How to Have a Scrooge Advent

In this article John Zmirak in delightfully curmudgeonly form suggests some ways to be properly scrooge-like during Advent. Here’s just a few:

 Refuse to decorate before December 24—or better yet, leave your scary Halloween stuff up all through Advent. Then keep your Christmas lights glowing till February 2, reminding everyone who asks that “Groundhog Day is an Americanist  travesty of Candlemas.”

- When people say, “Happy Holidays,” respond by saying, “Happy Generic Meaningless Winterfest!” Then explain how the war on Christmas is part of a systematic attack by secularists on all of civil society—culminating in the HHS mandate. Nod solemnly as they back away.

Standing things on their head, John’s making the point that the whole schmaltzy day after Thanksgiving month long celebration of Christmas before Christmas is vulgar, cheap and well, just plain nasty.

The Nativity of the Lord has been hi-jacked, kidnapped and held to ransom by the money grubbing profiteers, the secular sentimentalists and the hoards of zombie shoppers. Our heads are filled with inane songs about reindeer, snowmen and city sidewalks. Satan (which is an  anagram of Santa) has taken over the whole thing quite successfully and left us with the husk of a beautiful and reverent celebration in the bleak mid winter.

I sympathize. I don’t really get “into the Christmas Spirit” until well along on the fourth Sunday of Advent. I grumble about having to put up Christmas lights before then, get grumpy about decorating the tree and am disturbed by “Have you thought about what we’re getting so and so for Christmas yet?” I reply incredulously, “But it’s only December 23!!! Much too soon to be thinking about presents.”

The only place I’ve ever seen Advent and Christmas celebrated properly–with no celebration until Midnight Mass and then real celebration and letting all the stops out until twelfth night–was in a monastery. I asked if I could move in, but they said while they respected the Pope giving me a dispensation from the vow of celibacy that having a wife and kids in the monastery was probably pushing it.

John’s article is a hoot. Read the whole thing here.