The Power of the Transformed Wife – Slutty, Slutty Yoga Pants

The Power of the Transformed Wife – Slutty, Slutty Yoga Pants March 10, 2017

Transformedby Suzanne Titkemeyer

Lucky chapter 13 today on a Friday. The title is ‘How Are You Dressing?’ and it’s all about modesty. A pile of shaming and blaming and defrauding, oh my! Tighten up your yoga pants.

Thankfully this is a very short chapter, even if it’s rather disjointed and filled with shaming.

The author starts off by discussing what others and other churches believe about what a Godly woman should wear. Alright, I’ll give her bonus points for at least acknowledging that there are differences in what people believe is appropriate. She says that many take their advice from the Old Testament, but that is wrong too because we’re no longer obligated to follow anything in the Mosaic Law.

Interesting considering later in the chapter she describes her own idea of appropriate swim wear and it’s something that would have definitely have gotten her in major trouble at my old church.

The issue of what is ‘proper’ dress is still something poisonous that religion has foisted upon us to the point where women still dress for reasons completely unrelated to their own comfort and needs. Last night I was talking to a young friend who does presentations at a university. She was talking about getting home just so she could kick off her high heels. I suggested flats instead for work and she told me, oh no, high heels look more professional. They don’t, but the screwed up ideas in our world based on old religious ideas run deep.

Lori claims that the most important things about how you dress are what your husband thinks and making sure it’s not what men wear.

So, as Christians who live under the New Covenant, we have liberty to find out from godly older women, and especially our husbands, what modesty should look like for us. Women should dress like women and be feminine.

She goes on to say that this about the difference between the sexes via dress

‘should be easily and clearly discernable.’(sic)

I think it’s pretty safe to say that men and women wearing the exact same thing are pretty discernible as different sexes most of the time. This rule is really unnecessary.

This is all followed with a discussion of Timothy’s words on modesty, which Lori thinks means not dressing in an alluring or sexual manner. Here’s a list of her do nots before we wade into the yoga pants discussion that takes up way too much room in this chapter. Some are repeats if you notice.

  • sheer and clingy material
  • plunging necklines
  • short skirts
  • skimpy dresses
  • exposing half your breasts
  • low cut tops

Modesty is an act of obedience to the Lord and an act of kindness to men by helping them reign in their natural impulse to take long looks—which can lead to inappropriate thoughts.

And we’re there, one of the most damning and damaging ideas in many branches of Christianity. Men are animal in nature and cannot control their impulses for sex. This reduces men to fully less than human, uncontrollable beasts that must copulate with every stray female that hints at the secondary sexual features of their bodies. Women being responsible for the sexual behavior of men.

Wrong. Outside of fundytown this seems to be much less of a problem. Many men are able to function, not freak out and rape or masturbate at the sight of a rounded bottom straining against fabric or a slipped bra strap. It’s mostly those weak wimpy patriarchs that seem incapable of dealing with wardrobe malfunctions and exposed flesh.

The sad part of all this blaming and shaming of random women chapter is that there are those that she is going to throw shade at regardless because they will always be judged ‘immodest’ just by the shapes of their body, which they cannot help. Having large breasts in the more fundamentalist circles of Evangelicalism seems to automatically doom you to unhelpful advice and judgment that you are immodest even if you are wearing a blouse cut like a proverbial potato sack.

Lori heads into yoga pants shaming. It’s the major part of this chapter. We all know how nutty she is about yoga pants from her blog. She had this to say about them.

While comfortable as well as practical, tight fitting yoga pants shape the derriere in ways that are like a push-up bra for your bottom. Skin tight in every way, I can assure you that yoga pants push the imagination buttons of most men everything….can trigger lustful thoughts.

Reading this I have to take it that Lori has not ever been in a Wal-Mart lately? She’d see many yoga pants wearers that would tend to do the opposite to male libidos. Erection melters. Not everyone looks like a shapely porn star when they don yoga pants. She admits that yoga pants are comfortable and practical, but instead of saying that if you chose to wear them you should think about pairing them with a long top or tunic she demonizes those innocent pants altogether. Plus her saying that yoga pants are the butt’s push-up bra? Nope, it’s only the high end pants that have lifting and separating features like a push-up bra, not the cheap ones most people wear.

