Sun God are virtually identical when pronounced? This is because the Christians replaced the Sun God with the Son of God and that is why their holy day is Sunday.

This is just an example of how religious people use “market forces” to further their own status and wealth. They realize how much the working people like religion so they give them the religion drug to make them happy and oh yeah guess what? To make the priests happy the poor people have to give them lots of money. Its like, “Give me your money and I’ll make sure the sky fairy makes you happy one day.” Its like, “The Sun God likes gold, so give me the gold so I can make the Sun God happy and this is still going on every week in churches where the priests make the people give him their money.

Christianity also has other links with ancient pagan religions. For instance the pagan people in their religion presented flowers and oil lamps to their gods. You can see the same thing going on in Catholic churches today except it is candles.They also had ritual cleansing this is like baptism and anybody who does a little bit of research online into ancient religions as I have will also understand that the ancient lion god of Africa is just the same as Aslan from the story by C.S. Louis that I read in school and thought it was all real. In Sunday School the teacher told me Jesus died for me and rose again and then I read the book with Aslan but I forget its title, but I thought Aslan was Jesus but this was just borrowed from ancient African pagan religions like Disney’s Lion King which is another example and also Christians celebrate Halloween. Did you know that ancient religions from all over the world wear masks when the celebrate their religion and it is easy to see that all of Christianity was just borrowed and made up from other ancient pagan religions.

And why do they wear masks? So the people won’t see who the priest really is because he’s busy ripping them off and lining his own pockets and probably abusing their kids while he’s at it.

That’s why more and more people are shaking off the chains of guilt and dogmatic dogma which religions like fundamentalists at Waco and Catholics put on people and instead they are realizing that human intellect is what matters. When are people going to wake up and realize that there is no sky fairy or a heavenly father or angels or heaven? It was all made up so the upper classes can keep the people in fear. Its all thrown together from ancient pagan religions which is clear to anybody who has done a little bit of research, read a few books and taken a few minutes to think things through for himself.

For readers who are confused or upset by Ed’s remarks and would like to learn more about him go here and go here for some an analysis of CNN’s Holy Week article which is not far from Ed’s wacky ideas.

  • Pat Robinson

    What a bunch of junk! All sects of paganism have been unable to endure over time because they are false. Christianity has survived and flourished because it is true and the Holy Spirit continues to open the hearts of people to the truth.

  • The Egyptian

    Just when I believed Fr could not dream up another character, He does it again, sadly sounds like an occupy nutpiece to me, straight out of one of our top colleges
    Keep it up

  • http://arnobius-of-sicca.blogspot.com/ Arnobius of Sicca

    The sad thing is I have encountered some atheists who argue pretty close to the level of reason used in this satire.

  • http://ww.thinveil.net Brandon Vogt

    Ed is completely correct.

    That is, unless he later converts to Christianity. Then he was never a *real* atheist in the first place.

  • http://elizabethk-fthnfort.blogspot.com/ Elizabeth K.

    That picture is priceless. I love the patchwork of all the typical arguments–very fun.

  • Babagranny

    I am afraid too many self-righteous, arrogant, angry, and hateful people will see this and think that Father Longenecker actually endorses this nonsense. And I think that because so many people really do think this way. Have you ever seen a real headline and thought, “Ah, that must be The Onion at it again,” and it turns out to be a genuine story?

  • Adiutricem

    I had no idea you could be this funny

  • Mike

    You are spot on mate! What a brilliant mind….you speak with such authority!
    Could it be that you are the Christ? Nobody has ever spoken like you before.

  • John

    An activist with the Occupy Chick-Fil-A movement…

    Well, I have to admit, that’s one area of common ground I have with your new guest blogger. I’d occupy Chick-Fil-A all day long if I could, too! Start the with a chicken biscuit or breakfast burrito, a spicy chicken sandwich for lunch and a southwest ranch salad for dinner, chased by a chocolate shake? Mm, mm, mm…man, sign me up!

  • Jim

    Thank you Father for having the courage to post Ed’s views. It is rare for a ‘priest’ of the RCC to be so open-minded, perhaps you are having doubts about your own belief in the Sky Fairy?

    I found his analysis of the story of Aslan very profound. Perhaps his next piece might address the use of big pointy hats.

    Jim in Scotland

    • savvy

      You do realize that Ed is fictional right?

      • Jim

        Your name doesn’t really apply to your posting style, right?

  • Paul Rodden

    Looks like a Benedictine…

    But then I think most people in hoodies look like monks in waist-length habits when their ‘cowl’ is up. :)

  • Dave D.

    Don’t make me bring out Peter the Internet Catholic out.

    “Ah, but you see Ed, you say all this because you have never read the Papal Encyclical Mi Losa Me Tequila, in which Pope John Ringo Paul IV reaffirms the neo-Thomist mode of dialectical inquiry of the soul. Ergo prompter hoc, abortion is evil. G.K. Chesterton in his book “My God, I’m Drunk Again Aren’t I?”affirms this, and also shows how arguments against Holy Mother Church using paganism are invalid with this analogy about socks…”

    Okay, that’s enough out of him.

    • John

      That made me literally LOL.

  • http://thecatholicbeat.sacredheartradio.com/ Gail Finke

    Ha ha this is a great new guest blogger. The sad thing is how much of this same stuff I used to think when I was a sophomore! I never thought churches were ripping anyone off, but I did fall for that “other things somewhat resembled the Church, so the Church really just adapted them all” stuff. It made sense to me at the time. The paragraph about market forces is my favorite, it just sounds real.

  • Dennis Mahon

    Wow..this is pretty much the same stuff I ran into back in the 1980′s — I almost feel nostalgic.

  • Baltimore Catechesis

    Hey, Father, now that you’ve got Ed rattling around in my brain you have to do another Kaitlin O’Reilly to get him out of there! Please!


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