Complementarian Marriage and the Lies They Tell Themselves Part 10

Complementarian Marriage and the Lies They Tell Themselves Part 10 July 19, 2020

And.. we’re back. I finally managed to extract this male cultural enforcer’s pile of writings off my old computer and resume looking at it. The last time we looked at this mess the male half was struggling not to verbally abuse his wife, and he kept babbling about being a spiritual leader.

Husband goes on to order husbands married to those mean selfish Christian women who demand equality to wait patiently on the Lord to convict her, not him.

If a wife cannot trust enough to follow her husband, then she should go ahead and live like many Christian couples in an Egalitarian marriage until the Spirit convicts her and trust is fully established. It is second best to God’s ideal, but if you apply the other principles given here, and stay out of your box and focused on serving and pleasing your spouse, you can have a happy marriage even with a wife who has regular veto power because she has not yet learned to trust God at His word, and in turn trust her husband with her life and wellbeing(sic). Maybe sitting many nights at the hospital bedside of wife earns trust faster and more fully than many will ever understand.”

This is making me laugh. He’s actually admitting it’s possible to have a happy marriage without that master slave dynamic he keeps pushing.

That bit about sitting next to the hospital bed to earn trust is just pathetic in light of the fact that his own wife is too idiotic self focused to have done that very thing for him. He was hospitalized in a serious state for a week or more for blood pressure complications of Lyme disease and she stayed away. Her excuse? She couldn’t be under stress or ‘upset’ because of her former brain tumor. Weak and petty.

If my husband can find a flight out of the remote Osa peninsula, abandoning his spear fishing trip and fly to my side during my stroke anyone can find way. I have dumped work and make a bunch of sacrifices to be by his side during his kidney cancer and treatments. This is what you do when you’re married.

Wife made much faster strides than I did in some areas and seems to growing faster than me in her Spiritual growth. Her joy is more obvious, her ministry more successful, her life full of so many good things even as she suffers with her health at times. I am running behind her trying to catch up at times, yet I know that I am still the spiritual head of my family and God’s appointed leader. We have daily devotions in bed cuddling together where she reads

Someone just shoot me now because these bed cuddlings and confessions sound like some sort of emotional mugging from here. His descriptions here sure do not make it sound like he is the spiritual head of that household.

“Upsets happen still in our marriage, but very rarely now, and usually are over in less than a minute, maybe ten, before we are apologizing and hugging. We have agreed that we are far too mature as Christians and in our marriage to have any argument or upset last longer than an hour or two, and if it does, we have specific consequences for both of us because somehow we both blew it with our stubbornness and pride.”

Yet again he has no clue that his wife seems very much like the type who is busily bottled up her rage to spread on other folks. All you have to do is read her blog, and see the heaping helpings of shame, blame, and other nonsense she spreads. She’s no more holy, righteous, or nice. She’s learned to turn her frustrations onto strangers.

“You can try all the marriage books, all the psychologists, all the counselling(sic) and techniques and talking to each other, but if you are staying in your box waiting for the other person to do their part first, you will never get out of your box and living out your God given values.”

Actually, he is right, well sort of. If you are so petty, childish and selfish that the other person must always be the bigger person before you yourself will bestir to do the right thing then nothing will help. Except maybe a swift kick in the seat of the pants by someone pointing out what a petty toddler you are.

Marriage isn’t a game, it is not a competition rooted in besting the other person. It’s supposed to be a partnership grounded in love.

“There is zero justification apart from a potential threat of actual physical abuse to remain apart from each other in a broken relationship.”

In reality there are a pile of real reasons to remain apart in broken relationships. In cases of verbal abuse, financial abuse, possible abuse of children, a spouse gripped in an addiction or in the cases of alcoholism. Sometimes that kind of walking away tough love is the best thing you can do to help the other person see that they must make a decision and change behaviors accordingly.

“It is really rather simple for a wife to please her husband and a bit more complicated for a husband to win a wife, but both can be done if you have the Spirit of Christ in you.”

Oh yes, ladies remember, be a smiling slave, even if he requests things that horrify you because he’s just trying to use that refiners fire to clean you up </sarcasm>

Looks like one more week and we are DONE!

Part 1 ~ Part 2 ~ Part 3 ~ Part 4 ~ Part 5

Part 6 ~ Part 7 ~ Part 8  ~ Part 9

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About Suzanne Titkemeyer
Suzanne Titkemeyer went from a childhood in Louisiana to a life lived in the shadow of Washington D.C. For many years she worked in the field of social work, from national licensure to working hands on in a children's residential treatment center. Suzanne has been involved with helping the plights of women and children' in religious bondage. She is a ordained Stephen's Minister with many years of counseling experience. Now she's retired to be a full time beach bum in Tamarindo, Costa Rica with the monkeys and iguanas. She is also a thalassophile. She also left behind years in a Quiverfull church and loves to chronicle the worst abuses of that particular theology. She has been happily married to her best friend for the last 34 years You can read more about the author here.
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