Any honest man will tell you that lusting happens anytime he sees something that starts his motor running…Wearing yoga pants creates a strong attraction for man to look at a woman’s body in a way that triggers lustful thoughts.

One of the unintended things that has happened to me as a result of reading this book is that it has sparked some interesting, and sometimes funny, discussions between my husband and I. This morning as I was reading him the sections where Lori repeatedly says that all men lust over all bottoms and breasts he smiled and said, ‘Well, it really depends on who is inside that clothing…’

Not ALL men struggle to control their boners EVERY time they see a spandex-clad rear end, no matter what Lori or other cultural enforcers think. Men are always portrayed in this religion as weak beasts that must be coddled. Not very manly.

So how did Lori come up with her hatred of all things yoga pants/leggings related? Via her husband Ken.

Back in the 80’s, I wore black leggings when they first came into style, but then Ken asked me not to wear them unless I wore a long shirt over them, citing the reasons I’ve just explained.

These things must give Ken a boner.

Lori goes on to talk about not being a stumbling block to men by the way you dress. Typical for this book she keeps circling back to the same theme again and again, beating that dead horse with different implements until my eyes get stuck from rolling repeatedly. Then she goes on to explain why ungodly women wear what they wear.

It is at least understandable when non-Christian woman (again sic!) dress provocatively. They are following the norms of our society that teaches and promotes promiscious (more sic) behavior.

I think the word that Lori is awkwardly grappling for is ‘Promiscuous’ Here’s the thing about judging people by their propensity to follow whatever is ‘fashionable’ in their culture. It does not mean that their motives for wearing those things you find objectionable are related to sex. During our recent trip to Costa Rica we saw several women wearing topless swimwear and both men and women in various skimpy swimsuits. Asked a friend about the topless ladies and was told that while nudity on the beach is forbidden there that it is rarely enforced. Why? Because the ones running around topless were European and it was apparently customary to go topless where they were from. No one on the beach openly stared or drooled, no discernible boners were popped and no one hassled them. Imagine that, tolerance for someone with different customs?

Which leads us into the last bit, Lori goes almost into full on rants about bikinis. She goes on to claim that no version of the bikini is ever modest, followed by stories of girls in thongs that Ken has had to avoid on the beach where they live. But then she admits to wearing what I would call the modesty version of the bikini — board shorts and a tankini top — the same thing I used to wear to surf that would have gotten me tossed from my old church and church worship team. Still a bikini in a way. Semantics.

The majority of men will not lust after women wearing garbage bags.

Oh yes they will! If they’ve been brought up to think of women’s bodies as mysterious and sinful that garbage bag is not going to stop them.

I leave you with this, Lori’s thoughts on those young gals tempting Ken with their thong-tha-thong-thong-thongs.

Turning men on has to be a ego thing for them. They like showing off their sexy bodies because they feel pride knowing men are looking at them….men aren’t looking at them with love or respect.

Here’s the thing about what women wear, the real rule of what’s appropriate. Whatever they like, feel comfortable in and does not break the law. That’s it. Pretty simple. She has no say in what is right or wrong on someone else’s body ever.

Next week is discussing family finance. I cannot wait to be finished with this book!

Introduction | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9

Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14


Suzanne Titkemeyer is the admin at No Longer Quivering. She’s been out of the Quiverfull Evangelical world for nine years now and lives in the beautiful Piedmont section of Virginia with her retired husband and assorted creatures. She blogs at Every Breaking Wave and True Love Doesn’t Rape

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  • You know, this explicit kind of description does more harm than good. There are probably freaks like Vaughn hiding in his apple shed with a smart phone getting happy while reading this tripe.

    And then, the idea that Lori knows that most men won’t lust after a woman in a trash bag. How does Lori know if she’s dressed modestly? I remember walking up the street when I was dating my husband. No makeup, big baggy navy t-shirt, baggy jeans, and he was witness to a car with two men driving by who hooted and wolf whistled. We had a long discussion about why anyone would have even noticed me. He said that I’d done nothing to attract that kind of attention. It’s about as close to a trash bag as anything else I’ve ever worn.

