Over the last few days I have been feeling intense levels of anxiety and I don’t know why. You know that feeling of something important you are supposed to do, something that’s nagging you and hanging over you, something you have forgotten? It’s like that. For several days I’ve had a foreboding anxiety, which is starting to trigger feelings of depression.
What’s really interesting about this experience is to see how one’s entire perception of the world is changed based on what’s going on in the brain. And those things happening in the brain may have no real reason behind them.
Because of these feelings of general anxiety, I have less patience and I see danger and fear in every direction.
In some ways our perception is never accurate. There is no objective reality, in a way. Everything that we see and feel is filtered through so many things within our brains. Any one thing being off from our normal temperament can have a profound change on how we perceive what is happening to us in life. A friend told me recently about her mother who had a stroke. It changed her personality. She went from being loving, kind, and accepting to being critical, mean, and harsh.
I always find it valuable to observe these changes. It is a good reminder not to take my own sense perception too seriously. Even something I have experienced with my own eyes can be not as it seems.
I hope that I can find the source of this anxiety or at least find a remedy to relieve it so I can return to my usual state. I prefer being the person who is optimistic and full of gratitude for my wonderful life. Today I am not that person.I’m worried that this mental fog may be affecting my thoughts and my viewpoint here. So I hope that I can maintain my blog through this time and not be too embarrassed by what I’ve said when I regain my sense of self!
It’s pretty terrifying to realize how little control we really have over our brains. Part of the goal in Hinduism is to be in control of one’s mind, to not be ruled by these fluctuations in brain chemistry. I think that is the most challenging thing that Hinduism asks of us.
How do we take that step back and remember that what our brains think is reality may not be accurate and that in an hour’s time that brain may be telling us something completely different? And if we can’t trust our own perception, what can we trust?
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