Study Finds There are More Christian Podcasts Than Actual Christians

I seem to recall a prophecy in the bible that says, ‘His podcasts shall outnumber the grains of sand.’ Someone told me that verse is in Leviticus; that’s a book of bible, right?” [Read more…]

Brad’s Wife To Be Named New CEO of United Airlines

CHICAGO, IL – In less than 48 hours after a video went viral depicting a man being dragged off a plane, United Airlines is making efforts to repair their damaged public image. This morning they announced plans to fire current CEO, Oscar Munoz, and hire former Cracker Barrel waitress, Brad’s wife. Brad’s wife rose to fame on the internet after she wrongly fired from Cracker Barrel earlier this year. [Read more…]

David Platt Thrilled To Graduate High School

  Richmond, Virginia – As Spring quickly approaches, so does the graduation season, and no one is more excited to graduate than Memorial High School Senior, David Platt. “I have really enjoyed the last 4 years,” commented the soon-to-be 18-year-old standout, David Platt. “I have learned so much about who I am as sinner before [Read More…]

Princeton Theological Seminary Appalled Kuyper Prize Named After Kuyper

Princeton Theological Seminary – Princeton, NJ After revoking the 2017 Kuyper Prize from Presbyterian church planter and author, Tim Keller, Princeton Theological Seminary president, Craig Barnes and faculty were alarmed to discover that the Kuyper award was also named after Abraham Kuyper, whose own views called into question the rich, theological distinctiveness of the seminary. [Read More…]

Barnabas Encouragement Ministry Mistakenly Calls Themselves “The Barabbas Group”

  PORTLAND, OR – A new ministry at Life Lessons Baptist Church, aimed at encouraging the brokenhearted, is in disarray this morning after they mistakenly had printed 100,000 street pamphlets with the name Barabbas, instead of Barnabas, in the title. The Pamphlet reads: “The Barabbas Group: Encouragement For People / For as little as $99 [Read More…]

Introvert Forced To Serve As Greeter While Under Church Discipline

According to multiple reports, Brendan Kirby, a well-known introvert, was forced to serve as a greeter in his local church while under church discipline. Although Brendan remains unrepentant, the elders are hopefully he will come around soon. [Read more…]

Bryan Adams Surprised To Learn of His Lifetime Achievement Dove Award

NASHVILLE, TN – Earlier this week, The Dove Awards committee announced that they will be presenting secular singer/songwriter Bryan Adams with a Lifetime Achievement Dove Award. Bryan Adams is best known for his string of 80’s and 90’s hits that include “The Summer of ’69” and “(Everything I do) I Do It For You”. [Read more…]

BREAKING: Calvinist Makes It Full 19 Hours Without Starting A Debate

Jon snapped the 19 hour debate drought after running into an acquaintance in public restroom. It was awkward. [Read more…]

Even with Swole Arms, Steven Furtick Still Unable to Lift Truth from Bible

Elevation Church, North Carolina – In his rather candid and enigmatic style, Steven Furtick plainly told interviewers yesterday that despite his grueling gym routine, he is still having an immense amount of difficulty lifting truth out of the Bible. “I’ve been hitting the gym three times a day for the past few years – and [Read More…]

Man Finally Finds Perfect Use For His Copy of “The Shack”

JACKSON, MI – A local man is thrilled that he has finally found use for his copy of the book, The Shack. He was given the book from a person who will
“forever remain nameless” last year and has been scrambling for uses ever since. It is now stabilizing a, previously un-level, workbench in his shop. [Read more…]