I stumbled upon this solution today in a flash of inspiration. It’s one of those moments of figuring out something that is so simple that it was overlooked. Somehow, the President’s advisors: folks like Kellyanne “Goehring” Conway and Sebastian “Himmler” Gorka neglected to give him this rather obvious advice.
If he had done what I will suggest, today he’d be loved and adored by liberals and their lapdog useful idiot RINOS and Never Rational Never Trumpers, who manage to (amazingly) always parrot and regurgitate liberal media talking-points. He’d be on his way to a 51% approval rating, which would then render him a legitimate President (you know, the ad populum criterion of acceptance). I offer Trump a way out and an eleventh-hour chance to be loved and heralded by one and all.
All he had to do was reverse his rhetoric with regard to the Neo-Nazis and the Norks. The key is to get in line with the liberal policies of the last 25 years, that have obviously prevented the Norks from achieving nuclear capacity. Since those have been so phenomenally successful, Trump has to learn how to emulate them. Simple! You mean, none of his advisors could figure this out?! After all, the world is still here, right? It hasn’t been blown up yet.
Thus, in dealing with Kim, Trump had to go back and study other successful diplomatic ventures in times of crisis: people like Neville Chamberlain, at his glorious, courageous best in 1938, with his glorious “peace in our time” slogan, holding pieces of paper that Hitler had signed, triumphantly in the air. Ah! the good ol’ days. Warmonger Churchill, meanwhile, had been chirping on about the Nazi build-up of military might all through the 30s. He needed to be put out to pasture and shut up. We didn’t need a leader like him to get us through World War II: a man who talked about never surrendering and fighting all over the place. That just wouldn’t do. Chamberlain was the man. And so we learn from history.
Presidents Clinton and Obama, following Chamberlain’s noble lead, prevented nuclear conflict with North Korea all this time. Who does Trump think he is, to mess with all that peace? Trump needs to learn the wimpy, spineless jellyfish appeasing method of diplomacy, so we can be in a nuclear-free world. If only he does that, then Kim will tie all his nuclear missiles to a giant Frisbee and let them float up to orbit, while we all sing Kumbaya together and get back to agreeing about butchering preborn children: the one mass murder we all can agree is perfectly acceptable.
So here’s what he should have done (oh, that stinging regret for past decisions!). He had to talk to Kim like he did to the Neo-Nazis: “We condemn in the strongest possible terms this egregious display of hatred, bigotry and violence, on many sides: from the US (most of all), Japan, China, South Korea, Andorra, Russia, Lichtenstein, Luxembourg, Guatemala, Chad, Canada, Iceland, Uzbekistan, North Korea, Peru: many sides. This has been going on for a long, long time.”
If he said that, he would have been cheered by liberals like he never has been, ever. Nancy Pelosi would lead a “hip hip hooray” in Congress. Chuck E. Cheese Schumer would call off all impeachment talk immediately. Even George Will and Bill Kristol would signal their enthusiastic approval and tell National Rebuke and The Weekly Standard Bilge to knock it off.
Now, on the other hand, when we get to the neo-Nazi thugs and troglodytes, it’s obvious that the President was too weak. Such an existential threat requires exponentially more forceful rhetoric. He confused the necessary appeasement talk with the Norks (who merely offer a nuclear threat against millions of people) with the necessity of absolutely condemning (BY NAME) the tiny fringe wacko group of racist Nazis, who managed to gather together all of their followers in the entire country into one city, in order to bomb the world.
He should have said: “The neo-Nazis and KKK racists have been very threatening beyond a normal state. As I said they will be met with fire, fury and frankly power from the police and National Guard, the likes of which this world has never seen before.”
Perfect! Crack some heads! Spray these right-wing racists (just a hair away in spirit from all conservatives and Republicans) with flame-throwers and fire hoses filled with acid! Forget about the Norks 5000 miles away. These guys are the real threat to western civilization.
I trust that in time Trump will learn these lessons, learn to think like a progressive, enlightened liberal, buy a mosquito net so he can happily dwell in the Washington swamp, and silence all of his loving, tolerant critics once and for all.
Then next time (when Trump leaves office in triumph after one term, with an 85% approval rating, and effusive praise from all his liberal overlords) we can elect someone reasonable and measured, like Hillary Clinton, Planned Parenthood’s Champion of the Century, who favors delivering a full-term baby up to the neck and pulling out his or her brains with a pair of scissors: a far superior choice to the Donald, according to wise, progressive, forward-looking folks . . .