  • AFo

    I exclusively wear two piece bathing suits, including bikinis, for one simple reason: they’re much more convenient for when you have to use the bathroom. I’ve spent a lot of time at the beach the past couple of years where the facilities are… questionable. I couldn’t care less what the men around me think; I’m just relieved that I don’t have to strip off my entire bathing suit or try some push it to the side maneuver every time I have to pee. I also noticed when I was in Italy several years ago that young girls who haven’t developed breasts yet pretty much never wear swim tops, regardless of what older girls and women are wearing. I wonder what Lori would say about that. The rest of this is utter bs. I’ve worked with plenty of women who wear dress slacks, leggings with tunics or long tops, skirts above the ankle, etc. who always look professional and in no way sexual. The men around us are able to do their jobs and function like adult humans despite all this “temptation” flying around them. Lori needs to get out of her bubble and see how the real world actually functions before telling us how we’re all going to hell for wearing pants.

  • Petticoat Philosopher

    Petite frame, 32dds. I had a prudish nightmare of a boss a few years ago that used to police the clothing (which was always professional) of any woman who had any curves. I started deliberately wearing minimizing bras to work and holding books and clipboards over my chest t keep from getting hassled. (Because I didn’t want to wear a sack! It’s depressing! I didn’t want to look like the queen of frump as a 20-something.) After I quit, it took me a while to get over the habit of pre-emptively scrutinizing my clothes. I’d not have done well in CP.

    Here’s the thing. I don’t give a rat’s ass what a man is thinking about my body as long as he handles himself respectfully. Sometimes I do wear cleavagy tops or dresses (in appropriate settings) because I like them and also, in the summer, it’s kind of unavoidable unless you want to be uncomfortable. Enjoy my rack or my yoga pants-clad bottom in silence all you want, guys, just don’t look at me like meat, don’t catcall me, basically follow the rules of common decency and pro-social behavior. What’s in your head is none of my business unless you make it so.

    One thing about this post. On behalf of the vast majority of Jews, please, PLEASE do not use the phrase “Judeo-Christian.” Most of us find it offensive. Also, there’s no such thing. Leave us Judeos out of this and let us speak for ourselves.

  • Jennny

    What about China where for centuries women’s feet were bound, the stubs were thought erotic for their husbands. Other cultures elongate women’s earlobes or necks, have women bare-breasted or with slashes on their cheeks or daubed with paint. Victorians covered the legs of furniture as a glimpse of ankle was thought too much for men to bear. Why is make up so advisable Lori. In my teens, my fundy church implied only hussies and prostitutes wore make up.

  • Mirlo

    “…we have liberty to find out from godly older women, and especially our husbands, what modesty should look like for us. Women should dress like women and be feminine.”
    This is a confusing definition of liberty. I now have liberty to be placed under the laws of others. Is that liberty? Or is that Stockholm syndrome?

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Wasn’t meant that way and I’m partly Jewish myself.

  • Petticoat Philosopher

    I know it wasn’t meant that way. It’s still a term many of us find offensive, though I get that a lot of people don’t realize that and so don’t mean badly. A friend of mine, who is a Jewish fiction writer who deals with a lot of Jewish themes in his writing, posted a pretty epic twitter rant about this that went somewhat viral. (He’s newish on twitter.) Most of the responders had no idea that the word is problematic and certainly had never meant any harm by using it.

    It erases us by subsuming our traditions into Christianity, which is what people are actually always talking about when they use the word. And our traditions are really, really different. There is no Judeo-Christian. There is Jewish and Christian. And Christianity is what influences our society, where we still often feel like outsiders. People either use it as a catch-all term when they want to criticize Christianity and usually the criticism really doesn’t apply to Judaism but people don’t know that because they generally think of Judaism as Christianity without Jesus. Or conservatives use it when they want to shove their religion and values down everyone’s throats but want to give themselves the appearance of caring about pluralism by making us their token religious minority friend, ignoring the history of anti-Semitism in Christianity which still persists in many ways among many Christians. And these days it’s also often a pointed way to exclude Muslims. For various reasons, most of us really, really don’t like this term and it is not hard to say “Abrahamic” instead if you think it applies.

    And having a Jewish grandparent or ancestor and not being raised in the culture or religion is really not relevant here. I’ve got a Cherokee ancestor on my dad’s side but I’m not going to use him as a defense if an actual Native American who lives that identity and grew up with it tells me to please not use a word because it’s loaded in ways that I don’t realize. I’m not NA and you’re not Jewish, regardless of the interesting artifacts of our lineages.

