Mar-a-Lago, FLA – There is no doubt former President Donald J. Trump is in trouble. He’s on trial in the Senate. Some of his political base is leaving him. Many within the Proud Boys are openly saying he didn’t live up to their fascist dreams. His allies like Rudy Giuliani and Steve Bannon are being sued for the lies they spread about the election. It seems as if things couldn’t get worse for Trump. And now he’s bought Melania a horrible Valentine’s Day gift.

Donald Trump’s History Of Terrible Gifts

Donald Trump has a less than stellar Valentine’s Day record. Over the years, he’s had to pay off countless people who witnessed or heard about the marital strife caused by his reckless and thoughtless gifting. Millions were spent. Some believe it’s one of the reasons why so many of his businesses went bankrupt.

Anonymous sources talked about some of the incidences when Trump’s romantic gifts epically failed. Here are just a few of them:

• The homemade card: One time the Donald wanted to he really cared and had son Eric draw a card for him to give to her (Don is a terrible artist). However, the card showed Dad and Mom being intimate in the bedroom. It was awkward.
• A Big Bag Of McDonald’s: There wasn’t any food inside. It turns out you can fit hundreds of Monopoly Game pieces in a basic dollar menu bag.
• The dozen red roses: You would think giving your wife flowers is a no brainer. And that is true in the vast majority of cases. How did he mess it up? The card read To Stormy Daniels! You are the best weather pattern

Andrew Canard is a former aide to Donald. He’s not afraid to officially go on the record. “I hate Valentine’s Day due to that man. He made me buy her those presents. I feel like I have dirt under my skin.”

The Official Impeachment Trial Valentine’s Day Gift

The Impeach Nancy Pelosi T-shirt turned out to be the worst of all presents. Many Trump experts believed the roses he sent her would’ve been the #1 crappiest gift of all time. Close friends of Melania believe her violent reaction to the t-shirt is way worse than what happened after she received the flowers that were supposed to be sent to pornstar Stormy Daniels.

Is this a sign the former FLOTUS is planning to divorce him?

Andrew Canard believes so. “Melania wants out of that marriage. She’s making it clear she’s eyeing Captain America Chris Evans as the future Mrs. Melania.”

In related news, The Darwin Bear Company was attacked by young earth creationists.

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