On Second Thought: Episode 12 – First Love, Then Marriage

Trust me, it’s crazy to see your life on television. That’s why every week, I’m going to do a blog posts called “On Second Thought.” These posts are where I will go over the episodes of my Lifetime show as I process the issues presented now that I’ve seen them aired.  I hope you’ll join me for these weekly posts – which will undoubtedly be part-confession, part-explanation, and part-celebration of my life right now! 

Episode Twelve, Air Date: July 24, 2012

I don’t know where to start on this one.

On second thought, I really wish I’d handled things differently with Gino. I’d had big expectations for a fun trip together, but I think I was too ambitious.  Going that far with a small child was going to be hard enough.  But adding in romantic drama was just a bridge too far.

I didn’t want to continue fighting with Gino in front of Tripp, so I decided to just have him get out.  (Of course, I knew he’d be okay.  Not only is he a capable adult, I also knew there were cameramen from Lifetime who wouldn’t let him die on the side of the road.)

Anyway, I don’t want to write much more about this episode except that dating when you already have a kid is hard.  I think the old school yard chant, “First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes so-and-so with a baby carriage” has more wisdom in it than we knew as kids.

But that’s not where I am, and life is complicated.  I don’t want to write much more about it.

However, God is in control of my life…  even though sometimes it’s hard to see.

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  • Gina

    Bristol… I love you and your family. I passionately supported and voted for your mom. I watched her show and I watch yours faithfully. I voted for you on DWTS. I was also a young single mom. I had my baby at 19 AND he was born with Down Syndrome. So, I can relate a lot. I know it’s hard to be a young single mom and I made a lot of mistakes. I never had the world watching me.
    You are a nice girl, Bristol… but I also could not believe you left Gino on the side of the road and it broke my heart to see Tripp begging. See you aren’t just bringing yourself into this relationship, Tripp is in it too and he has a separate relationship with Gino. Relationship aside… that is just not how you treat someone. Is that was Jesus would do? The world is watching you, and you are the only bible some people will ever read. You need to set higher standards for your behavior. Be the boss of your feelings and don’t react emotionally. I have tolerated long car rides keeping my mouth shut for the sake of the kids many times. Sometimes it’s not all about you.
    I was hoping to read this post and see that you felt bad, realized your mistake and no matter what your relationship status with Gino is like, that you know YOU could have acted better.
    After all, you can only control you. I don’t really think being disappointed in having your expectations left unmet, or knowing that the Lifetime crew would rescue him are good excuses at all for making that choice.
    I know you are not perfect, or Jesus, and I am not watching you expecting you to be that… but please… if you are going to put your life on TV, show behavior that inspires people. You are better than this, I know you are.

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  • Georgette

    I usually do not comment but I giggle so hard I pee reading these comments… Has to be a little entertaining to you Bristol…. all those haters that can’t even spell. Your defenders all mad and flustered at the haters and then all the bickering back and forth “who’s right and who’s wrong” better than television. I’m sure being in the public eye it’s hard to keep your cool when you’re constantly attacked, but just think of it as free entertainment for yourself and continue following your heart and what God would have you do. Haters will always hate and supporters will always support. Just laugh it off and continue the journey.

  • http://us4palin.com Ron Devito

    My heart sank after watching that episode. I just came off a strike contingency assignment with my employer, so I did not even watch the last two until last night. It hit home, because a few months ago, my wife and I had a an argument in the car. We were only a few blocks from home. I booted myself from the car and she drove home. But even in booting myself, I felt horrible. I have been married over 15 years and never did a thing like that – and I’ll never do it again. Never. It was wrong. Period.
    Looking back on your Episode 10, I agree with you 100% on not having Gino invest in property with you in any capacity right now. I stand by my Sub-Chapter S advice, but I think you should do it alone as the sole investor.
    Right now – one thing to consider – is that you are the primary bread-winner and unless you take up with a man who is of equal financial means to you, it’s going to be that way with just about any man of “average” income. It’s not clear to me from watching any of the shows what Gino does for a living, but it is crystal clear that the income disparity between you and him is great. You out-earn him by 10:1 – maybe more. That’s a huge difference and it can be awkward for both of you. Every couple alive must have some agreement as to what each partner is expected to contribute both in sweat equity and financially.
    You have a fantastic career now as a celebrity in your own right; as an entertainer; and as a potential real estate businesswoman. Gino has been good to you and Tripp. I think he genuinely loves you. But, what is his future? As you said in your show, you will not – and should not – be a sugar mama to him. Whether it’s skilled labor like your dad did up on the Slope, or going to school and taking up a profession (doctor, lawyer, accountant, etc.), it appears to me that Gino needs to build his future in some fashion so he can be a true co-contributor to the relationship.
    The 12th episode is also the first time we heard about your trust issues with Gino, but I’m not sure what it is he has done to breach your trust….I guess that’s for future shows?

