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Actor Chris Pratt Seeks New Deity To Replace God

Actor Chris Pratt Seeks New Deity To Replace God July 27, 2021


Many know superstar actor Chris Pratt as his character Andy Dwyer in Parks and Recreation or Star-Lord from the Marvel movie franchise Guardians of the Galaxy. He’s famous for his self-deprecating humor and winning smile. Up until now, Mr. Pratt has considered himself a proud Christian. However, all that has changed recently and sources say he’s looking for a new deity to follow.

“We were having coffee one day and he told me he started reading the Bible cover to cover,” said longtime friend Andy Canard. “And that’s when he realized God is a jerk.”

It’s not known what part of the Bible broke Mr. Pratt’s faith. Perhaps it was the Book of Job where God goads Satan to attack the title character and kill his family. Or perhaps it was Isaiah 13:15-16 “Whoever is captured will be thrust through; all who are caught will fall by the sword. Their infants will be dashed to pieces before their eyes; their houses will be looted and their wives violated.” 

Regardless, Mr. Pratt feels the need to find a less destructive and narcissistic deity.

“He looked at Islam for two minutes. That’s all it took for him to know it wasn’t for him,” Andy Canard said.

Anonymous sources in The Satanic Temple (TST) say representatives from the actor have reached out to find out more about the faith. Supposedly, Star-Lord read the 7 Tenets and is impressed.

“We’re happy he’s leaving his anti-LGBTQ church,” a TST source said. “At some point, we’re going to have to explain to him we don’t actually believe the Devil is real.”

In related news, Marjorie Taylor Greene is FOX’s new weather girl.

 


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