    This was absolutely not meant to be hostile. I know there were no bad intentions here. But the word is still considered offensive by a lot of Jews. I’m just asking you to please not use it. There are plenty of other terms that suffice (“Christian” is what most people actually mean, whether or not they realize it.)

  • Petticoat Philosopher

    Heres my friend’s twitter rant (it’s a lot of tweets) if you or anyone else is interested. It’s got a LOT of f-bombs I will say but I doubt too many people will be enormously scandalized. 🙂

  • Melody

    In short: nothing you wear will ever be good enough yet you’re also not allowed to wear nothing 😉

  • Suzanne Harper Titkemeyer

    Point taken. I’ll change it.

  • Joy

    I had no idea that phrase was offensive. Thank you for educating me. I’m not sure if it’s a phrase I’ve ever used, but if I have, I’m sorry.

  • zizania

    I’ve never worn tight or revealing clothing, because I’m just not comfortable in that sort of thing. Still, I had a customer who used to come in and chat with me while staring at my (usually sweatshirt-clad) chest the whole time. He never said or did anything threatening, but it was creepy anyway.

  • Petticoat Philosopher

    Thank you for hearing me out. 🙂

  • Petticoat Philosopher

    No apology necessary. I understand why it would not be obvious at all to most people why it is problematic–I mean, it sounds innocuous enough. And, of course, I’ll say the obligatory thing about how a lot of Jews–probably the majority although I’ve never polled lol–have a problem with this phrase and a lot have written about why (there’s plenty out there on the internet if you’re interested). But some don’t. Although the ones that don’t tend to be the among the minority of Jews that is politically and socially conservative (Jews tend to lean left) and so has a reason to want to make nice with the Christian Right. Still, of course, there isn’t a single opinion on the issue so it’s not like you’ll never, ever see anybody Jewish using the phrase. But the objection to it within our community is pretty widespread.

    Anyway, thanks so much for listening and taking this seriously. I wish more people responded that way and I always try to do so myself if I end up on the other side of a conversational dynamic like this. (And we all do sometimes!) I really appreciate it a lot! 🙂

  • Joy

    You’re welcome 🙂

  • Patricia Lakin

    I think Lori needs to be signed up to one of those leggings club. Lol

  • AuntKaylea

    A word in defense of the push-up bra: I have had DDD-G sized anatomy on an average (36 inch) frame for a long time. I also have the added issue of a long torso and high sitting/placed breasts. The push-up/demi bra does NOT create more cleavage for me, but rather is the only design which keeps me from having back problems because it gives me adequate support. It also means less bounce.

    If I had not been wearing these types of bras for the past 20 years, I would need both back surgery and a breast reduction.

  • I only learned that it’s offensive within the past few years. “Abrahamic” seems to be an acceptable, non-offensive substitute, and it doesn’t exclude Muslims who claim the same ethical origins.

  • texassa

    Lady, I don’t give a flying fack what your weak husband or any random man thinks of my pants at the grocery store, truly. Those running tights I’m wearing? Yeah, I’m wearing them because I’m on my way home from a freaking 4-mile run, because I love to be active and healthy. I’m wearing them because I just finished a 9-hour day in uncomfortable work clothes at my corporate job. I’m wearing them because it’s Saturday and I don’t have to put on “real clothes” today. I’m wearing them because it’s a chilly 60-degree Texas day. Because I’m on my way to Crossfit. Because they’re comfortable. Because I wanted to. Because I can. Of a list of one thousand reasons why I might be wearing those so, so sexy $19 Old Navy running tights, “so I can get attention from your husband” wouldn’t even come close to being on it. Fucking get over yourselves.

  • texassa

    The golden attire aspiration for godly fundie women is to look gorgeous, stylish, and – yes – sexy while appearing to never, ever, ever try to look sexy. It’s a very lofty aspiration they work every day toward, and writing pieces like this helps them achieve that image.

  • texassa

    You know what else – I have a long torso and 1-piece bathing suits never ever fit me comfortably. They dig into my shoulders and crotch. Women dressing for comfort? Never!

  • pinkie

    As Roy Zimmerman would say, I’m free to practice my religion and you’re free to practice mine.

  • Mrs. Sunshine

    Yoga pants are so 5 years ago. Leggings are what all us sluts wear now.