  • Fran

    I started watching this because I thought you were a nice young lady trying to tell your story. Both you and Willow have a lot of growing up to do. How you treat your men is embarrassing. Both Andy and Gino seem very nice and deserve to be treated better. Andy is better off without Willow belittling him – talking down to him. I hope you learn something about yourself from watching back the episodes – you claim faith – are you spending thine in the Word, listening to God’s voice,? Really, I am disappointed.

  • Nat reagh

    Love is up and down even when ur married . It’s just if you’re willing to overlook those flaws, in other words are they worth it. Then u need boundaries (emotionally,) what is not okay to do or say. U may not want to take trips together like a family , until ur engage. If ur engaged u know that this lifestyle with that person is in ur future. You are guarding ur heart and emotions in this way. I know u love ur sister but I think she’s not the one to get this type of relationship advice from. I know personally, I would look for Godly moms that can give guidance with experience . If Gino is ready he’ll take that next step of commitment , until then a good friend with boundaries is okay. , without boundaries its like playing house. Boundaries save u and ur son from an emotionally roller coaster.My son is 4 and I see similarities in our lives . I’m just trying to save u from a lot of heart break. Plus pray for ur future spouse and family. I’m glad I did;) thanks

  • Terri

    I think you made the right decision with the exception of leaving him on the side of the road. Good for you for not putting everything out here on the Internet. May God bless you and heal your broken heart

  • Ella

    You did what you thought was right at the time, not everyone may agree, leaving friends stranded is not always the only option, but i am sure you will figure that one out yourself, since you seem to be a smart young woman.
    I have nevertheless noticed your sister’s comments about Gino seem to influence how you two, Gino and you, get along, i don’t think you can see it being in the relationship, but it is more obvious to an outsider. I agree 150% that family is important and the foundation from where we grow and become in our lives, but the opinion of a sister, who is 17 y.o. and still so green in life experiences should be one you take with a grain of salt. Nobody, except for you and Gino, know your relationship better, so don’t let anyone influence you, you might regret your actions and decision, and even resent your sister, and regret is something you should live your life without. Regret is the past Ghost that will haunt your feature, trust me on that one. My mother just passed 3 weeks ago, suddenly, unexpectedly, was dead for 3 days before she was found, no times for goodbyes, i love yous, hugs, kisses, and most importantly, no times for “i am sorry” so much said, done, so much unsead, not done. I cry daily, worse this week that it was her birthday….but i know that is not what she would want so i write to share with you, live each day as if it is your last, tomorrow is promised to no one, no regrets……in the scheme of things, what is going to matter to you…..you are smart, beautiful, young woman, you have a great life and support group, stop, think, regroup, and if you forgive someone, don’t bring it back up…after all….can you cast the first stone?

  • Pete

    Bristol, during the custody battle over you son you were concerned that Levi, “wants the rights for his own self-promotion.” But you used Tripp for YOUR own self promotion for this new reality series, Bristol Palin: Life’s a Tripp. His name appears directly in the title of a show which promotes your life, the life of a young struggling single mother with the financial freedom to jet set around the country and make celebrity appearances. The only thing you really seem to struggle with is parenting, so you simply don’t do it at all. You complain about parenting a lot, but you never make the effort to improve your parenting skills. I feel really bad for your son, you used him to star in your own reality show and it’s having a negative impact on his development. Anyone who would subject their child to the glare of the spotlight at such a young age is simply not fit to be a parent. Since Tripp is desperate for a daddy, Levi should get full custody of Tripp and Bristol should pay child support. And if that doesn’t work out now that gay marriage is legal in several states, Tripp could be adopted by a nice gay couple instead. At least he would have two loving parents rather than someone who cares more about being a reality star than they care about their child.

  • RJB

    I just finished watching the latest episode. My heart goes out to you. It is so difficult being a single mom, much less one in the limelight. Obviously, the cameras don’t show everything, therefore you need to go with your beliefs and your heart. You need to stand up for yourself and your baby! A man should not only respect your child and love your child, but love you and treat you like a princess. He should be willing to apologize when he is wrong. He should also be willing to apologize when you feel wronged and he doesn’t think he has done anything. What matters is how you feel. On the other hand, you should be willing to do the same.

    You were right by saying you didn’t need him to jump in and be your Prince Charming. What you needed was for him to be willing to work it out, emotions, feelings, and all. Love is not easy. Love is not perfect. Being in love takes a lot of determination, hard work, and Christ in order to work. Christ should be the head of your relationship. You should pray together, worship together, and love together. “Marriage takes three,” man, woman, and most of all, Christ!

    I commend you for your strong beliefs and for standing up for what you believe. I have actually learned a little about life through you and I am 45 years old. Keep your head up! Take care of you and Tripp! And, by the way, your mom rocks! I was blessed to meet her at a book signing in Little Rock. She was so down to earth and cute. Your family is an inspiration! ;)